“Two Years Ago, This Country Had One Microphone. Last Year, It Had Three. Are We Making Progress? I Would Say So.”

Donald Rumsfeld and Ibrahim al-Jaafari, Tuesday, April 12, 2005. [via Reuters/NYT]

Grave Unintentionally Hilarious

Unintentionally Hilarious Photo of the Moment, Vol. 51



“OK, we’re lost. Where’d you put the goddamned roadmap?”

Via the Associated Press: “In this photo released by The White House, President Bush gives Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon a tour of his ranch in Crawford, Texas, Monday, April 11, 2005. (AP Photo/The White House, Eric Draper)”
RELATED: Sharon Dismisses Bush on Settlement Growth, the Associated Press, April 12, 2004


Special FOX Double Feature: I Newhart Huckabees

Hi, Bob: The Bob Newhart Show, season 1; I ♥ Huckabees.


Kinda Makes You Wonder How Much God Paid Her to Write This

001galllagher.jpgFrom Maggie “Mo’ Money” Gallagher’s syndicated column, THE FUTURE OF CATHOLICISM, April 6, 2005, A.D.:

Pope John Paul the Great is not yet buried, but the divisions among American Catholics have already taken center stage on cable television: Will the next pope be Catholic?

Of course, JP II’s critics don’t put it that way. But the long-deferred hopes of this group (call them sexual liberals) — that the Catholic Church is about to abandon its ancient teachings on premarital sex, abortion, divorce, homosexuality and, above all, birth control — have burst out anew in the 24-hour coverage of the pope’s death.

Sexual liberalism has a lot of powerful things going for it in terms of attracting adherents: passion, for instance, the difficulty of self-restraint, the attractiveness of choice as the highest moral good. But sexual liberalism’s most powerful ally is the myth of progress. Sexual liberals, like Marxists of old, see themselves as the inevitable wave of the future. The Catholic Church is “out of step” with the future, they believe, and must eventually get in line with the poll numbers, or fade into irrelevance.

Ooooh, Marxists! Gay Marxists! Also, it’s cute how she jumps the gun and calls him Pope John Paul the Great. (Okay, bad word choice.)


Please Extinguish All Votives Before Takeoff

mass1.jpgSalvete in VaticanAir! Recumbete et relaxate in levamentum dum vos refovemus cum mantele madido.

Welcome to VaticanAir! Stretch out and relax in comfort as we refresh you with a moist washcloth.

mass5.jpgProbate defigere balteum vestrum per acensum descensionemque.

Be sure to fasten your seatbelt during takeoff and landing.

mass2.jpgGaudeamus praebere varietatem de materias lectorium pro iucunditate vobis.

We are happy to offer a variety of reading materials for your pleasure.

mass3.jpgServabitur prandium parvum per fugum.

Light in-flight refreshment will be served.

mass4.jpgCistas vestri portabitur cum curam maioram.

Your luggage will be handled with the greatest care.

[Indulgete omnia errata mea, magistri mei…]


Popestock 2005


Reports of the “festive” atmosphere in Rome, where hundreds of thousands of pilgrims have camped out to celebrate grieve the death of the Pope, can’t help but prompt speculation about how many little miraculous conceptions — immaculate or otherwise — might arise from this event. A clever newspaper editor should keep track of some of these pilgrims and then check maternity records in 9 months or so.

Of course, it should be no surprise that young love can blossom in even the gravest circumstances:



There’s Some Sort of Metaphor Here; Subtle, But Nonetheless Present

Cracked: A car bombing near Abu Ghraib, March 30, 2005 (via Reuters).
Related: Fixing “Broken Windows”


It Really Depends On What Your Criteria For Success Is

High Rate of Failure Estimated for Silicone Breast Implants, by Gardiner Harris, The New York Times, April 7, 2005.


Presenting Todd Solondz’s Soon-to-Be NAACP Image Award-Winning Film, Palindromes

Better make room next to that 2001 Impact award for Story Telling.
Is anyone else looking forward to when Solondz makes the John Waters-like transition into Broadway musical kitsch maestro? Welcome to the Dollhouse is basically ready. (It even has a killer signature song.) Happiness, on the other hand, is a harder sell.
Well, people paid to see Assassins.