Dear Robin, David, and Shia

Robin Williams, what happened to you? You were doing so good there for a second or two. You almost made me forget about Patch Adams and Jakob the Liar, What Dreams May Come and the other syrupy sweet pieces of crap you put out in the last decade. And now I hear about House of D the new movie you’re shooting. According to one of your fansites, House of D is the story about a long time friendship between a young [David] Duchovny (Anton Yelchin) and his retarded Elementary school janitor (Robin Williams). This description does not fill me with confidence. Please, Robin Williams!
Now, David Duchovny, what happened to you? I was never an X-Files fan, but I like your droll, intelligent persona (and your awesome cameos on The Larry Sanders Show and creepy role in Full Frontal). You wrote and are currently directing this movie (in Brooklyn, no less), so I’m sure it’s autobiographical, but David Duchovny, please resist the temptation to make anything that can be described as “touching,” “shot-through with emotion,” or “ringing true with pure sentiment.” I expect better from you. Please, David Duchovny!
Don’t even get me started on you, Shia LeBeouf! Get a haircut already. Please, Shia LeBeouf!