Shaggy Dog Joke

001bachelder.jpgI’ll admit right upfront that I have not read all of Chris Bachelder‘s Lessons in Virtual Tour Photography (since it’s 161 pages long and my brain has atrophied to the point where I can only ingest 150-word blog entries, soundbites on VH1 clip shows, and charts in Entertainment Weekly), but from what I’ve seen, it’s some weird, funny shit.
Download the .pdf version from and you’ll get some great advice like this (from Lesson 5 “How to Have Sex With The Estranged Girlfriend”):

1. Do not, under any circumstances, expect or hope to have sex with The Estranged Girlfriend. You can’t just roll into town without warning in the middle of a weeknight and expect to entwine as in the days of yore. You’re unbelievable. You’re just so fucking unbelievable.
2. Go to the bathroom. Wash your face. Stare at yourself in the mirror. Immediately, and without intent, start thinking about the act of staring at yourself in the mirror. A self-consciousness about staring at yourself. Get so weary.
3. Open the mirror cabinet and look for her pills. Assuage your guilt by imagining the very tight camera shot. There’s no music here, just the soft sounds you make as you explore the contents of the cabinet. You’re not alone and this is not a real transgression. It just looks real. Your job, as an actor, is to make it look convincingly real…

Related: Bear v. Shark: The Novel, also by Chris Bachelder.