Categories
Grave

At least the media’s finally admitting that there’s a “Pravda”-like element going on with this whole Iraq thing

As today’s Washington Post covers American troops’ latest movements into the war-ravaged region surrounding Baghdad, there seems to be a new element of self-doubt and, dare we say it, anti-patriotism creeping into the paper’s coverage of the war in Iraq. In other words, that unique sort of “what the fuck is happening here?” angle that we thought only Michael Wolff wasn’t afraid to touch! To wit, take notice of the following bit which appears at the outset of “Offensive Launched South of Baghdad”, focusing on the second and third paragraphs of the news item by Anthony Shadid:

BAGHDAD, Nov. 23 — More than 5,000 U.S., British and Iraqi troops launched an offensive Tuesday against a swath of territory south of Baghdad where armed insurgents have roamed through the streets, imposed stringent Islamic law and carried out kidnappings and summary executions at checkpoints along the main roads.
The campaign began with a series of raids this morning in Jabala, a town east of the most restive region, which Iraqis have dubbed the “Triangle of Death.” The U.S. military said in a statement that it had detained 32 men believed to be insurgents. In the past three weeks, it said, U.S. and Iraqi forces have arrested nearly 250 insurgents.
The military statements were impossible to confirm independently. The territory, inhabited by a mix of Sunni and Shiite Muslims, has become too dangerous for foreign reporters to visit.

Also impossible to confirm was Post executive editor Leonard Downie‘s newfound sense of doubt in administration propaganda. Because, as we all know, in March 2003 it was far too dangerous for American news reporters to congregate around independent booksellers and alternate news outlets while engaging in research on reasons as to why the invasion of Iraq may have been a bad idea at the outset…
I mean, responsible journalism? What the fuck is that?

Categories
Shallow

Shaggy Dog Joke

001bachelder.jpgI’ll admit right upfront that I have not read all of Chris Bachelder‘s Lessons in Virtual Tour Photography (since it’s 161 pages long and my brain has atrophied to the point where I can only ingest 150-word blog entries, soundbites on VH1 clip shows, and charts in Entertainment Weekly), but from what I’ve seen, it’s some weird, funny shit.
Download the .pdf version from McSweeneys.net and you’ll get some great advice like this (from Lesson 5 “How to Have Sex With The Estranged Girlfriend”):

1. Do not, under any circumstances, expect or hope to have sex with The Estranged Girlfriend. You can’t just roll into town without warning in the middle of a weeknight and expect to entwine as in the days of yore. You’re unbelievable. You’re just so fucking unbelievable.
2. Go to the bathroom. Wash your face. Stare at yourself in the mirror. Immediately, and without intent, start thinking about the act of staring at yourself in the mirror. A self-consciousness about staring at yourself. Get so weary.
3. Open the mirror cabinet and look for her pills. Assuage your guilt by imagining the very tight camera shot. There’s no music here, just the soft sounds you make as you explore the contents of the cabinet. You’re not alone and this is not a real transgression. It just looks real. Your job, as an actor, is to make it look convincingly real…

Related: Bear v. Shark: The Novel, also by Chris Bachelder.

Categories
Grave Satirical

“Welcome to Colombia, May I Take Your Order?”

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“I’m Lovin’ It”: President Bush meets the future outsourced workers for the only jobs left when he leaves office.

Categories
Grave

Sybil War

001sybil.jpg“After enduring a brutally fought election campaign, Americans are optimistic about the next four years under President Bush, but have reservations about central elements of the second-term agenda he presented in defeating Senator John Kerry, according to the latest New York Times/CBS News Poll.”
Americans Show Clear Concerns on Bush Agenda, by Adam Nagourney and Janet Elder, The New York Times, Nov. 23, 2004.
“President Bush is heading into his second term, with his job approval rising to 55 percent, a new poll shows.
“Bush’s post-election bounce and growing public support come at a time when 72 percent of Americans say the country is deeply divided, according to the nationwide Gallup/CNN/USA Today poll.”
W. SOARS IN POST-VOTE POLL, Deborah Orin, The New York Post, Nov. 23, 2004.
And they say there’s no consensus in this country.

Categories
Shallow

It’s Like Capote’s Black and White Ball, Only for Losers

001capote.jpgParties don’t get more glamorous than this:
Henry Kissinger
Brian “Kato” Kaelin
Geraldo Rivera
Tina Louise
Don King
Donald Trump (Senior and Junior)
Mickey Sherman

and,
“a variety of celebrities of all ilk and importance including Stephen Baldwin, Jaid Barrymore, astronaut Buzz Aldrin and singer Michael Bolton.”
And, of course, Roger Friedman.
What, Sylvia Miles had something else that night?

Categories
Grave

Yeah, But You Still Have to Deal with Your Student Loans and Credit Card Payments

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Life and Debt (Less of Both, Actually): Finally, they’ll be able to own a home.
“The world’s leading industrial nations agreed Sunday to cancel 80 percent of the nearly $39 billion debt owed them by Iraq, a critical step in rebuilding the country’s devastated economy and an important precedent for its other creditors to follow.”
Major Creditors in Accord to Waive 80% of Iraq Debt, by Craig S. Smith, The New York Times, Oct. 22, 2004.
Related: Life and Debt, which is a fantastic film.

Categories
Shallow

A World Gone Mad

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Is Beyoncé technically even allowed to appear off-center in photos? Suddenly, nothing makes sense to me anymore.

Categories
Shallow

I Am Trying to Ape Your Art

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The Wilco Book, October 2004… Brief Interviews with Hideous Men, April 2000
Okay, so I should’ve written about this when the book came out a month ago. I would’ve, but we were busy trying to avert an electoral disaster. (Lotta good that did. I’m filing that experience along with college and my last two jobs under ‘H’ for ‘Heartbreaking Failures.’)
So, let’s chalk this up to the science of Amazon recommendations: If you listen to Yankee Hotel Foxtrot on your iPod, you might like carrying around Infinite Jest. (And, yes, you might be the coolest fucking person ever. At least in your own mind, man.)

Categories
Shallow

What’s the Worst That Could Happen?

001flies.jpg“NBC’s Saturday morning block is getting a new series that plays like a kiddie version of the ABC primetime hit Lost. Discovery Kids on NBC has given the go-ahead to 13 episodes of 29 Down, which chronicles the adventures of a group of kids whose airplane crashes on a deserted island. Shooting in Hawaii, Down will join NBC’s Saturday morning lineup—programmed by Discovery Networks—next year.”
Hotline: Latest Hollywood creative coincidence, Boston Herald, Nov. 18, 2004.
[via TVTattle]

Categories
Grave

Pricks


Many Who Voted for ‘Values’ Still Like Their Television Sin
, by Bill Carter, The New York Times, Nov. 22, 2004