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Grave

Re-Awakened Firefighter Donald Herbert’s Personalized American History (from 1995 to the Present)

Courtesy of New York Times writer James Barron, and his account of brain-injured firefighter Donald Herbert’s remarkable recuperation from his decade-long comatose state, we’re treated to this handy, pocket-sized, sentence-length compendium of the events of the past ten years in American History (After Sudden Lucidity, Firefighter Is Less Animated, May 5, 2005):
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Dr. Ahmed said Mr. Herbert thought that it had been only a couple of months since the accident, not a decade – in which a president was tried for impeachment; e-mail and cellphones became popular; and his hometown football team, the Buffalo Bills, made the playoffs four times.

Clinton’s impeachment, technology’s growth and proliferation, etc…This seems to cover all the bases, for the most part.
Shit…Wait, wait, something’s missing, right? What the fuck else has happened in the past ten years? Maybe George Pataki can help us out here:

“We will never forget the individual lives that were lost, the tremendous personal sacrifices and the countless acts of heroism that will forever mark September 11, 2001 as a day the world changed forever,” Governor Pataki said. “Those heroes will be forever in the hearts and minds of people throughout New York State and around the world.”

There you have it: Bills quarterback Doug Flutie, forever in our hearts and minds.

Categories
Shallow

Star Wars: Revenge of Rosencrantz & Guildenstern

th-48110_R.jpgPer low culture’s reliable sources deep within Skywalker Ranch, there’s a good reason Revenge of the Sith is getting such glowing reviews — Tom Stoppard wrote the script. Producer Rick McCallum insisted Lucas find a ghost writer, and Stoppard was the only writer Lucas wouldn’t interfere with.
[Confirmed here]

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Grave

Yes, We Tease Her, But We’re Not Above Offering Her Some Baby Product Recommendations

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Hooked: Lynndie and Carter Allan England, left (via AFP); Ride ‘N Stride 2-Way Safety Harness (via Baby Catalog of America).

Categories
Grave

Primo product placement: I’m a pepper, she’s a pepper…Wouldn’t you like to pepper spray these Muslim savages, too?

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REUTERS/Jeff Mitchell
RELATED: Judge Rejects England’s Guilty Plea in Abu Ghraib Case, NPR
EARLIER: Number 2 at the Box Office? “Man on Fire”

Categories
Shallow

More Hard Bodies for Your Monday

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Tara Reid’s putty-like stomach
via ez board

Categories
Shallow

Screw Cristal, With Oil Prices Through the Roof, This Is Really Decadent

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Shakira’s “La Tortura”
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Massive Attack’s “Karmacoma”
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Christina Milian’s “Dip It Low”

Categories
Grave

From Left to Right: Mushrooms, pot, coke, and glue (or, “Jenna Watch, Vol. 3”)

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President Bush’s daughter, Jenna, bottom left, watches the game between the Washington Nationals and New York Mets with unidentified guests at RFK Stadium, Saturday, April 30, 2005, in Washington. (AP Photo/Haraz Ghanbari)
EARLIER: Jenna Bush and the oh-so-delicate return of the Associated Press’ “unidentifiable male friend” and Young Love, Republican Style

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Grave

George, my son, I know you have it in you to (re)create social security in your image

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Categories
Grave

Coming Soon: The Blue Collar Comedy Tour 2005, Featuring George W. Bush as “George The President Guy”

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Stand-up Guy: George W. Bush, captured by Reuters‘ Jason Reed, April 29, 2005.
Related: Blue Collar TV.

Categories
Grave

If History’s Any Guide, This Trip Will Change His Name, Expand His Definition of Brotherhood, Give His Biopic Its Final Act, And Lead to His Well Deserved Immortality

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Above, Vladimir Putin, Cairo April 27, 2005 (via Reuters); Below, Malcolm X, 1964 (by John Launois/Black Star)