From the L’il Gangsta Series
This week we made funny with:
Chris Ware’s eavesdropping, sexist cripples!
Elmore Leonard’s alcoholic spinsters and blood-thirsty lawmen!
“You shot the four guys who drove their car into the roadhouse that time, all of them coming out armed and standing fairly close. One of ’em, Nestor Lott, the ex-federal agent gone bad, packed two .45’s cinched to his legs. Nestor pulled on you and you shot him and turned and shot the other three.” Gary paused.
Carl said: “This friend of Peyton’s, Venicia Munson, was an old-maid schoolteacher who drank Peyton’s wildcat whiskey and didn’t care who knew it. We’re sitting in her kitchen waiting for Peyton to show, she told me she was scared to death. I said, ‘Well, that’ll teach you to get mixed up with a bank robber.’ She said: ‘You’re the one scares me, not Peyton. I can tell you’d rather shoot him than bring him in.’ She said it was why I became a marshal, to get to carry a gun and shoot people.”
And Firoozeh Dumas’ racially-profiled family!
As soon as my father showed up, we started singing “Happy Birthday” in English. It would have been more natural for us to sing in Persian, but if you are part of a large Middle Eastern contingency these days, you’re already scaring people. Add to that a loud song with guttural sounds and clapping, and you have passengers speed-dialing the Department of Homeland Security.
Previously: More Hilarity from the New York Times Magazine’s “Funny Pages,” and As Seen On The New York Times Magazine’s “Funny Pages”
The Eyes Have It
From Wednesday’s Entertainment Weekly Popwatch!
Who knew cult director Darren Aronofsky was a fan of the boob tube? The Requiem for a Dream helmer has just signed on to direct an episode of ABC’s Lost, which will likely air at the beginning of May sweeps… “We will try to put together a story that will be well-suited for Darren’s talents and visual imagination.”
So what can we expect from Aronofsky’s turn behind the camera? low culture has the exclusive preview, but beware, SPOILERS AHEAD!
Hurley grows increasingly crazed when he starts using amphetamines as an appetite suppressant.
Charlie’s heroin habit hits an all-time low.
Those damned amputees are finally explained.
And someone’s eye figures as a visual cue… But whose?
NB: The Kate-Claire “Ass to Ass” scene is too graphic to be shown here.
Hark! The Herald Angels Spin
Yes, it’s that most wonderful time of the year, when Christmas yet again comes under siege from the shadowy forces of secular evil. It is fair to say that most American children today don’t even know who Christmas is. But who can we blame? Two new books dare to finger the partisan Grinches responsible for stealing Christmas. A tale of the tape.
You’ll laugh as Chris Ware “takes out the trash”!
You’ll roar when Elmore Leonard’s tough guys hash over the Holocaust!
You’ll roll in the aisles when Allison Silverman confronts the ugly face of anti-Semitism!
The Times Magazine Funny Pages — Does the fun ever start?!?
Previously: As Seen on the New York Times Magazine’s “Funny Pages”