King of Kings or King of Pop?

Through all the accusations of pederasty, paedophilia, and boy-fucking, fans of both the Papacy and Michael Jackson have stood tall. Can you tell the difference? Click through for the answer.


We salute war heroes, but draft dodgers? We just shake their hands.

Up top, “Blake Sanford, 6, son of South Carolina governor Mark Sanford, waits his turn to shake hands with President Bush, far right, as he arrives in Columbia, S.C. to deliver a speech on Social Security reform Monday April 18, 2005. (AP Photo/Gerald Herbert)” and at the bottom, well, that famous JFK, Jr. pose at his father’s funeral.


Big business, bigger humanity…which means we’re the biggest motherfuckers around

Yesterday, as Adobe Systems announced the acquisition of Macromedia, the primary reason for the merger of these onetime-rival multimedia software titans soon became clear: terrorism. Yes, terrorterrorterrorterroreconomyterror.
News reports clarified this stance:

After 9/11, we both realized that being enemies didn’t make sense,” Adobe CEO Bruce Chizen said in a conference call on Monday, referring to his discussions with Macromedia’s then-CEO Rob Burgess. “We were no longer competing.”

And in other coverage of the merger/acqusition, Chizen continued with his moving paean to an American tragedy, but this one a bit more “economic” in nature:

He acknowledged that combining the companies will lead to some lost jobs, but would not provide details.
“There will be some areas of redundancies, and that’s where there will be some layoffs,” Chizen said. “It will be difficult to quantify that until we get in and look at the integration.”

A loss of lives, a loss of jobs…what’s the big deal? We’re all good people here. Working to overcome tyranny by making web-safe graphics. Annihilating the enemies of freedom by distributing American propaganda as Flash-based short films.
And your pink slips? Now available in the ever-popular PDF document format.


Finally, The Liberal Media Reveals the Truth

It’s Gotta Be The Shoes: Ann Coulter on the cover of TIME, April 25, 2005

Grave Unintentionally Hilarious

Unintentionally Hilarious Photo of the Moment, Vol. 52



I Learned It From Watching You, Drew!

Yankee Gary Sheffield inappropriately gropes at a fan at Fenway Park last night; Jimmy Fallon inappropriately gropes at Drew Barrymore in Fever Pitch.

Many have argued about whether and how powerfully movies can influence our behavior. Should filmmakers bear responsibility when the scenes they present as fantasy are reenacted by overzealous fans? Generally, we prefer to encourage freedom of speech and personal responsibility, but when a filmic scene of overly intimate contact across the low wall at Fenway Park is so eerily reprised at the same spot in real life, it’s pretty clear where the idea came from.


Jenna Bush and the oh-so-delicate return of the Associated Press’ “unidentifiable male friend”

Via the Associated Press: “President Bush, lower left, sits in the Presidential Box with members of his family and guests at RFK for the home opener Washington Nationals and the Arizona Diamondbacks Thursday, April 14, 2005 in Washington. Also sitting with Bush are Sue Selig wife of Commissioner of Major League Baseball Bud Selig, Tony Tavares, President, Washington Nationals, center, first lady Laura Bush, lower right, and daughter Jenna Bush, top right, leaning her head on the shoulders of an unidentifiable male friend. (AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)”
EARLIER: Young Love, Republican Style


A definitive and comprehensive list of African-American actors and characters appearing in films directed by Stanley Kubrick

kubrick_jamesearljones.jpg James Earl Jones
as Lt. Lothar Zogg in 1964’s Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

Kills thousands.

kubrick_scatmancrothers.jpg Scatman Crothers
as Dick Hallorann in 1980’s The Shining


kubrick_dorian.jpg Dorian Harewood
as Eightball in 1987’s Full Metal Jacket


EARLIER: As ‘Wicker Park’ approaches, we present this definitive and comprehensive list of good, quality films starring Josh Hartnett


And this metaphor might as well be a fucking Daewoo

As French citizens prepare to vote in their May 29th referendum on whether or not to approve the European Union’s new constitutional charter, President Jacques Chirac took to the populace yesterday to stake his claim that it was imperative for the measure to pass. His driving point, effectively, being that for Europe to be unified and powerful (when translated from his native leftist French, this reads as “able to exist as a counterbalance to Bush’s United States of Imperialism”), it was vital for France to support this burgeoning European Union, lest one of its biggest players be seen as stepping away from the table, thereby leaving a weak and disconnected shell of a coalition in its wake.
So, if that doesn’t make sense, try this metaphor put forth by the French Interior Minister:

French Interior Minister Dominique de Villepin said Europe would end up being driven by a “tricycle” rather than a “hot rod” if the French vote the treaty down.
“With a ‘no’, there won’t be anything left in the garage… At best, there will be a tricycle,” de Villepin said. “With a ‘yes’, there will be a hot rod… It has to be admitted that it’s better to get around with that.”

The Renault sitting in my garage, by the way, has a meager 40 horsepower, for what it’s worth.


Hommage à Nichols

Here’s To You: Todd Solondz’s Palindromes, 2005; Mike Nichols’ The Graduate, 1967.