Categories
Satirical Shallow

The low culture interview: Stanley Bostitch Model B440 stapler

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Stanley Bostitch Model B440 Stapler, stapler

Categories
Satirical Shallow

The ‘S’ in Harvard stands for ‘Sex’

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Available now at Out of Town News
From The Harvard Crimson, Feb. 11, 2004:

After flipping through the pages of Squirm, a Vassar College erotica magazine, the Committee on College Life (CCL) voted to approve a student-run magazine that will feature nude pictures of Harvard undergraduates and articles about sexual issues at its meeting yesterday.

[via Romenesko]

Categories
Satirical Shallow

I know we don’t

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PLUS: Who the fuck is Jennifer Lopez?

Categories
Grave Satirical

Number Three With a Bullish (attitude)

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If you thought he was intense in Betrayal, wait ’till you see him go totally Over the Top!
“Not bad, but a bit stale!”— Variety
“Another well-executed movie poster parody that no one appreciates!”— Entertainment Weekly

Categories
Satirical Shallow

It’s a Wonderful Night for a Sundance

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Ashton Kutcher enjoying that Holocaust documentary
Dateline, Park City, Utah— The temperature is dipping below zero tonight at the Sundance Film Festival, but the scene is heating up here at the Miramax/Metamucil party in honor of My Baby’s Daddy. While technically not part of the festival, the movie has the distinction of being the eighth highest grossing film in the country this past weekend. Truly, this is a great moment for Miramax, the little New York indie that helped put this little Utah town on the map.
No wonder Harvey Weinstein, Miramax’s Ozymandias-like president, is feeling magnanimous tonight. The big man has taken it upon himself to greet every guest personally: he offers a firm handshake to every man, a courtly kiss on the cheek to every woman, and in a display of his wonderful sense of humor (this is the man, after all, who snapped up that modern classic, Happy, Texas at the fest five years ago), he’s putting every journalist present in loving headlock.
To answer your two top questions: Yes, and Old Spice.

Categories
Grave Satirical

Dean of Hearts

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From the producers of Primary Attractions comes this story of coldhearted betrayal in the cold heartland state of Iowa.
The Nomination was his, but Revenge was hers.

Categories
Satirical Shallow

Movies for Dumb Kids

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low culture‘s Special Education and Popular Culture Correspondent Nikki logs this report:
“In the high-stakes heist at the heart of The Perfect Score, due in theaters Jan. 30, six young thieves conspire to steal the biggest prize of all: the answers to the SAT.”— USA Today, Jan. 13, 2004
Tagline: “The SAT is hard to take. It’s even harder to steal.”
Other films coming soon:
The Queens Regents (alternate title, Bored of Regents):
Six 9th graders in Astoria conspire to steal the answers to the English Regents exam.
Tagline: “Pass the tzatziki, son. And pass the Regents exam.”
It’s Elementary:
Six 2nd graders conspire to steal the answers to the Stanford Achievement Test.
Tagline: “All they wanted was a 6th-grade reading level.”
My Big Fat Jewish Bar Mitzvah:
A 13-year-old Jewish boy hires his cousin to write his Bar Mitzvah speech for him.
Tagline: “He thanked God, Rabbi Lonstein, his parents—but most of all, his
cousin Jeff.”
A Tale of Two Two Year Olds:
Dramatization of the Jack Grubman/92nd St. Y scandal.
Tagline: “It’s fun to stay at the YMHA, but first you have to get in.”
Rainbows and Waterfalls:
Little Michael’s IQ test score was good… not good for his mother—Susan Smith.
Tagline: “Getting away with murder is even harder than getting into
preschool.”

Categories
Satirical Shallow

Coming Soon to a Theater Near Iowa

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“The Love Story of 2004!” -CNN
“Almost as hot as Howard Dean!” -Ain’t it Cool News

Categories
Satirical Shallow

The Wedding Photo

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Britney Jean Spears weds Jason Allen Alexander
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Earlier: Jason and Britney at the Kid’s Choice Awards.

Categories
Grave Satirical

The Search is On!

31prob184.jpgBrooklyn boy done good, Patrick J. Fitzgerald has been named special counsel, heading up the investigation into who leaked the name of CIA agent Valerie Plame to the press.
Fitgerald was actually Attorney General John Ashcroft’s second choice after former All-American (and Heisman trophy winner) O.J. Simpson. Simpson declined the role to continue the search for his wife’s real killer.
Simpson and Fitzgerald are both scheduled to complete their inquiries two months from never.