Shallow Versus

Mamma Mia!

Yeah, we know it’s a little late, but it’s not every day you discover someone copping Abba’s style.
Big ups to James R.!


The Perfect Byline
by Quip Meekly

So Fresh and So Clean: Via The New York Times/Victor Lopes
Are Men Ready for the 5-Step, 10-Minute Shave?, by Nick Burns, The New York Times, June 30, 2005.
Apparently Silky Smooth was on assignment covering the “last throes” of the Iraqi insurgency.
Earlier: Beard Hacker: The low culture Guide to Shaving


Weight Watch: Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Ritchie, and…Condi Rice?

President Bush with Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice and two other unidentified people settle in at Washington Nationals games against the Toronto Blue Jays at RFK Stadium, Friday, June 24, 2005, in Washington. (AP Photo/Lawrence Jackson)


Blue Chips Ahoy

The recent revelation that Saddam Hussein has a taste for Jay Leno-approved nacho-cheese chip Doritos has sent shock waves through the snack food industry. I recently contacted PepsiCo’s board of directors about their thoughts on the shocking, possibly treasonous, matter. (Disclosure: PepsiCo owns Frito Lays which owns Doritos which holds a majority stake in low culture heavy industries.)

From: guy v. cimbalo [[email protected]]
Sent: Thursday, June 23, 2005 12:13 AM
To: SPA – Board Of Directors {PEP}
Subject: Investment Concerns
Dear Sirs and Madames:
I am very concerned about recent revelations that Saddam Hussein enjoys Doritos. This man is a tyrant, while Doritos should represent peace, justice, and American snack food at its best.
PepsiCo. forms a large part of my mutual fund’s investment portfolio and I have begun to feel that I should divest myself of the holdings.
I would like to know what Frito-Lay intends to do in order to quell this public relations nightmare.
Guy Cimbalo

Their response after the jump…


Maybe If She Tried Wearing A Hat…

Courtney Love (L) and Rocky Dennis (R)
“What’s the matter, never seen anyone from the planet Vulcan before?”
1985’s Mask

Podcasting Shallow

low culture Presents: No Jacket Required, Vol. 1

Welcome to the bleeding edge! It’s official, then…this “podcasting” thing is bloody hot!
low culture is proud to present the first, inaugural, premiere episode of “No Jacket Required”, a no-holds-barred look at contemporary arts and culture. This mp3/podcast/olde timey radio broadcast runs somewhere around eleven minutes: perfect for your commute home, downtime at work, or on constant repeat throughout your day (it’s possible to enjoy “No Jacket Required” over 130 times in the course of a 24-hour period).
You’ve come to rely on low culture for reasonably entertaining satire and comedy — now give “No Jacket Required” a try. Seriously, we think you’ll enjoy it. Earnestly, even.
And maybe it’ll explain why we’ve been so damned absent of late?
No Jacket Required, Ep. 1, 11:35, 10MB


Okay, Now I’m Definitely Against Human Cloning

Army of Headless Clones: Protestors condemn John Bolton, via Yahoo/AFP.
Related:Malkovich, Malkovich, Malkovich.”


low culture Exclusive: Tom Cruise’s Actual Proposal to Katie Holmes

Vanilla Guy: “I WANNA WAKE UP!

Film star Tom Cruise has asked girlfriend Katie Holmes to marry him, he announced on Friday, ending weeks of speculation over whether Hollywood’s hottest couple would wed.
Appearing with Holmes at a Paris news conference, the 42-year-old explained how he had chosen the Eiffel Tower in the city of romance to make his move.
“Yes I proposed to Kate last night … because it is very beautiful and romantic here,” Cruise said, clarifying later that the engagement had actually begun in the early hours of Friday. – Cruise proposes to actress Holmes at Eiffel Tower, by Joanna Partridge, Reuters, June 17, 2005.

“That’s more than a dress. That’s an Audrey Hepburn movie. We barely know each other. I don’t think we’ve had a single conversation about anything except your father. We got nothing to talk about. Sometimes you just gotta say ‘What the fuck.’ In this life, it’s not what you hope for, it’s not what you deserve—it’s what you take I feel the need… the need for speed.
“I’ve drained you to the point of death. If I leave you here, you die. Or you can be young always, my friend, as we are now, but you must tell me: will you come or no?
“Where exactly are we going… exactly?…Where the rainbow ends? Good. Because for a minute there, I thought we were talking about A FUCKING MASK!… I’m afraid you’ll break my heart. I want the truth!
“Help me help you. I will not rest until I have you holding a Coke, wearing your own shoe, playing a Sega game featuring you, while singing your own song in a new commercial, starring you, broadcast during the Superbowl, in a game that you are winning, and I will not sleep until that happens… I’m gonna let ya’ in on a little secret: K-Mart sucks.
“Don’t be afraid. I’m going to give you the choice I never had… No one could resist me, not even you… Just forget about that mortal coil. You’ll become accustomed to it, all too quickly.
“Let me ask you something: are you out of your fucking mind? I will not apologize for who I am. I love you. You… complete me… Cause you’re good. We’re in this together. Fates intertwined.
“You’re my motherfucker! I had your ass over the grinder and it’s okay enough to thank me, shithead. Jump in my nightmare, the water’s warm!”


A MAG A PLAN A CANAL PAGAMA (Or, A Short History of Palindromic Titles)*

*Is it too late to jump on the Radar blogwagon? Oh, it is? Well, fuck off! I’ve been busy, okay?
Awww, c’mon, baby. Don’t cry. Don’t be like that. Matty’s sorry. You know I love you, right? Oh, I don’t? Then why do I do so much for you? Writing all these entries—for you. Finding photos that look like other photos—for you. Coming up with hack jokes—say it with me, for you.
What did you say? Don’t you dare talk back to me! One more word out of your mouth and you’ll be sleeping over your sister’s blog tonight.


“Move on”? While we’re at it, we’ll also forgive and forget you and your cronies’ innumerable past indiscretions, too

tschiavo_frist_video.jpg“Science”, perhaps better known in academic circles as “the Grand Arch-Nemesis of the Bush Administration,” has once again reared its ugly, evolved, ozone-reducing head to embarrass the White House and its henchmen. Specifically, the startling revelation from Florida that autopsy results from that ol’ Terri Schiavo incident did, in fact, confirm the suspicion held by the vast majority of Americans that the martyr-in-question was, effectively, brain dead. No hope of revival. Like, dead. Doorknob. Et cetera.
From “Frist: Schiavo Autopsy Results End Case,” via the Associated Press:

“The diagnosis they made is exactly right. It’s the pathology, I’ll respect that. I think it’s time to move on,” Frist said on CBS’ “The Early Show.”

EARLIER:Frist views video, disputes Schiavo diagnosis: Senator’s comments raise eyebrows in medical, political circles“, the Washington Post, March 19, 2005
The initially-proposed $15 million in aid for tsunami relief efforts
Joseph Wilson and Valerie Plame
16 words (including “Niger” and “uranium”)
Richard Clarke and Condoleeza Rice’s 9/11 memorandum
The proposed modification of the Constitution to placate the religious right (“Gay Marriage” edition)
The proposed modification of the Constitution to placate the religious right (“Activist Judges” edition)
Last month’s Downing Street memo
Paul O’Neill’s account that the Iraq invasion was planned prior to 9/11
L. Paul Bremer’s warning that the U.S. had troop shortages in Iraq
The war in Iraq

Et cetera. Ad infinitum.
And how does one say “immunity” in Latin?