In a low culture breaking news exclusive, the Abercrombie & Fitch Quarterly, scandal sheet-cum-catalogue has been pulled from the countless college outfitters dotting our nation’s malls. While these actions will deprive sporty-types of saucy interviews with Paris Hilton, requisite profiles of the O.C. cast, and all the homoerotica that’s fit to print, the move represents a victory of sorts for New York Post columnist Michelle Malkin, Catholic League malcontent William Donohue and the countless National Coalitions that seek to protect people from themselves. Campuses everywhere are reeling.
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Offending Upwards
Gregg Easterbook has found a new home for his football blog: NFL.com. Good thing, too, since it’s been a few minutes since anyone mentioned his dumb ass. Too bad Radosh is so busy changing diapers, ’cause I’m sure he has what to say on this matter.
Good luck, Gregg: I’m sure you’ll fuck this gig up, too.
Earlier thoughts on Gregg Easterbrook from low culture: What Easterbrook Could Learn from Rousseau
[via Romenesko]
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Ku Klutz Klan
Participant at KKK initiation wounded after shots fired into sky
JOHNSON CITY, Tennessee (AP) — A bullet fired in the air during a Ku Klux Klan initiation ceremony came down and struck a participant in the head, critically injuring him, authorities said.
Gregory Allen Freeman, 45, was charged with aggravated assault and reckless endangerment in the Saturday night incident that wounded Jeffery S. Murr, 24.
Excuse me while I laugh until milk shoots out my nose.
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Day 2 Retractions (Round 4)
While we’ve already snidely covered the numerous instances wherein the U.S. military’s documentation of events has moved from loudly inflammatory on day 1, to quietly inaccurate on day 2, we’re proud to admit another entrant into low culture‘s “Regretful Press Release 2003” contest.
Day 1, November 23, 2003:
Three US soldiers were killed in northern Iraq on Sunday, including two in the heart of the city of Mosul who witnesses said had their throats slit.
Two shopkeepers who saw the attack said the two soldiers killed had their throats slit after being ambushed in traffic.
A senior US military spokesperson said it would be “ghoulish” to comment on the testimony, but did not specifically deny it.
Day 1, continued, November 23, 2003:
An Iraqi mob, most of them teenagers, dragged two bloodied soldiers from the car, threw them to the ground and pummeled their bodies with concrete blocks, according to witnesses, describing a burst of savagery reminiscent of that in Somalia a decade ago.
Day 2, November 24, 2003:
Military officials retracted a report today that two American soldiers had been slashed in their throats in an attack Sunday in the northern city of Mosul.
A military official here, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said that the two soldiers had died of gunshot wounds to the head and that their bodies had been pulled by Iraqis from their car and robbed of their personal belongings.
The military official said that contrary to some reports, the men had not been beaten by rocks or mutilated in any way…
…Another mystery was the initial reports about the men having their throats cut. The official could offer no explanation for that.
Until round 5 of the contest begins, we recommend Amazon.com’s 317th-ranked bestseller, co-authored by Rick Bragg and Paul Wolfowitz.
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What a difference a day makes
On Sunday you’re photographed in The New York Times Magazine in your ‘castle in the sky,’ your “1958 eight-seater De Havilland Beaver DH-2 restored to [your] specifications.” On Monday, you’re on page A9 of the same publication with a sign that reads Will Work For Food.
Won’t you please remember the neediest and rent Hollywood Homicide this holiday weekend?
Seriously, though: despite what our ‘friends’ say, we here at low culture aren’t complete fucking assholes. Please go to CityHarvest.org and make a donation this year.
This week, New York Magazine took a break from passing the Grey Poupon and traveled uptown—way, way uptown—to write about something called rap ‘music.’
But more amazing than having the Towncar take you across 110th Street, is the fact that New York also went back in time for their headline, “Got Beef?”
“Got Beef?” Not a bad hed. Where’d they come up with that?
Hey, New York, next time try to Think Different, won’t you?
Earlier thoughts on New York Magazine from low culture: New York‘s Amazing Feet; I Call Bullshit on New York Magazine
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The Dated Game
Were you aware that online dating is all the rage? If you missed last year’s big story, this Sunday’s New York Times Magazine is happy to provide all the anonymous profiles you need to understand “how Internet dating is re-engineering flirtation…” As if that’s not exciting enough, in a low culture exclusive, we’re previewing feature pieces from future issues of the Times Magazine.
Las Nuevas Sonidas: Why Ricky Martin represents a seismic shift in popular music.
Dave Eggers: Remember the name. This low-key moptop is about to revolutionize the publishing industry.
Swinging from a Star: Does swing dancing portend a sea change in the bar scene?
Napster This!: How one little computer program will profoundly change the music industry.
While today’s New York Times’ op-ed page affords Nigel Hamilton the opportunity to less-than-methodically imagine a world in which JFK was never killed, somehow Hamilton managed to overlook the obvious impact Kennedy’s un-assassination would have on the entertainment industry. Well low culture is here to fill in the blanks, following in the Times’ illegible footsteps.
In honor of Jonathan Ames‘ week-long diary of his trip to Club Med on McSweeneys.net, we here at low culture would like to announce our First Annual (Ever?) Jonathan Ames Write-Alike Contest.
Please use our comments area to post your entries. Extra points awarded for use of Yiddish, references to Scott Fitzgerald, detailed descriptions of bodily functions, and in-depth questioning of your sexuality. All entries not in the first-person will be automatically disqualified.
Winning entry will be printed out and hand delivered to Ames who lives two blocks away from me. (Or his mailbox: see nonexistant rules for further information.) All entries must be submitted…whenever. Must be 18 years or older to enter; only one winner per state, sorry Tennessee.
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Dr. Dean’s in Great Shape
I snoozed on this all week, but this comes from Wednesday’s Times article,
Remains of Dean’s Long-Missing Brother Found by Jodi Wilgoren and Michael Slackman:
Every day on the campaign trail, Howard Dean wears an unfashionable black belt that belonged to his younger brother Charlie, a silent memorial to the man who vanished while traveling the Mekong River 29 years ago… Dr. Dean has worn the black leather belt with the large, silver-rimmed holes for at least 20 years, and counts his brother’s death as a watershed that made him more serious about his own future.
How many middle aged men can say they’ve been able to wear the same belt for 20 years? Oh, and it’s a shame about his brother, too.
[Yes, I know that the belt on the left is brown with a brass buckle.]