Categories
Grave

Debate 2004: Gay, gay, gay, gay, gaygaygaygay

kerry_pointing_debate.jpgFrom last night’s third and final debate in Tempe, Arizona, between Democratic Sen. John Kerry and Republican President George W. Bush, a line uttered by Kerry in response to a question by moderator Bob Schieffer of CBS News about whether homosexuality is a “choice,” or genetically ingrained, or something that one ill-advisedly buys in the check-out line at Target:

“We’re all God’s children, Bob. And I think if you were to talk to Dick Cheney’s daughter, who is a lesbian, she would tell you that she’s being who she was, she’s being who she was born as.”

EARLIER: V.P. Candidate John Edwards on the gaygaygay issue
EVEN EARLIER: President George W. Bush on the gaygaygay issue.
Hopefully, the reminder that a cruel and offensively dehumanizing constitutional amendment is at stake puts all this in perspective for Democratic partisans who may have grimaced in awkward discomfort at last night’s utterances by John Kerry, as sampled above.

Categories
Shallow

Why… Is Michelle Malkin the New Jadakiss?

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Malkin and Kiss… Why?
The many questions of Michelle Malkin:
How… many hate crime anecdotes does it take before the mainstream media spot a trend?
But what… happens when the targets are the wrong kind of victim?
What… happens when conservatives and Republicans are on the receiving end of discriminatory threats or harassment or worse?
Hello…, reporters?
Is… anybody home?
Is… it my imagination or do I hear pins dropping in the grievance corners of America’s otherwise victim-friendly newsrooms?
Can… I get a hair appointment and pedicure before appearing on Scarborough Country on Friday?
Will… The pedicurist be an immigrant?
Should… I cancel it if she is?
Why… is my Amazon rank so low?

Categories
Satirical Shallow

Holy Shit, We Need to Get Ourselves One of These Blog Things

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The Internets are on fire today, man. As they say in Latin, ¡en fuego, hombre!
First comes this excellent article from a newspaper called The New York Sun that not only tells us about blogs, but finally—finally!—explains that “jumping the shark” phrase our 15 year-old cousin always uses. (It has something to do with Happy Days.) There’s also an excellent little primer about a show called Oz, which we’re definitely gonna watch this week.
The article, by a writer named Eric Wolff (remember that name!), is all about a website called Gawker, which we plan to check out after we have our morning coffee! It also answers the age old question: Who gives the best soundbites, Condé Nast editorial assistants, or ‘cyber-hostesses‘? (It’s a draw! They both bring the noise and the bite!)
Then there’s this Tom Scocca piece from The New York Observer about a guy who runs a site called The Minor Fall, The Major Lift (definitely gotta check his stuff out) who was once annonymous but is now going by his real name, Alex Balk! Plus, he’s now writing for The New York Times! Like other bloggers! (Memo to self: Pick up the Times this weekend on the way to brunch!)
What’s exciting about this (and warrants all these exclamation points!!!) is that we can now see that far from being an annonymous wag, this Balk fellow was actually hiding in plain site all along, submitting to a website called McSweeneys and playing along on the Slate News Quiz with Emmy-winning TV writers and producers! Next Major Lift, Hollywood!?!
Phew! This entry has fairly knocked us out (we topped off our exclamation point quota in the second paragraph!), and now we’re off to go figure out how to get one of these blogs set up. Our 15 year-old cousin is great with computers, and we think the “domain” JackieHarvey.com is still available!
As they say in Latin, Excelsior!

Categories
Shallow

Rooting for the Overdog

mussina.jpgAs gratifying as it is to win these games, they have become so excessively fraught that to watch them is emotionally taxing in the extreme. I thought I’d be able to relax and get some work done when the Yankees opened up an eight run lead, but the Red Sox regrouped, metastasized, and emerged with a deadlier-than-ever assault. Clearly, they pose a threat that requires constant vigilance. Some day, they will win — perhaps tomorrow. It’s not a question of if, but when.

It may be unpopular and controversial to put it this way, but I think we have to get back to the place we were, where the Red Sox are not the focus of our lives, but they’re a nuisance. We’re never going to end this rivalry. But we’ve got to reduce it to a level where it isn’t on the rise. It isn’t threatening people’s lives every day, and it’s not threatening the fabric of your life.

Categories
Grave

Cherish the Memories: Iraqi Yearbook Photos (8×10 blowups available via Jostens)

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(both images via AP Photo/Anja Niedringhaus)

Categories
Grave

“Fine, Daddy, I’ll Talk to the Goddamn Kiwanis Club for you… Oh my god, are those Buffalo Wings Free!?!”

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Categories
Shallow

We’re Hiring

Please send all resumes in MS Word format.

Categories
Shallow

Confessions of a Teenage Deconstructionist

Ceci est une PipeWe all have our youthful indiscretions, those young and irresponsible things that we did when we were young and irresponsible. Senator Robert Byrd, for example, was in the Klan, while George W. Bush was a cheerleader at Andover, and, most seriously of course, John Kerry was a war hero.
My own modest indiscretion is that I Was A Teenage Derridian. Yes, as a literature major in the early 90’s, I was inundated with the “critical theory” associated with various continentals from Adorno to Deleuze to Foucault and most of all, Jacques Derrida. And let me make it clear that I was not merely the victim of all this theory; in fact, I eagerly sought it out. Indeed, some witnesses even report that I had Derrida’s famous statement “il n’ya pas de hors-text” [“there is nothing outside the text”] stencilled upon my cap at graduation.
[Long, boring article follows below the break.]

Categories
Grave

Tomorrow’s Corrections Today, vol. 5

Slated to appear on the New York Times’ Corrections page, October 12, 2004:

Because of an editing error, an article in yesterday’s International News section by Terence Neilan about the release of Yaser E. Hamdi, an American citizen who had been held in U.S. prisons for three years without having charges filed against him (until a Supreme Court ruling in June found the detention to be unlawful), “U.S. Returns Detainee to Saudi Arabia After 3 Years“, was both erroneously titled and published too early. The corrected article was slated to run in late January 2005, and should have been titled “U.S. Returns President to Texas After 4 Years”. The Times regrets the error.

Categories
Grave

Campaign 2004: David Cobb for President (Only kidding. Sort of.)

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We loves us some nuance when it comes to saying whether or not invading Iraq was a good idea. Or maybe just endorsing the resolution approving the matter. Or whatever. We hate nuance.
George W. Bush, October 9, 2004:

“Knowing what I know today, I would have made the same decision. The world is safer with Saddam in a prison cell.”

Dick Cheney, October 7, 2004:

Vice President Dick Cheney asserted in Miami Thursday that the report justifies rather than invalidates Bush’s decision to go to war. It shows that “delay, defer, wasn’t an option,” Cheney told a town-hall style meeting.

John Kerry, August, 2004:

Asked by a reporter, he said he would have voted for the resolution – even in the absence of evidence of weapons of mass destruction – before adding his usual explanation that he would have subsequently handled everything leading up to the war differently.

John Edwards, October 8, 2004:

Democratic vice presidential candidate John Edwards said last week’s Central Intelligence Agency report confirming the absence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq hasn’t convinced him it was a mistake to authorize President George W. Bush to take military action.
“The vote on the resolution was the right vote, even in hindsight,” Edwards, a first-term U.S. senator from North Carolina, said in an interview aboard his campaign plane on Oct. 8. “It was the right vote to give the president the authority to confront Saddam Hussein,” he said. “That’s what would have given the president the power that would have allowed the weapons inspectors back into Iraq.”

RELATED: Cobb/LaMarche 2004, “Vote Green for Peace”