Author: guy
Categories
From the L’il Gangsta Series
Rims sold separately
12 mpg city/16 mpg playground
Some rollover risk
You assume they’re referring to Chris Martin, lead feyboy of Coldplay, not Paul Martin, Prime Minister of Canada.
This week we made funny with:
Chris Ware’s eavesdropping, sexist cripples!
Elmore Leonard’s alcoholic spinsters and blood-thirsty lawmen!
“You shot the four guys who drove their car into the roadhouse that time, all of them coming out armed and standing fairly close. One of ’em, Nestor Lott, the ex-federal agent gone bad, packed two .45’s cinched to his legs. Nestor pulled on you and you shot him and turned and shot the other three.” Gary paused.
Carl said: “This friend of Peyton’s, Venicia Munson, was an old-maid schoolteacher who drank Peyton’s wildcat whiskey and didn’t care who knew it. We’re sitting in her kitchen waiting for Peyton to show, she told me she was scared to death. I said, ‘Well, that’ll teach you to get mixed up with a bank robber.’ She said: ‘You’re the one scares me, not Peyton. I can tell you’d rather shoot him than bring him in.’ She said it was why I became a marshal, to get to carry a gun and shoot people.”
And Firoozeh Dumas’ racially-profiled family!
As soon as my father showed up, we started singing “Happy Birthday” in English. It would have been more natural for us to sing in Persian, but if you are part of a large Middle Eastern contingency these days, you’re already scaring people. Add to that a loud song with guttural sounds and clapping, and you have passengers speed-dialing the Department of Homeland Security.
Previously: More Hilarity from the New York Times Magazine’s “Funny Pages,” and As Seen On The New York Times Magazine’s “Funny Pages”
Categories
The Eyes Have It
From Wednesday’s Entertainment Weekly Popwatch!
Who knew cult director Darren Aronofsky was a fan of the boob tube? The Requiem for a Dream helmer has just signed on to direct an episode of ABC’s Lost, which will likely air at the beginning of May sweeps… “We will try to put together a story that will be well-suited for Darren’s talents and visual imagination.”
So what can we expect from Aronofsky’s turn behind the camera? low culture has the exclusive preview, but beware, SPOILERS AHEAD!
Hurley grows increasingly crazed when he starts using amphetamines as an appetite suppressant.
Charlie’s heroin habit hits an all-time low.
Those damned amputees are finally explained.
And someone’s eye figures as a visual cue… But whose?
NB: The Kate-Claire “Ass to Ass” scene is too graphic to be shown here.
Categories
Hark! The Herald Angels Spin
Yes, it’s that most wonderful time of the year, when Christmas yet again comes under siege from the shadowy forces of secular evil. It is fair to say that most American children today don’t even know who Christmas is. But who can we blame? Two new books dare to finger the partisan Grinches responsible for stealing Christmas. A tale of the tape.
 |
 |
| Title | |
| How the Republicans Stole Christmas | The War on Christmas |
| Wordy Subtitle | |
| The Republican Party’s Declared Monopoly on Religion and What Democrats Can Do to Take it Back | How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday is Worse than You Thought |
| Ethnicity-Free Author Name | |
| Bill Press | John Gibson |
| White-Bred’s Qualifications | |
| Bill Press is a political commentator for MSNBC. Prior to joining MSNBC, he was cohost of CNN’s Crossfire and The Spin Room with Tucker Carlson. | John Gibson is the host of The Big Story on Fox News Channel, which airs daily at 5:00 p.m. and is currently the sixth highest rated show in all of cable news. |
| Attractive? | |
If you go for that kind of thing. |
Hell yeah. |
| Christmas Tree on Cover? | |
| Yes | Yes |
| American Flag on Cover? | |
| Yes | No |
| Ostensible Grinch | |
| Republicans | Liberal activists and “media people” |
| Real Grinch | |
| Evangelical Christian cabal | Jewish cabal |
| Sample Five-Star Amazon Review | |
| I read this book in the aftermath of Katrina–ironically when Christian groups are now silent about morality. The federal, state, and local governments (packed with ‘their’ people) are accused of neglecting predominantly poor African American people who could not just jump into their cars and evacuate. Meanwhile, FEMA came under public scrutiny because then-director Michael Brown delayed sending in aid. | 80% of our country is Christian and many of our national slogans etc. have the word God in them. How did it ever come to this, that the minority is calling the shots. NO ONE is taking away Christmas for me. Oh yeah, maybe they want us to celebrate Kwanza instead. This is an eye opening book. |
You’ll laugh as Chris Ware “takes out the trash”!
You’ll roar when Elmore Leonard’s tough guys hash over the Holocaust!
You’ll roll in the aisles when Allison Silverman confronts the ugly face of anti-Semitism!
The Times Magazine Funny Pages — Does the fun ever start?!?
Previously: As Seen on the New York Times Magazine’s “Funny Pages”
