Mr. Incredible in Fallujah: “Must… save… defenseless… kittens.”
“Paramount’s “Alfie,” a remake of a romantic comedy about a roguish womanizer starring Jude Law, opened to a dismal $6.5 million in more than 2,000 theaters, far below expectations… Wayne Llewellyn, the president of distribution at Paramount, said that the conservative ethos reflected in last week’s election results might have hurt the film.
“‘It could be the mood of the country right now,’ he said. ‘It seems to be the result of the election. Maybe they didn’t want to see a guy that slept around.'”
Disney and Pixar Score Again as ‘The Incredibles’ Opens Big, Sharon Waxman, The New York Times, Nov. 8, 2004.
Related: Weekend box office report
Author: matt
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God Is My Second Unit A.D.
Amazing Grace: Mel Gibson sees the light at the Catholics in Media Associates Awards Ceremony, Nov. 7, 2004
Election Night at MCCXXIII: Women are from red states, men are from blue.
Which might explain what’s happening next to the TV on the left.
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Digital Divide, 2004
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Got to Admit, It’s Getting Better
“They are cheap, easily concealed, small enough to hoist on a shoulder and can shoot a passenger jet out of the sky. And now, it appears, terrorists may have access to another 4,000 of them…”
More missiles for terrorists?, USA Today, Nov. 7, 2004
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Atlas Shrugged
We’re all tired. You earned your week off, Frank.
The O.C. is back! Dude, The O.C. is totally, totally back!
And not a minute too soon. Nothing makes me forget the difficulties of being an adult than watching a bunch of attractive actors play out fantasy scenarios of the awesome teen years I never had. After a long day of commuting to work, being belittled and humiliated by employers, forced into small talk with ignorant coworkers, trips to the ATM to see you have less money than yesterday, skimming magazines and seeing images of a good life you will never be able to attain, and commuting home to your tiny, over-priced hovel for another night with the partner you’ve settled on, nothing speaks to you like The O.C., baby!
Guys, isn’t it so awesome that you can ogle the chicks on the show even though they’re underage? It’s like an hour-long suspension of all known statutory rape laws. They’re so much younger than your wife or girlfriend, and it’s a lot safer than talking to girls in AOL chat-rooms or flirting with your daughter’s friends. And you can totally masturbate to it if you watch it in your den with the door closed.
And ladies, isn’t it so great that you get to be in love with that nerd character, even though when you were in high school, you would’ve wanted nothing to do with him and probably spent the majority of your day making his life a living hell? But compared to your insensitive, foul-smelling, hairy-backed manchild of a husband or boyfriend, the so-called man who makes love to you with the repetitive, passionless finesse of a Punch Press, that O.C. geek is like prince charming. You even cut his photo out of Entertainment Weekly. You are too cute!
God, when did your life start to suck so bad that the completely fictional lives of imaginary rich kids become the ultimate escape? If you think about, you almost want to cry. You almost want to shoot yourself with a diamond bullet that would tear you apart, shattering the numbing boredom of your life, the endless trips to the gas station, the loading and unloading of the washing machine, the mortgage payments, the judgmental glares of all those people who think they’re better than you even though you try your best to be a good person, the microwaved leftovers that are still cold in the middle, that feeling you have after three beers on a Sunday, sitting on the couch not quite drunk but dimly aware that this is it, this is all there is to your life. And you’re, what, 32? Jesus.
Yay! The O.C.! Yay!!!
Okay, that was a complete failure. I’ve never even seen The O.C.. I’m sure it’s pretty good.
The O.C. airs 8PM EST, on FOX.
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Welcome Back
Four More Years: Powell, Cheney, Bush, Rice, Card, Tenet (resigned), and Rumsfeld
I can’t believe we almost lost you guys. It would’ve been a shame for you all to creep back into the primordial military-industrial ooze from which you came, but luckily for America—and the world!—you kept the band together and the hits will just keep on coming. (POP STAR. That’s rich. Why not THE BOSS?)
Here’s to another fun-filled term. We promise to keep doing our best if you promise to keep doing your worst.
P.S.: Ladies, have your abortions now. Even if you’re not pregnant, have a few while you still can.
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We’re Back (Like It Matters)
Hi. Hey, how are you? You look really good. Are you working out? Or, wait, it’s your hair. It looks great! How did we not notice your haircut? It’s so, so great.
Us? We’re alright. I mean, we’re okay. Actually, we’re not so good. You won’t believe the week we had. First, our site went down. I know, it’s nuts! Right before the election! Some software crap. Or server crap. Or some combination thereof. Messy stuff. Stressful, too.
We’re fine now, I think. I mean, we’re still coughing up chunks of phlegm the size of walnuts, but we’re gonna go back to work and stuff. We’ll survive.
Luckily, not much happened in our absence. Oh, that election thing? That’s nothing. We’re not even thinking about it. These new meds our doctor gave us create a cool, calm feeling inside us that makes this election look like… Well, it looks like everything else right now: sort of hazy, flowing like blue-tinted liquid glass that encircles our awareness of reality and encloses the burning rage and despair we feel deep down in the part of us that’s still alive. It’s awesome: you gotta get some medication, you won’t be sorry.
And we got our hair cut, too! Do we look good? Well, we’ll be back to posting shortly, in between cutting ourselves and lighting fires behind our house. It’s good to see you. We really love your hair.
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