low culture

Robin Williams, what happened to you? You were doing so good there for a second or two. You almost made me forget about Patch Adams and Jakob the Liar, What Dreams May Come and the other syrupy sweet pieces of crap you put out in the last decade. And now I hear about House of D the new movie you’re shooting. According to one of your fansites, House of D is the story about a long time friendship between a young [David] Duchovny (Anton Yelchin) and his retarded Elementary school janitor (Robin Williams). This description does not fill me with confidence. Please, Robin Williams!
Now, David Duchovny, what happened to you? I was never an X-Files fan, but I like your droll, intelligent persona (and your awesome cameos on The Larry Sanders Show and creepy role in Full Frontal). You wrote and are currently directing this movie (in Brooklyn, no less), so I’m sure it’s autobiographical, but David Duchovny, please resist the temptation to make anything that can be described as “touching,” “shot-through with emotion,” or “ringing true with pure sentiment.” I expect better from you. Please, David Duchovny!
Don’t even get me started on you, Shia LeBeouf! Get a haircut already. Please, Shia LeBeouf!

First, there was that stupid broom, and now this. Will someone please elect this guy before he gets ahold of a falcon or an adorable kitten? Please.
Incidentally, here’s a little Californian who clearly resents being (ab)used as a prop by a megalomaniacal Hollywood hypocrite with schnitzel breath. You can practically see her on the shrink’s couch bitching about her parents in 15 years.

On Friday night, the police found no one home, but talked to a neighbor who complained of large amounts of urine and a strong smell coming through the ceiling. – Alan Feuer and Jason George, “Police Subdue a Tiger in Harlem Apartment”

This just in: Howard Dean leaves Presidential run to work for Klinger’s, a Burlington area supermarket. Reports indicate the former state Governor did not ask customers their bag preference and neglected to place a bottle of bleach in a separate plastic bag to avoid risk of poisoning. At press time, Dr. Dean was unavailable for comment as he was mopping up baby vomit in aisle three.

Ripping a page out of the Coen brothers’ canon, Arnold Schwarzenegger made an appearance this weekend brandishing a broom and promising sweep Gray Davis out of office.
Not bad, but where’s his “little man”? To wit, here’s Candidate Homer Stokes speechifyin’ in O, Brother Where Art Thou?
STOKES
And I say to you that the great state
a Mississippi cannot afford four more
years a Pappy O’Daniel – four more
years a cronyism, nepotism, rascalism
and service to the Innarests! The
choice, she’s a clear ‘un: Pappy
O’Daniel, slave a the Innarests; Homer
Stokes, servant a the little man! Ain’t
that right, little fella?
The midget enthusiastically seconds:
MIDGET
He ain’t lyin’!
STOKES
When the litle man says jump, Homer
Stokes says how high? And, ladies’n
jettymens, the little man has
admonished me to grasp the broom a
ree-form and sweep this state clean!
[Script via Script-o-Rama]

The Antic Muse takes one for the team and sits through an agonizing meeting full of corporate double (and triple?) speak.
Question: Have the speakers been frozen in ice since 1999, or are they like those Japanese soldiers who refused to surrender after WWII?

As noted earlier, I’m a bit fixated on insensitive/unimaginative headlines for The Station Agent and its star Peter Dinklage. Entering the fray yet again is The New York Post with the worst headline I’ve seen since the days of my high school newspaper, The Southerner.
GENTLE MISFIT FRIENDS ARE FIT FOR FINE FILM