Category: Shallow
From today’s edition of the Los Angeles Times (December 29, 2004):
“Tsunami Death Toll Hits 60,000”,
by Richard C. Paddock and Mark Magnier
Tragic news, indeed. But the disaster’s influence is also spreading throughout the realm of international news reporting. To wit, there’s this example of borderline-tasteless syntax from the very same paper:
“28 Die in Wave of Insurgent Attacks in Iraq”,
by Edmund Sanders
Categories
No O.C. Post This Week
Do try to contain yourself.
Earlier: O.C. junk.
From COLIN GLAD TO DROP NEW YEAR’S BALL, The New York Post, Dec. 22, 2004:
“Secretary of State Colin Powell will return to the city of his birth and drop the famous Waterford Crystal ball in Times Square on New Year’s Eve, Mayor Bloomberg announced yesterday.
“‘Colin Powell is the American dream come true,’ Bloomberg said of the Bronx-raised outgoing secretary of state.
“‘He’s done everything his country has ever asked.’…”
Yes, well, that’s been his undoing.
Why is the Times so obsessed with autism? It’s like they’re in their own little world, not looking out, just focusing inward.
Battling Insurers Over Autism Treatment, December 21, 2004, by MILT FREUDENHEIM, appearing in the Business section
How About Not ‘Curing’ Us, Some Autistics Are Pleading, December 20, 2004, by AMY HARMON, appearing in the Health section
In Autism, New Goal Is Finding It Soon Enough to Fight It, December 14, 2004, by ANAHAD O’CONNOR, appearing in the Health section
For Siblings of the Autistic, a Burdened Youth, December 10, 2004, by JANE GROSS, appearing in the National Desk section
One subject matter. One human interest. Three different sections. Three different weeks. Four different dates. Four different writers.
More proof that wire-service photo editors have a top-notch sense of humor, at least when it comes to fetuses and acts of depravity: The above image was attached to the latest A.P. wire story about that whole “I killed a woman and cut her unborn baby from her mangled womb” news item from last week.
Seriously. That image right there. Of the suspect maternally holding a fucking chihuahua or some other hirsute little newborn.
Thankfully, they clarify the presence of the dog with their accompanying caption:
This is an undated photo showing Lisa M. Montgomery, a resident of Melvern, Kan. Montgomery was arrested late Friday, Dec. 17, 2004, and charged with kidnapping resulting in death in a case of a woman being murdered and her 8-month-old fetus cut out of her womb. The baby of Bobbie Jo Stinnett was recovered and was reported in good condition on Saturday. (AP Photo/Maryville Daily Forum)
See? Embedded somewhere within those clauses is a full and rational explanation for using this particular photo of the woman. You just have to be one of those university-trained “close readers”, perhaps.
Me? I’m just a loving asshole who adores puppy portraits, and fuck if I don’t get angry when such cute photos are tainted with the Anne Geddes-esque stigma of dead mothers and shortened pregnancies.
Categories
Adventures in the Skin Trade, Vol. 2
Wes Anderson (left) at “The Aviator” premiere and C. Montgomery Burns (right)
If it is not too unseemly for a man of my wealth and abundant religious and intellectual gifts to complain, I must say that the hardest part of being on the run in the mountains of Tora Bora is how often I miss my favorite infidel television program, The O.C.
Why are you laughing? Who says that a righteous man, a man who seeks to break the back of the American Satan, cannot enjoy a few laughs once in a while, a little eye candy? I work 24 hours a day to destroy America and the secularist lambs that follow it like, well, like lambs. Can I not take one hour a week to bask in the comforting Southern California glow of The O.C.? Can I not spend a little Osama time in the land of perpetual summer time?
Do you know what I go through just to see the show you infidels take for granted? It must be taped off a secure satellite feed by one of my operatives, and then smuggled inside his rectum as he traverses the unforgiving Afghan terrain to whatever cave or modest safe house I am inhabiting that day. All this, so that I may re-immerse myself in the travails of the Jew Seth Cohen and the Christian Ryan Atwood? (Don’t even get me started on Chrismukkah: I love it, but I don’t even know which part of that holiday I’d want to destroy first if I had the chance.)
While I enjoy the jihad thing, the best part of my week is watching The O.C. while eating some sugar free SnackWell Cookies which have also been smuggled to my lair in someone’s rectum. (What? I do not judge your infidel food—and I saw Supersize Me!)
Now do you understand why I often appear cranky and irritable in the videos I send to Al Jazeera? I am usually mad because my holy soldiers are so often captured or killed by your army as they make their way to me with my tapes! I have missed whole plot arcs—and I would thank you not to tell them to me, I fully intend to see them eventually—and while reading infidel websites like Television Without Pity help, it is just not the same. I want my O.C., and without it, Osama becomes a grumpy Gus!
Let me be truthful with you: I am very ill and the only thing that is keeping me alive at this point is The O.C.. I have been going through the motions of hating America for over a year now (frankly, you can all fuck yourselves, I’m so over you), but what keeps me going is this show, this popular culture phenomenon that we share together.
It’s actually quite nice to be a part of something, instead of always being on the outside looking in. I do not know you, but because of The O.C., I feel we could be friends. Maybe we can IM a bit after the show tonight, if you’re not too busy? If not, I can come visit you soon at your home.
Actually, I can almost guarantee you that I will be visiting you at your home soon. I hope you have some sugar free SnackWell Cookies. I do love them so.
Actually, I’ve never seen The O.C.; I’m sure it’s pretty good.
The O.C. airs Thursday nights at 8PM EST on FOX.
Earlier: Other thoughts on The O.C
Categories
Meet Your New Model Overlord
In a complete miscarriage of justice, it’s Eva, while anyone in their right mind knows Yaya was robbed.
(And that Adrianne Curry has been such a rousing success.)
Categories
In the Crosshairs
As part of low culture’s ongoing commitment to taking the fun out of everything, we are proud to present our first (and possibly last (it’s very annoying typing this in)) New York Times crossword puzzle cheat sheet. Impress friends, lovers, or anyone who is actually impressed by this kind of crap.