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Bush and his electorate

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MAIN PHOTO: U.S. President George W. Bush points the way for his dog, Spot, before boarding Air Force One on January 3, 2004 in Waco, Texas. Seeking to tout his domestic agenda in an election year, President Bush said the education bill he signed two years ago was spurring reform at local schools. ‘We have recently received test results that show America’s children are making progress,’ Bush said in his first radio address of the new year. (Mike Theiler/Reuters)
INSET: While Democrats stump to replace him in neighboring Iowa, President George W. Bush begins the election year on January 5, 2004 by visiting Missouri to promote his education reforms and raise campaign money. Bush leaves St. John’s Church in Washington, January 4. (William Philpott/Reuters)

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Linguistic Terrorists

First off, this is not some right-wing reference to Noam Chomsky.
Rather, consider this a well-meaning notice to pundits and politicos that it may be time to refrain from your excessively liberal usage of the loaded lexicon of “terrorism” and its popular siblings, “terror” and “terrorist”.
In last year’s State of the Union address, for instance, President Bush made use of this “terror trilogy” a striking 21 times, according to the LA Weekly.
And last month, researchers at Syracuse University pored through Justice Department records to better examine Attorney General John Ashcroft’s braggadocio-inducing, supposedly “successful” prosecution of the War on Terror™, I mean, “Terror”. Their results may be considered surprising, at least if you’re the sort of overworked and under-relaxed American who occasionally watches CNN when not flipping through the 11PM local newscasts or 6PM Moesha reruns.

“TRAC data shows that convictions in cases the Justice Department says are related to international terrorism jumped 7 1/2 times compared with the two years before the attacks – from 24 to 184 – but the number of individuals who received sentences of five or more years actually dropped, from six in the two years before the attacks to three in the two years that followed.
When crimes the Justice Department said were related to domestic terrorism are included, convictions jump from 96 before the attacks to 341 after. Despite that dramatic increase, the number of those individuals who received sentences of five or more years dropped from 24 to 16.
…In what authorities describe as a strategy of prevention, potential or suspected terrorists are being charged since the 2001 attacks with minor nonterrorism crimes to get them off the street or out of the country.
…Federal authorities in New Jersey initially included attempts by 65 Middle Eastern men to cheat on an English-language entrance exam among their “terrorism-related” cases, briefly boosting terrorism prosecutions in that state from two to 67. The categorization was changed after it was reported in the media.”

And then there’s this verbal gadfly from today’s Arizona Republic, in what very well may be the straw that broke the terrorist’s back:

“Family members of slain soldier Lori Piestewa lashed out at the media Wednesday for practicing ‘domestic terrorism’ by televising a tape of the badly wounded Piestewa in an Iraqi hospital bed shortly before her death.
‘This terrorism was not from any foreign group wishing to harm the United States but from our own people wanting to make a quick buck off the misfortune of two young women,’ a prepared statement from the Piestewa family said of NBC’s decision to air the tape on their Nightly NewsTuesday. Several cable channels picked it up, but local affilliate, Channel 12 (KPNX) decided not to air the footage.”

As early as October 2001, Nation columnist Bruce Shapiro foresaw these sorts of problems arising when he discussed a bill pending before the House and Senate–one which had not yet come to be known as Ashcroft’s original PATRIOT Act.

“The point is simply that terrorism is a term of politics rather than legal precision. But in Ashcroft’s vision, it appears to be a label to be applied indiscriminately. Ashcroft’s initial bill defined terrorism as any violent crime in which financial gain is not the principal motivation. The House adds more precise language: To qualify, crimes or conspiracies must be “calculated to influence or affect the conduct of government by intimidation or coercion or to retaliate against government conduct.” Yet even this definition is big enough to drive a parade wagon through. An unruly blockade of the World Trade Organization could bring down the full force of antiterrorism law as easily as could a bombing.”

Orange Alert be damned. Let’s try some of that compassionate conservativism and lay off the liberal usage of “terrorism” for a while.

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Memo to Dean: Other Americans aren’t comfortable in a milieu where the term milieu is used

yale.jpg“You know, I have grown up in the Northeast my entire life. And in the Northeast, we do not talk openly about religion. I’ve spent a lot of time in the South. I have a lot of friends from the South. In the South, people do integrate religion openly, easily into their lives, both Black Southerners and white Southerners.
“I understand that if I’m going to campaign for the presidency of the United States, I have to be comfortable in the milieu that other Americans are comfortable, not just for my own region, for everywhere else.
“I think any columnist who questions my belief is over the line. But I do believe that it is important for the president of the United States to be comfortable everywhere, and I plan to learn how to do that.”—Howard Dean at the Democratic Candidates Debate in Iowa, Jan. 4, 2004 (via CNN)

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“We’re gonna stick together, just like it used to be.”

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Nine men who came too late and stayed too long… Unchanged men in a changing land. Out of step, out of place and desperately out of time.The Wild Bunch
“We’re not gonna get rid of anybody. We’re gonna stick together, just like it used to be. When you side with a man, you stay with him. And if you can’t do that, you’re like some animal, you’re finished. We’re finished! All of us!”— Pike Bishop (William Holden)

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Art Attack

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If you thought that The Boondocks‘ Aaron McGruder was overly hostile towards Condoleeza Rice, you better not click over to the LA Weekly‘s annual Comics Issue. If you do, you can see art provocateur Robbie Conal‘s aggressively unflattering portrait of our nation’s National Security Advisor.
I should say that as unpleasant as the reproduction above is, it doesn’t do justice to the image on the LA Weekly‘s site, which comes equipped with a plug-in that lets you zoom in—way in—and see every detail.
You may have total recall of an earlier Conal piece reproduced on low culture in October. Somehow that one seems a lot less grotesque than this most recent one. Maybe that’s because in most viewers’ eyes, the earlier subject is already pretty repelant, whereas Rice is, at least aesthetically, quite appealing. Somehow I doubt this picture will be going into her scrapbook.

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Grave Satirical

The Search is On!

31prob184.jpgBrooklyn boy done good, Patrick J. Fitzgerald has been named special counsel, heading up the investigation into who leaked the name of CIA agent Valerie Plame to the press.
Fitgerald was actually Attorney General John Ashcroft’s second choice after former All-American (and Heisman trophy winner) O.J. Simpson. Simpson declined the role to continue the search for his wife’s real killer.
Simpson and Fitzgerald are both scheduled to complete their inquiries two months from never.

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Grave Satirical

Lists, 2003: The Year in Left-wing Conspiracy Theories

laweekly-listissue-cover.jpgIn last week’s year-end “lists” issue of the LA Weekly, Joshuah Bearman put forth a wonderful compendium of “Real Names of Classified Concepts in the Military Planning Document ‘Air Force 2025’‘. The list is disturbing, to say the least, in that it’s really, really hard to pinpoint whether or not this list is satirical in scope or merely an illustration of some of the foolish ways in which our tax dollars are spent.
For instance, is the catalog number for military research into these destructive projects really limited to a six-digit range? One would have thought that former Defense Secretary Dick Cheney alone could have brought at least 100,000 ideas to the table when his administration took office. Anyway, here’s Bearman’s list, included below in its entirety:

No. 900481: Destructo Swarmbots
No. 200015: Distortion Field Projector
No. 200023: Surveillance Swarm
No. 900258: Oxygen Sucker
No. 900299: Hunter-Killer Attack Platform
No. 900336: Cloaking
No. 900364: Bionic Eye
No. 900522: Space-Based A.I.-Driven Intelligence Master Mind System
No. 900288: Swarms of Micro-Machines
And INCAPACATTACK: The Strings of the Puppet Master

We here at low culture think the editors of AlterNet, that wacky left-wing “news and opinion” site, have missed a golden opportunity here to follow up on Bearman’s piece above and spew forth some wild, ill-researched conspiracy theories on this past weekend’s devastating Iranian earthquake.
Included forthwith, “Classified, but Extant, Weapons for Eliminating Axis-of-Evil Nations”:
1. No-fault WMD Insurance
2. The Flatline
3. Detonatron 2000
4. Andre 3000 (“shake it like a Polaroid picture”)

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3,000 Americans did not die this weekend

I’ve been in Los Angeles, away from any form of regular internet access, for a little more than a week now, but, I swear…didn’t I hear something about roughly 25,000 Iranian people dying this weekend? I mean, I couldn’t have imagined that, right?
Based on an assessment of the major dailies’ headlines and a perusal of the cable news networks’ coverage, reporting on this natural disaster seems to have nearly dried up. With only a handful of exceptions, there’s been no indefatigable documentation of scores of volunteers sifting through the rubble, trying to locate loved ones and instead turning up dead bodies. Does anyone know the Farsi word for “telegenic”?
Earlier this weekend, however (when not watching the “People on CNN” coverage of Nicole Kidman’s resilience in the face of divorce), I may have seen a snippet or two regarding “thousands dead in Iranian quake” and then some closing commentary about President Bush’s willingness to send humanitarian aid-despite that nation’s being on “the axis of evil,” as the commentators consistently reminded viewers when fleetingly discussing the massive amounts of deaths.
I guess I missed the correlation there. It couldn’t possibly be as base and simplistic a matter as “we Americans are helping those whom we have unilaterally declared to be our enemies,” right? And it most certainly couldn’t have been some second-tier implication of “they deserved it”?
We all ought to be thankful that this was an act of God and not the work of evil-doers, and that Iran isn’t under the sway of any sort of Christian sense of vengeance, lest we should see Ayatollah Ali Khamenei and the democratically elected, though effectively useless, President Mohammad Khatami declare an endless “War on Seismology“.
Look out, faultlines.

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Finally, a state emergency befitting a former action star

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via Reuters: California Town Digs Out After Powerful Quake
“Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger declared a state of emergency on Tuesday for the central California county hardest hit by the state’s strongest earthquake in four years, freeing up disaster aid for education healthcare reconstruction.”
(Some liberties may have been taken with Reuters’ original wording above.)

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Bentsen; Hollings; Tsongas; Dean

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Not since Homer Simpson showed off his Starland Vocal Band tattoo have I seen such impetuous inking as this Howard Dean tattoo. C’mon, man: the guy doesn’t even have the nomination yet—and he may never get it—yet you’ll have that tattoo for life. Try explaining how Dean seized the anti-war in Iraq fervor and the internet to your grandkids: “What’s a Iraq?” “What’s a Internet?” they’ll ask from their robot overlords-issued hovering oxygen-chamber/multi-media jungle gym Orgone accumulators.
rockwell.jpgIt reminds me of this old Norman Rockwell image, “Tattoo Artist (Only Skin Deep)”, that depicts a sailor getting his sweetheart’s name tattooed on his bicep just below the crossed-out names of several old sweethearts.
Here are some links about tattoo removal:
How Stuff Works: Tattoo Removal
BBC Health
Patient Info

[Link via Boing Boing]