Categories
Grave

Previewing the State of the Union, 2005: The President practices his applause lines (all three of them)

sotu2005_appl.jpg

Categories
Grave Satirical

Def Condi Jam

condi_comedy.jpg
Funny Lady: Secretary of State Rice on her first day at the State Department, Jan. 27, 2005 (via Reuters)
“Thank you, thank you. What a great audience out there. Really, I’m not just saying that: you’re a great group. You wanna know another great group? The U.N. Or, as I like to call them, ‘The United Colors of Benetton!’
“Funny thing about the U.N., and this is a true story! I was there a couple of days ago for a big meeting and one of the aides said to me, ‘Do you know where Kofi is?’ So, I looked her dead in the eyes and said, ‘Listen, just ’cause my title says Secretary doesn’t mean I’m gonna get you coffee!’ Oh, boy! She turned green then red then blue: talk about united colors!
“I’m outta time. Good night folks, you’ve been great! Don’t forget to tip your server.”

Categories
Grave

January 30th, 2005: This Birthday’s Gonna Be da’ Bomb!

cheney_bday2.jpg
For a Man With A Whole Lotta Heart (Problems)
“Suicide bombs and mortars killed at least 27 people, but voters still came out in force for the first multi-party poll in 50 years. In some places they cheered with joy at their first chance to cast a free vote, in others they shared chocolates.” – Iraqis Brave Bombs to Vote in Their Millions, Reuters, Jan. 30, 2005.
“Mr. Cheney was born in Lincoln, Nebraska, on January 30, 1941 and grew up in Casper, Wyoming…” – White House bio
Last Year: Present Accomplished

Categories
Grave

Ideological Corrections: For the Record

From “Corrections,” The New York Times, Jan. 29, 2005:

Because of an editing error, an article yesterday about Condoleezza Rice’s first day as secretary of state referred incorrectly to her coming trip to the Mideast. She will meet Palestinian leaders in the West Bank, not in Israel.

Categories
Grave

On Sunday, would these six Iraqis have voted for the United Iraqi Alliance, or, maybe, the Assembly of Independent Democrats?

iraq_police_dead_01.jpg

iraq_police_dead_02.jpg

I guess we’ll never know.
RELATED: Major parties and alliances, the Associated Press

Categories
Grave

And Now for Something Important…

cheney_parka_auschwitz.jpg
Cheney Criticized for Attire at Auschwitz Ceremony, Reuters
Cheney’s Attire Draws Ire, CBS News
Cheney criticized for Auschwitz attire, Swissinfo
Fashion Writer Tsks Cheney’s Wardrobe Malfunction, FOX News
Dick Cheney, Dressing Down, Washington Post
Cheney Under Fire For Attire At Auschwitz Ceremony, Jackson Channel
Oh, and some other issues of note:
Five US soldiers, eight Iraqis killed in pre-election attacks, Turkish Press

Categories
Grave

Two Friends Talking: A One Act Play

blair_phone.jpgbush_phone.jpg
Blair Calls on United States to Cooperate With Rest of the World, by Alan Cowell, The New York Times, Jan. 27, 2005.
TB: Mr. President, you need to cooperate with the rest of the world, sir.
GWB: Aw, hoss. Why you ridin’ my ass?
TB: Mr. Bush, I’m quite serious on this matter.
GWB: ‘Quite serious!’ Fah-fah-fah, I’m an Englisher! Spotted dick!
TB: Now listen here, Mr. President: I shan’t allow you to mock my accent. The world needs unity.
GWB: Shan’t. That’s funny, hoss. You callin’ me from a dang car phone, Tonesy?
TB: Busted, sir.
GWB: Now you know you can’t be callin’ me from no car phone, man! Ashcroft’s got one of them scanners: Laura and I gotta turn on the bathroom sinks just to talk dirty. You can’t be callin’ me from no car phone, hoss.
TB: Yes, sir. Well, Mr. President, I’m almost to my destination. Please do try to cooperate with the rest of the world.
GWB: Alright, hoss. You know I’d do anything for you, Tone. You’re my boy. You’re my boy, Blue! You’re my boy! You get that over there in Britland, Tony? Ya’ get it?
TB: Yes, Mr. President. I saw Old School. Very amusing. I, um, must go now. I’m getting another call. It’s Nelson Mandela.
GWB: Nelson? He’s my boy, too—
TB: Breaking… breaking up, sir.
[click]
GWB: Tony? Tony? Damn dial tone. Get it? Tony, Tony, Tone? Ya’ get that, hoss? Damn, I’m talkin’ to myself here.
[with respect to David Rees: You’re my boy, Rees!]

Categories
Grave

Here’s to a great second term!

balloons_bush_top_03.jpg
balloons_bush_bottom.jpg
“America’s vital interests and our deepest beliefs are now one. From the day of our founding, we have proclaimed that every man and woman on this earth has rights, and dignity, and matchless value, because they bear the image of the maker of heaven and earth. Across the generations, we have proclaimed the imperative of self-government, because no one is fit to be a master, and no one deserves to be a slave. Advancing these ideals is the mission that created our nation. It is the honorable achievement of our fathers. Now it is the urgent requirement of our nation’s security, and the calling of our time.
So it is the policy of the United States to seek and support the growth of democratic movements and institutions in every nation and culture, with the ultimate goal of ending tyranny in our world.”

— From President Bush’s second inaugural speech, January 20, 2005

Categories
Grave

I voted today. Did you? (Also, my mom took the crusts off of my sandwich.)

iraqs_aging_electorate_01.jpg
Iraqi youngsters display an election pamphlet, as a British soldier on patrol in the southern Iraqi city of Basra, looks on, Wednesday Jan. 2005, as Iraq heads for national elections scheduled for January 30.(AP Photo/Odd Anderson, pool)
iraqs_aging_electorate_02.jpg
Children examine election posters displayed on a campaign vehicle as Kurdish women’s rights activists raise election awareness among poor and often illiterate women in suburbs of Arbil, Wednesday, Jan. 26. 2005. Kurds are expected to attend the forthcoming elections in Iraq in overwhelming numbers thus strengthening their position in the interim Iraqi parliament. (AP Photo/Sasa Kralj)

Categories
Grave

You can’t handle the truth!

bush_nicholson_truth.jpgFrom Powell gives bleak assessment of Iraq security problems, by Guy Dinmore in Washington for the Financial Times, January 13 2005:

According to Chas Freeman, former US ambassador to Saudi Arabia and head of the independent Middle East Policy Council, Mr Bush recently asked Mr Powell for his view on the progress of the war. “We’re losing,” Mr Powell was quoted as saying. Mr Freeman said Mr Bush then asked the secretary of state to leave.

Or, directly from Mr. Freeman’s mouth, by way of the transcript of his appearance at the recent Capitol Hill Conference Series on U.S. Middle East Policy, Iraq, Afghanistan, and the War on “Terror”, January 11, 2005:

Anyway, the other day I understand that someone went into the Oval Office – someone known to everybody here, a rather senior person who is on his way out of the administration – and was asked by the president what was going on in Iraq, and said, with his characteristic bluntness, we’re losing – and was asked to leave the office forthwith and not continue the discussion.
So there’s a question about what is going on in Iraq, and perhaps the competition between reality-based analysis, much disparaged in Washington these days, and hallucinatory optimism, which is the alternative.