Category: Grave

Poor, poor Colin Powell, always caught in the middle of all sorts of political and diplomatic crossfire. After his adventures at the U.N. regarding Iraq last spring, and his negotiations with North Korea over their acquisition of “nucular” weapons, he can now look forward to this week’s compromising involvement in that proverbial fool’s errand, the Middle East peace process.
But first, some background, courtesy of Alisa Solomon at the Village Voice, on the “Geneva Accord” (whose full text is available here):

At its heart, it proposes a Palestinian state on almost all the land Israel captured in the 1967 war. (Some border modifications would enable Israel to absorb Jewish neighborhoods outside Jerusalem for which Palestinians would get a one-to-one land swap; other Jewish settlements in the West Bank would be evacuated.) The accord elaborates an internationally monitored system for sharing Jerusalem as the capital of both states and it pledges Palestinian recognition of a right of the Jewish people to statehood (and Israeli recognition of the same for Palestinians). Most groundbreaking, it lays out a formula for refugee compensation and resettlement that “provides for the permanent and complete resolution of the Palestinian refugee problem,” thus nullifying any future Palestinian claims for Israeli land or refugee rights.

Secretary of State Powell (never, by the way, has the acronym “S.O.S.” seemed more appropriate) is scheduled to meet with the Israeli and Palestinian authors of the current peace process cause du jour this upcoming Friday.

“I don’t know why I or anyone else in the U.S. government should deny ourselves the opportunity to hear from others and who have ideas with respect to peace,” Powell said at a news conference during a visit to Tunisia.
He added that the meeting “in no way undercuts our strong support” for Israel and the road map.

OK, sounds like a fairly reasonable stance, Colin. One which, however, set off alarms with rightwing Israeli politicos. And by “alarms”, I mean, “hysterical analogies”:

“It is as though the French foreign minister were to meet (American) Indian chiefs who claimed to have been dispossessed of their land, and who were now getting organized with money provided by the Cuban ruler Fidel Castro,” read an editorial in Hatzofeh, a newspaper affiliated with the National Religious Party.

Umm, yes, that’s it exactly.
If we’re comfortable with all these erroneous socio-historical analogies, let’s try some alternates: “It’s like Los Angeles mayor James Hahn meeting with the Crips to work out their feud with the Bloods, while taking campaign donations from the makers of British “BK” Knights.” Or, “You wouldn’t resolve the dispute between David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar by having Gary Cherone preside over the settlement. Plus, Extreme sucked more than Arafat and Netanyahu combined.”
Realistically, however, the most effective way to put up a roadblock for any sort of “road map” would be to, say, build a gargantuan wall right across that very road. Good luck on Friday, Colin.

For that completely historically ignorant hipublican on your holiday gift list; only $15.95. Not included: a fucking clue.
[Thanks Dave!]

At the risk of encroaching upon Gothamist‘s turf, we’re going “local” for a moment. Today’s New York Times unfurls a piece about the city’s budgetary problems in dealing with the increasing costs of ridding the five boroughs of the thousands of tons of trash it produces daily. Given Mayor Bloomberg’s oh-so-non-green anti-embrace of recycling initiatives, it may or may not be of any great concern that this particular article appeared in newspapers which must have used thousands upon thousands of tons of wood pulp for today’s Times paper production. But that’s beside the point. We’re talking about trash here, not the Times. Or vice versa?
The article floats a number of ideas entertained by city officials as they attempt to locate novel (and cheap) ways of dealing with the refuse, which is currently de-Manhattanized by trains heading north and trucks making

“about 240,000 trips a year to and from New Jersey, mostly over the George Washington Bridge, taking at least 30 minutes to travel each way. In addition, 250,000 or so trips are made on the region’s highways by tractor-trailers taking the waste to landfills in Pennsylvania, Virginia and Ohio. A tiny part of the city’s 11,000 tons a day of residential trash goes to a landfill in upstate New York.”

The “radical” alternatives being bounced around by officials include some well-nigh science fiction-esque proposals, such as building “three 900-foot semisubmersible ships” which “would carry as many as 18 of the old-style barges at a time to landfills in the northeastern United States or to an island in the Caribbean…where an incinerator would be built.” Or how about the one where the city builds “a trash plant within New York City that would heat waste to such a high temperature — perhaps 30,000 degrees — that the garbage would break into elemental components, creating byproducts of natural gas and a stone-like residue. The gas the plant would create could be used to power it.”
One idea seems to go unconsidered, however. Taking a “virtuous” cue from Vice President Dick Cheney, perhaps we, as residents of this great urban environment, might consider engaging in a bit of that age-old conservation? This includes heartily embracing responsible packaging initiatives and being wary of products and corporations that fail to do likewise. Just a bit of “personal” public policy, if you will.
Until then, “Happy Holidays!” from low culture.
(Sidebar: Today’s Daily News is coincidentally running an article that tangentially touches upon both issues, i.e. the city’s budget and its trash. It seems New York’s chief marketing officer, the same jackass who brought us the Snapple-in-schools initiative, wants to plaster advertisements all over the city’s trash cans to generate revenue. Someone, please help us.)

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and NATO Secretary General George Roberts, et. al. pose for a NATO “family photo.”
This happens every Thanksgiving. Dad sets the timer on his camera and gets the whole family together for a group photo. And wouldn’t you know it, the damn flash goes off before he makes it to the group and before anyone’s ready, producing a series of embarrassing candids.

Army Spc. Rel A. Ravago IV, age 21; Glendale, CA
Enlisted American fatalities since March 2003
[With apologies and admiration for George Lois.]

After all the discussion last month about President Bush’s dismissal of the national news media as a “filter”, rather than a conduit, for his “message”, it’s super-meta-blogging quiz time here at low culture: Between Michael Jackson and George W. Bush, guess which public figure had his media folks say this about his newly-launched blog (the obvious giveaways have been “blacked out“):

“…the Web site allows _____ to bypass the news media to deliver his side of the story to the public.
“He’s able to communicate with those people interested without the message being filtered by the media,” said _____. “If he wants to put out an 800-word press release, you can read all 800 words.”

Bonus points go to whomever can guess which of these two public figures has been arrested at some point in his life (though I guess that doesn’t really help to clarify anything).
Extra bonus points go to whomever can justify, or at least explain, the use of the scribbled crayon font in Bush’s blog logo (see the actual graphic above).
*(Answer, if you really care about the previous quote: Michael Jackson.)

Participant at KKK initiation wounded after shots fired into sky
JOHNSON CITY, Tennessee (AP) — A bullet fired in the air during a Ku Klux Klan initiation ceremony came down and struck a participant in the head, critically injuring him, authorities said.
Gregory Allen Freeman, 45, was charged with aggravated assault and reckless endangerment in the Saturday night incident that wounded Jeffery S. Murr, 24.
Excuse me while I laugh until milk shoots out my nose.

While we’ve already snidely covered the numerous instances wherein the U.S. military’s documentation of events has moved from loudly inflammatory on day 1, to quietly inaccurate on day 2, we’re proud to admit another entrant into low culture‘s “Regretful Press Release 2003” contest.
Day 1, November 23, 2003:

Three US soldiers were killed in northern Iraq on Sunday, including two in the heart of the city of Mosul who witnesses said had their throats slit.
Two shopkeepers who saw the attack said the two soldiers killed had their throats slit after being ambushed in traffic.
A senior US military spokesperson said it would be “ghoulish” to comment on the testimony, but did not specifically deny it.

Day 1, continued, November 23, 2003:

An Iraqi mob, most of them teenagers, dragged two bloodied soldiers from the car, threw them to the ground and pummeled their bodies with concrete blocks, according to witnesses, describing a burst of savagery reminiscent of that in Somalia a decade ago.

Day 2, November 24, 2003:

Military officials retracted a report today that two American soldiers had been slashed in their throats in an attack Sunday in the northern city of Mosul.
A military official here, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said that the two soldiers had died of gunshot wounds to the head and that their bodies had been pulled by Iraqis from their car and robbed of their personal belongings.
The military official said that contrary to some reports, the men had not been beaten by rocks or mutilated in any way…
…Another mystery was the initial reports about the men having their throats cut. The official could offer no explanation for that.

Until round 5 of the contest begins, we recommend Amazon.com’s 317th-ranked bestseller, co-authored by Rick Bragg and Paul Wolfowitz.

President Bush, despite his being a longtime proponent of repetitive mantras, really ought to look into hiring a new set of speechwriters, lest we have to endure, yet again, his uttering the following lines when asked about protests against his administration’s policies.
November 20, 2003, on London’s protesters:
“Freedom is beautiful,” Bush said today, adding he was happy to be in a country where people were allowed to speak their minds freely. “All I know is that people in Baghdad weren’t allowed to do this until recent history.”
November 17, 2003, anticipating London’s protesters:
“I am so pleased to be going to a country which says that people are allowed to express their mind. That’s fantastic. Freedom is a beautiful thing,” he told the Press Association.
May 21, 2003, on Berlin’s protesters:
“That’s good. That’s democracy,” Bush said of the protests. “See, I love to visit a place that is confident in her freedom, a place where people feel free to express themselves, because that’s what I believe in.”
February 15, 2003, on worldwide protests:
“The president views force as a last resort. He still hopes for a peaceful resolution and that is up to Saddam Hussein,” White House spokeswoman Jeanie Mamo said. “The president is a strong advocate for freedom and democracy. And one of the democratic values that we hold dear is the right of people to peacefully assemble and express their views.”
Have we reached saturation yet?