No Disassemble! No Disassemble! (Or, How to Save Money on Caskets)

The Few, The Proud: Johnny 5 alive and in action.
“The American military is working on a new generation of soldiers, far different from the army it has.
“‘They don’t get hungry,’ said Gordon Johnson of the Joint Forces Command at the Pentagon. ‘They’re not afraid. They don’t forget their orders. They don’t care if the guy next to them has just been shot. Will they do a better job than humans? Yes.’
“The robot soldier is coming.”
A New Model Army Soldier Rolls Closer to Battle, by Tim Weiner, The New York Times, Feb. 16, 2005.


Toying with Nuclear Annihilation, or, The Ultimate DVD Release Cross-Promotion

donniedarko_dvd.jpgFalling Fuel Tank May Have Caused Iran Blast – TV, Reuters:

A fuel tank falling from an Iranian plane could have caused an explosion in Iran’s Bushehr province, where the country is building a nuclear power plant, Iran state television said on Wednesday.
“A local source said the explosion could have been the result of the falling of an empty fuel tank from an Iranian plane,” Al-Alam said.

New ‘Darko’ Sheds Some Light, the Washington Post:

After a jet engine falls through the roof and into Donnie’s bedroom, things really get weird.

IN NO WAY RELATED: Iran, Syria Team Up to Confront Threats, Associated Press

Iran and Syria, who both are facing pressure from the United States, said Wednesday they will form a united front to confront possible threats against them, state-run television reported.

(With thanks to Dave.)

Grave Unintentionally Hilarious

Unintentionally Hilarious Photo of the Moment, Vol. 46



Unflattering wire service photos that cause us to think maybe these reporters should be locked up, after all

Time magazine correspondent Matthew Cooper, left, and New York Times reporter Judith Miller, right


Nation-Building: So Much Cheaper than War

The Associated Press has reported that, quite succinctly, “Bush Wants $82B More for Iraq, Afghan Costs”. That’s a pretty snappy headline, and more or less cuts to the quick on the president’s supplemental budget request that was submitted to Congress yesterday. Because, realistically, when $75 billion of that request is slated to go to the Defense Department, it’s reasonable to summarize the funds as going to cover the costs of our continued War on Terror™. Oh, and also the War in Iraq (nb: if, at this point in time, they are in fact now one and the same, please excuse our ignorance).
Regardless, after deducting the Defense Department’s war costs, that still leaves the administration with a fairly large $7 billion worth of funds to disperse. And how! Let’s take a look at some of the various line item expenses:

– $2.242 billion to counter drugs, pay for security, and support democracy and reconstruction in Afghanistan.
– $60 million for Ukraine, which recently elected Viktor Yushchenko president.
– $660 million for construction of a U.S. embassy in Baghdad.

The lesson? Promoting American-style democracy costs a shitload. It’s almost as though there’s a correlation between our mania for capitalism and our mania for freedom and liberty. Thankfully, I can still buy heroin for cheap, however. Hamid, you’re a grand ol’ motherfucker! Love you!

– $400 million to reward nations that have taken political and economic risks to join the U.S.-led coalitions in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Uh-oh. That whole “coalition of the willing” thing from way back when? At least we know we never bribed them, right? Or had to shell out millions of dollars so we could play host to 32 Macedonian mess-hall workers on our bases in Iraq?

– $950 million to help areas affected by the recent tsunami in the Indian Ocean.

In other words, that “$15 million in tsunami relief” figure that was quoted so long ago was, well, incorrect. It should never have been reported. $950 million. That’s what we meant all along.
Finally, there’s this:

– $200 million in education and border security aid for the Palestinians.

Fuck, we’re so glad Yasser Arafat’s dead!


“What do you mean I’m contractually obligated to wear that thing?”

Access Hollywood “reporter” Nancy O’Dell sports Wendy Pepper’s winning abomination from Project Runway
“But Nancy, saffron is so hot right now.”


Building a Better Soundtrack (Or, What, No “Sister Christian”?)

It should be noted that the Inside Deep Throat soundtrack is killer, laced with pounding hits from the ’70s. – A Little Variety, Inside Deep Throat Blog, Feb. 4, 2005
Building a motion picture soundtrack from the component parts of other popular motion picture soundtracks is a great way to reward your audience for their previously exhibited good taste. Besides, the deeply rooted associations the audience has with the other film (whether it’s the giddy rush of the adult film business in the 70’s or the gritty thrill of crime addled Times Square) will act as a Pavlovian trigger, placing your film in a richer, more satisfying cultural context.
Here’s how to do it the Inside Deep Throat Way:
“Spill the Wine,” by War
“Brand New Key,” by Melanie
(from Boogie Nights)
“Jungle Boogie,” by Kool & the Gang
(from Pulp Fiction)
“Superfly,” by Curtis Mayfield
(from Superfly)
“Love Is Strange,” by Mickey & Sylvia
(from Dirty Dancing)
“Draggin’ the Line,” by Tommy James & The Shondells
(from Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me)
The Inside Deep Throat Soundtrack will, no doubt, be available in stores soon.


What? They’re Different People!?! (And Those Are Different Magazines!?!)

Separated at the Kleenex Box: Brooke Burns, Maxim, Feb. 2005… Brooke Burke, Stuff, March 2005


Did We Say “No” Child Left Behind? That Was Just, Like, Branding… Or Something

New U.S. Secretary Showing Flexibility on ‘No Child’ Act, by Sam Dillon, The New York Times, Feb. 14, 2005.


All Things Considered, It’s Not the Worst KISS Tie-In Ever

Stick It Up: Former KISS billboard-turned-roof (via The New York Times)
That would be The KISS Kasket.