Coming Soon: The Blue Collar Comedy Tour 2005, Featuring George W. Bush as “George The President Guy”

Stand-up Guy: George W. Bush, captured by Reuters‘ Jason Reed, April 29, 2005.
Related: Blue Collar TV.


If History’s Any Guide, This Trip Will Change His Name, Expand His Definition of Brotherhood, Give His Biopic Its Final Act, And Lead to His Well Deserved Immortality

Above, Vladimir Putin, Cairo April 27, 2005 (via Reuters); Below, Malcolm X, 1964 (by John Launois/Black Star)


Fox Searchlight, Meet Award-Winning Director Jonathan Glazer

Above: Scenes from Jonathan Glazer’s 1998 video for UNKLE’s Rabbit in Your Headlights
Below: Scenes from Timur Bekmambetov’s 2005 feature Night Watch
Previously: Twentieth Century Fox, Meet Award-Winning Director Chris Cunningham


Killing Joke

Finally, a more shocking joke than “The Aristocrats.” From, Man Says 7-Year-Old Joke Led to Killing, AP, April 26, 2005:

A man shot a former co-worker to death on Easter because he was offended by a joke told seven years ago, authorities said Monday.

Stanford Douglas Jr., 29, was arrested on murder charges Sunday after a two-hour standoff with police. He allegedly shot William Berkeyheiser, 62, three times in the chest and shoulder on March 27 at Berkeyheiser’s suburban home.

Prosecutor Diane Gibbons said that Douglas told police he had been thinking about killing Berkeyheiser since 1998, when the two men worked at a Philadelphia nursing home and Berkeyheiser told a joke that offended Douglas.

The prosecutor would not say what the joke was.

The downside: This joke was clearly hurtful.
The upside: It was also clearly memorable.
Disclaimer: low culture does not advocate laughing at people getting killed. That would not be funny. In fact, it would be totally hack.


Von Trigga, Please

That Word Must Mean Something Different in Danish: The Manderlay trailer.
The trailer for Lars Von Trier’s latest exercise in actor torture, Manderlay, is out. If Von Trier brings his characteristic subtlety and humanism to the project, I’m sure it will transcend the Tarantino-esque language of his trailer. And it might even be better than what it looks like: a remake of Gualtiero Jacopetti and Franco Prosperi’s execrable Goodbye, Uncle Tom.
Eh, who am I kidding? This thing has Mandingo 2005 written all over it. I’m guessing the reason Nicole Kidman’s not in it is that it offends her kids. Wonder what New Wave song will close this one out.


Brothers in Arms

want_you.jpgGood news, Jeff Gannon! According to today’s New York Times‘ report, Pentagon Considers Changing the Legal Definition of Sodomy, by John Files:

The office of the general counsel at the Pentagon has proposed decriminalizing consensual sodomy among adults, a change to its 55-year-old policy on sodomy that would bring the military legal code more in line with laws that govern civilians, according to a memorandum sent to Congress.
The changes proposed by the Pentagon’s lawyers would narrow the definition to prohibit acts of sodomy with a person under age 16 or acts “committed by force.” Their memorandum says this would “conform more closely to other federal laws and regulations.”

Recruitment will surely go up—or, at least, recruits will go down—now.
Related: Anyone else enjoying Sundance Channel’s The Staircase, which also features a plot twist involving a military M4M escort? This documentary series is so good and so suspensefully constructed, it makes every iteration of Law & Order look like The Stick Figure Players Do Bad Twist Ending Theater.


As A Public Service, We Offer A Guide to The Differences Between C.K. Williams and Louis C.K.

C.K. TK: Williams, left, and Louis, right.
C.K. Williams won the Pulitzer Prize and this year’s $100,000 Ruth Lilly Poetry Prize.
Louis C.K. won an Emmy for The Chris Rock Show and is developing a sitcom for HBO.
C.K. Williams was born in New Jersey.
Louis C.K. was born in New York.
C.K. Williams published Flesh and Blood.
Louis C.K. made a joke about Bill Clinton breastfeeding puppies.
C.K. Williams wrote:

A squalid wayside inn, reeking barn-brewed vodka,
cornhusk cigarettes that cloy like acrid incense
in a village church, kegs of rotten, watered wine,
but then a prayer book’s worn-thin pages,
and over them, as though afloat in all that fetidness,
my great-grandfather’s disembodied head.

Louis C.K. wrote: “Dirty Dee, you’re a baddy daddy lamatai tebby chai!”
C.K. Williams has a head of salt and pepper hair.
Louis C.K. is bald.
C.K. Williams has been published by Slate.
Louis C.K. has his own website.


Adventures in Photoblogging: “I’m Rich, Shagitz!”

“Why is this leather interior different from all other interiors?”: A Pesach caravan of Mitzvah Tanks led by a white stretch SUV limo head uptown on Sixth Avenue and West Fourth Street; noon, April 20, 2004.


In Preparation For The Release of A Lot Like Love, Instructions for Ashton Kutcher Lovers

ashdog.jpgCongratulations on adopting or purchasing your Ashton Kutcher. In the coming days and weeks you will bond with your new Ashton Kutcher in ways that you can only begin to imagine at this time. Ask anyone who’s welcomed Ashton Kutcher into their lives, and they will tell you that he becomes a fast member of the family, brings hours of fun, laughter, happiness, and joy to children, adults, and seniors.
But in order to enjoy your Ashton Kutcher to the fullest, there are a few things you need to know to take care of him the best way possible. Ashton Kutcher is an independent, mischievous animal; he needs attention, love, and a little discipline to feel comfortable and safe in your home. These helpful hints will make your life with Ashton Kutcher that much easier.
First off, know that in the wild Ashton Kutchers roam in packs, also known as ‘posses.’ This is an important fact, since as you bond with your Ashton Kutcher, he will come to think of you as his posse. Ashton Kutcher is loyal and intensely protective of his posse and he has a tendency to bond closest with the older alpha-female of the posse. Some even say Ashton Kutchers are nature’s ‘Mama’s boys.’


Cynicism Aside, We Hail The New Pope and Pray for World Unity

Heil, Mary: Achtung, Ratzy!
New Pope Appears, Asks World for Prayers, Reuters, April 19, 2005.