In the White House’s Roosevelt Room earlier this morning, President Bush announced Jim Nicholson, current U.S. ambassador to the Vatican, as his nominee for Secretary of Veterans Affairs. This is the ninth cabinet replacement since Bush’s re-election, and as each new cabinet member has been introduced to the media, the announcement game plan’s been identical in each instance, as the President peers studiously at his newly-nominated staff members (examined earlier in “Didn’t America Vote Against the Gaze?”).
Of course, it turns out this “game plan” has been part of a larger “master plan” carefully choreographed by Dan Bartlett and his staff…Here’s an exclusive “floor plan” slipped to low culture by a White House operative.
RELATED: White House Roosevelt Room
Category: Grave
From the AP wires: “A U.S. military helicopter lands at Baghdad’s heavily protected Green Zone at sunset Tuesday Dec 7 2004. (AP Photo/Dusan Vranic)”
From L to R, the posters for the Vietnam-themed Miss Saigon and Apocalypse Now, Redux
From the wire services, portraits of military personnel and their civilian bosses, taken Tuesday, December 7, 2004:
Categories
Why Do We Have to Choose?
“For years now, liberals and leftists have been unable to decide whether they dislike George W. Bush because they think he’s a doofus or because they think he’s evil…”
– DUBYA: A RUTHLESS, ELEGANT PRESIDENT, John “Norman’s Son” Podhoretz, The New York Post, Dec. 7, 2004.
Categories
Black children love us!
ANSWER: Insurgent, as evidenced by his being situated near graffiti, which is illegal!
ANSWER: Policemen, as evidenced by their being surrounded by toys, which are jolly!
EARLIER: Super Fun “Military-Incursion Home Destruction” Quiz: Iraq or Palestine?
Secretary of Homeland Security nominee Bernard Kerik and President George W. Bush? They’re real fucking patriots, you know?
RELATED: “America, Fuck Yeah”, from the Team America: World Police Soundtrack, with lyrics by Trey Parker
Bon voyage! US Trade Representative Robert Zoellick, above, can be seen craning his neck to make out the muffled cries of “Help, help!” coming forth from the global marketplace. (Deficits, trade gaps, and subsidies may be awesome party favors, but no one wants their event dampened by a bunch of ne’er-do-well whiners in the back room, right?)
This week, Zoellick sets out to embark on a luxurious five-nation tour of Africa, in which he’ll visit Senegal, Benin, Mali, Namibia and Lesotho. In case you’re wondering, not one of these nations has been adversely affected by American trading stances or WTO antics. This is because the U.S. economy is ragingly successful right this moment, and we’re spreading that good cheer like it’s fucking democracy or something.
See you in Najaf, motherfuckers! It’s flat-tax time!
RELATED (well, in that it involves ‘money’, which, apparently, makes the world go round): Dollar Clobbered By Euro Again, Dec. 6, 2004 (CBS/AP)
Categories
Catch That Masked Man
“For the life of me… I cannot understand why the terrorists have not attacked our food supply because it is so easy to do.”
-Tommy Thompson
(U.S. Health Chief, Stepping Down, Issues Warning, by Robert Pear, The New York Times, Dec. 4, 2004.)
Killing Americans through the food supply? Dude, that’s their fucking job. Yet another American industry, outsourced, I guess.
Related: Fire up your shitty “Bush ♥s Huckabee jokes now, suckers.