OC-centric Shallow

Obligatory Pop Culture Entry To Prove We Haven’t Become Humorless Prigs

001OC.jpgThe O.C. is back! Dude, The O.C. is totally, totally back!
And not a minute too soon. Nothing makes me forget the difficulties of being an adult than watching a bunch of attractive actors play out fantasy scenarios of the awesome teen years I never had. After a long day of commuting to work, being belittled and humiliated by employers, forced into small talk with ignorant coworkers, trips to the ATM to see you have less money than yesterday, skimming magazines and seeing images of a good life you will never be able to attain, and commuting home to your tiny, over-priced hovel for another night with the partner you’ve settled on, nothing speaks to you like The O.C., baby!
Guys, isn’t it so awesome that you can ogle the chicks on the show even though they’re underage? It’s like an hour-long suspension of all known statutory rape laws. They’re so much younger than your wife or girlfriend, and it’s a lot safer than talking to girls in AOL chat-rooms or flirting with your daughter’s friends. And you can totally masturbate to it if you watch it in your den with the door closed.
And ladies, isn’t it so great that you get to be in love with that nerd character, even though when you were in high school, you would’ve wanted nothing to do with him and probably spent the majority of your day making his life a living hell? But compared to your insensitive, foul-smelling, hairy-backed manchild of a husband or boyfriend, the so-called man who makes love to you with the repetitive, passionless finesse of a Punch Press, that O.C. geek is like prince charming. You even cut his photo out of Entertainment Weekly. You are too cute!
God, when did your life start to suck so bad that the completely fictional lives of imaginary rich kids become the ultimate escape? If you think about, you almost want to cry. You almost want to shoot yourself with a diamond bullet that would tear you apart, shattering the numbing boredom of your life, the endless trips to the gas station, the loading and unloading of the washing machine, the mortgage payments, the judgmental glares of all those people who think they’re better than you even though you try your best to be a good person, the microwaved leftovers that are still cold in the middle, that feeling you have after three beers on a Sunday, sitting on the couch not quite drunk but dimly aware that this is it, this is all there is to your life. And you’re, what, 32? Jesus.
Yay! The O.C.! Yay!!!
Okay, that was a complete failure. I’ve never even seen The O.C.. I’m sure it’s pretty good.
The O.C. airs 8PM EST, on FOX.

7 replies on “Obligatory Pop Culture Entry To Prove We Haven’t Become Humorless Prigs”

Thank you. Thank you so much for summing up my feelings for this show. I haven’t been able to pin-point exactly why my heart starts palpitating with joy when I think of the new season premiere tonight. And god bless this site. I now know how I will get through the next 4 or so years, having cancelled all subscriptions to alternate news sites, de-programmed tivo so it wont tape any political talk shows, and turning up my music anytime any one at work mentions “11/2”.
God bless you, and God bless The O.C. – where every night there is a party and a fist-fight, and where I live inside my mind..

The OC is way too popular. I only saw the first episode – the greatest part is when the main character (Benjamin? Do I actually remember his name correctly? What is WRONG with me?) is being bullied by the rich OC residents and one of them yells at him, “You’re in the OC now, BITCH!”

Benjamin has only taped about fifteen hours of dialogue, in front of a blue screen, for what Fox predicts will be a seven-season run. If you watch closely, his facial expressions are short clips pulled from a library. The four most common non-verbal expressions are:
Look left, mouth open.
Look right, mouth open.
Avert eyes, mouth open.
Raise eyebrows, stiff upper lip.
Avert eyes, stiff upper lip.
Additional footage has been shot with Benjamin on a soundstage from the location of his movie with Lindsey Lohan and Michael Caine. They built up a tasteful kitchen set complete with granite countertops and central island, and shot some additional angst.

OOOOOH, I love it when people come at me with the big scary wary “You’re in the OC now, BITCH!”
other variations that hold as much water:
“You’re in Easthampton now, BITCH!”
“You’re in Poughkeepsie now, BITCH!”
“You’re on Hilton Head Island now, BITCH!”
What. Ever.
Excellent piece. I’m sharing it with everyone in my particular politically designated color area.

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