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Do we defeat true men?
Yes, it’s an easy target. And yes, we’ve already harped on for some time about how the New York Post is very, very error-prone. But today’s Post has three egregious errors, and we thought it pertinent to point them out, in fulfillment of our duties here at low culture as Honorary Ombudsmen of the Paper of Disrepute.
1. From STERN’S LADY IN LAD MAG: “Almost as good is a celebration of the enduring comedy “Nerds,” which this year turns 20.” Let’s see: either they’re reporting on an obscure, under-appreciated documentary depiction of the creation of the Willy Wonka-themed candy of that name, or they left off a key “Revenge of the” preceding modifer. But, hey, everyone loves a good shorthand now and then, right?
2. While not an error, per se, the paper’s HARVEY SET TO BOLT MIRAMAX on Page Six seems a bit, erm, unlikely. “Under the plan being considered, Weinstein would leave to start his own movie company and Miramax would distribute his films, sources say. Harvey’s brother and Miramax co-founder Bob Weinstein is expected to stay at the company, where he runs Dimension Films, a Miramax division that focuses on medium-budget action and horror films.” Fans of studio politics everywhere understand that while Harvey’s a boor, Bob is merely churlish, and boors hardly ever stand down for churls.
3. Oh, and there’s also some big hullabaloo about some error they may have made regarding the cover story above…Something about a cabinet pick, or an election or something? DEVELOPING…
While fans of lawsuits and/or insipidly lowest-common-denominator clothing chains may best know about West Virginia from its run-in with Abercrombie & Fitch last year over the company’s sale of T-shirts with the mocking phrase, “It’s All Relative in West Virginia,” it may be time to update your repertoire of insults for the 35th state in the union.
Mull over this disturbing factoid from the Associated Press, which comes via President Bush’s visit to the southern state on the fourth of July this past weekend.
Making a pitch for votes in a state where 200,000 veterans comprise 15 percent of the population, Bush praised veterans for “setting a good example for those who have followed … in Afghanistan and Iraq,” said Bush. Thirty-six percent of all male West Virginians fought in World War II, 16 percent in Korea and 20 percent in Vietnam.
Now, that last line seems ridiculously erroneous, and most probably involves some sort of grammatical error in relation to the first sentence of the paragraph sampled above. Because, otherwise, that means roughly 70 percent of West Virginian men are approaching retirement age.
And if that is in fact true, be on the lookout for next week’s hard-hitting TimeOut New York cover story, “WV to NY: Young and single West Virginians hit big on the New York bar scene!”
First, unveil your fist…and get ready. This will be your “pointing hand.”
OK, shoot. Whip the index finger out, and aim it pointedly at your accuser. You might even consider gesticulating with your other hand. It certainly adds flair.
We’ve already used our patented Scientific Joke Assessment Technology® on United States President George W. Bush, but now’s our opportunity to wield this same tool of analysis in the direction of Saddam Hussein. Today marked his first semi-public appearance since, well, being deposed last year, as he faced an Iraqi judge and was read the list of charges against him for his arraignment and impending trial. The verdict? He’s a regular funnyman!
Really, these examples of his sardonic wit blow away even the notoriously jocular Slobodan Milosevic and those on trial for war crimes in Sierra Leone.
Asked if he could afford a lawyer, he became jocose.
“The US says that I have millions stashed in Geneva . Why couldn’t I afford a lawyer?”
[…]
And he feigned ignorance of the 1988 gassing of the Kurdish town of Halabja, telling the court: “Yes, I read about that in the press – they said it happened in the time of Saddam Hussein.”
The Iraqi Todd Barry, as we like to call the deposed leader, will hopefully be making his next appearance in the coming days. And in unrelated comedy news, which has nothing whatsoever to do with brilliant timing and/or joke execution, the current government of Iraq has reinstated the death penalty.
(This very special German governmental zombie edition comes courtesy of one Christopher Mohney.)
From left to right, Nicole Kidman and her Oscar-winning prosthetic nose, and the egregiously untalented Ashlee Simpson. Poor, poor girl. Check her pockets for rocks before she goes to the MTV Beach House.
From President Bush’s speech in Turkey on June 29th, in which he defended democratic ideals:
“In some parts of the world, especially in the Middle East, there is wariness toward democracy, often based on misunderstanding. Some people in Muslim cultures identify democracy with the worst of Western popular culture, and want no part of it. And I assure them, when I speak about the blessings of liberty, coarse videos and crass commercialism are not what I have in mind. There is nothing incompatible between democratic values and high standards of decency.”
For weeks, the media has been breathlessly scouring internal reports leaked from the Democratic camp, trying to winnow down a hypothetical list of presumptive 2004 Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry’s picks for his vice-presidential candidate.
This just in! You heard it here first! Based on preliminary analysis of the above wire service photo, it looks like the 2004 Democratic vice-presidential nominee is…let’s see…Senator Paul Sarbanes from Maryland!
Wait, who the fuck is that? Wow, this really comes a surprise. We’d been lead to believe that Kerry would go with someone who could bring him some very key electoral votes or inaccessible voting blocs in the so-called swing states, such as Bill Richardson in New Mexico, or Bob Graham in Florida, or even perennial runner-up Dick Gephardt from Iowa.
Well, to be sure, though Sen. Sarbanes may seem to be somewhat of a surprise pick, the Kerry camp must be confident that…hold on, wait, a correction. We’ve been so breathless from all this expectant websurfing and newsreading that we failed to notice that the photo was accompanied by a caption reading, “Democratic presidential candidate Sen. John Kerry, left, is introduced by Sen. Paul Sarbanes, D-Md., at a fund-raiser in Baltimore on Monday, June 28, 2004.”
Shit, are we embarrassed. Well, it’s back to the Edwards Watch for us!
