John Kerry: Yep, you guessed it: he was “Born in the USA.”
With John Kerry emerging from as the Democratic frontrunner, it’s time to turn our attention to an important aspect of his campaign. Since we live in a country where a washed-up pop star’s almost entirely obscured nipple being exposed by a soon-to-be washed-up pop star dominates the news cycle more than, say, the death of 20 year-old 3rd Squadron soldier on the same day in Haditha, Iraq (that’s 527 Americans, if you’re still keeping count), perhaps this is the most important aspect of the campaign.
John Kerry’s campaign song.
The Clinton/Gore boomer-juggernaut did very well with Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop”, using the ambiguously inspirational lyrics “Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow/ Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here,/ It’ll be, better than before/ Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone” to good effect.
On the flipside, Al Gore went bust in 2000 with Paul Simon’s “You Can Call Me Al”, which makes some sense since that song’s grumpy, middle aged tone is off-putting in the extreme. Who’d vote for someone who sings (metaphorically speaking):
“A man walks down the street
He says why am I soft in the middle now
Why am I soft in the middle
The rest of my life is so hard
[…]
Mr. Beerbelly Beerbelly
Get these mutts away from me
You know I don’t find this stuff amusing anymore”
Neither did the voters, apparently.
Ross Perot failed when he ironically appropriated Patsy Cline’s “Crazy”, which just goes to prove that a good song is a candidate’s key to victory. Here are some suggestions with notes and clarifications.
