For weeks, the media has been breathlessly scouring internal reports leaked from the Democratic camp, trying to winnow down a hypothetical list of presumptive 2004 Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry’s picks for his vice-presidential candidate.
This just in! You heard it here first! Based on preliminary analysis of the above wire service photo, it looks like the 2004 Democratic vice-presidential nominee is…let’s see…Senator Paul Sarbanes from Maryland!
Wait, who the fuck is that? Wow, this really comes a surprise. We’d been lead to believe that Kerry would go with someone who could bring him some very key electoral votes or inaccessible voting blocs in the so-called swing states, such as Bill Richardson in New Mexico, or Bob Graham in Florida, or even perennial runner-up Dick Gephardt from Iowa.
Well, to be sure, though Sen. Sarbanes may seem to be somewhat of a surprise pick, the Kerry camp must be confident that…hold on, wait, a correction. We’ve been so breathless from all this expectant websurfing and newsreading that we failed to notice that the photo was accompanied by a caption reading, “Democratic presidential candidate Sen. John Kerry, left, is introduced by Sen. Paul Sarbanes, D-Md., at a fund-raiser in Baltimore on Monday, June 28, 2004.”
Shit, are we embarrassed. Well, it’s back to the Edwards Watch for us!