Categories
Grave

Think of it as another employee discount

GM.jpg

General Motors said Tuesday that it would cut about 25,000 jobs from its blue-collar work force in the United States by the end of 2008, in a broad move to reckon with its declining grip on the American car market.
The cuts, which represent about 22 percent of the hourly work force, would bring G.M.’s nationwide employment to 86,000 hourly workers, roughly the number it employed in the city of Flint, Mich., in the 1970’s.
G.M. Will Reduce Hourly Workers in U.S. by 25,000, by Danny Hakim, The New York Times, June 8, 2005.

Related: GM Employee Discount for Everyone Event

Categories
Shallow

With Apologies to the editors of Details (And Gays. And Fast food eaters. And Anyone who thinks comedy should be funny.)

ronald_small.jpg
Click for larger version.

Traditionally famous for his red hair and yellow jump suit, Ronald will be seen juggling fruit and snowboarding in a TV advert to be screened on Friday.
The leaner, more health-conscious Ronald will encourage children to get up and join him playing sports.
Ronald McDonald turns health guru, BBC, June 8, 2005.

Hackier: The George W. Bush Book Club (All Hack Edition)

Categories
Shallow

Life lessons, as overheard by those with friends who have blackberries or SMS-enabled phones

“Wow, Anne Bancroft is dead.”
“Oh my God, I just got a text saying Britney got married.”
“Holy shit, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston are filing for divorce.”
“Trey from the OC is on 1st Ave!”
“The Killers show is awesome.”
“Fuck, I forgot to tivo SNL.”

Categories
Shallow

The Voices! Those Blasted Voices! I Can’t Stop The Voices In My Heeeeeaaaaad!

pyscho_analysis.jpg“‘I have this little game I play in my head when someone gets an appointment,’ said Chris Matthews, the host of MSNBC’s ‘Hardball.’ ‘And I say, “Now, how did that happen?” And then someone will say, “Well, they went to school together,” or “They live next door to each other,” or “Their wives are friends.” And you go, “Oh, yeah,” and it clicks.’ On the other hand, he said, ‘serendipity is a big part of our lives, but it grows in direct proportion to sociability.'”
If They Gave Nobels for Networking. . ., by Elisabeth Bumiller, The New York Times, June 5, 2005.
Further Listening: Psychoanalyis: What Is It?, by Prince Paul
Related: Letters to a Young Blogger, by David Maria Brooks

Categories
Grave

Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah…

camp.jpg

A military inquiry has found that guards or interrogators at the Guantánamo Bay detention center in Cuba kicked, stepped on and splashed urine on the Koran, in some cases intentionally but in others by accident, the Pentagon said on Friday.
[…]
The investigation into allegations that the Koran had been mishandled also found that in one instance detainees’ Korans were wet because guards on the night shift had thrown water balloons on the cellblock.
Military Details Koran Incidents at Base in Cuba, by Eric Schmitt, The New York Times, June 4, 2005.

Dear Mom and Dad,
Greetings from Camp X Ray where if the food doesn’t kill ya, something else probably will! Ha ha ha. Just kidding.
I am having a lot of fun here and am meeting a lot of really, really nice people from all over the world. We do sports for one hour every day and we get to sing along to all kinds of music.
Our counselors are really crazy! One night they threw water balloons at us while we were sleeping! We all laughed a lot, but then we realized they got my Holy Koran wet and I got mad. But they apologized and promised all of us a pizza party! (Once a counselor accidentally splashed pee-pee on my bunkmate’s Holy Koran and we had an ice cream party.)
Next week we’re going to a petting zoo with real live animals! It’s gonna be great! We might also go swimming, but I am afraid I might drown. Ha ha ha.
I miss you both a lot and I hope to see you soon. Can you please send me a care package with fresh water and some Band-Aids?
Love, Your Son

Categories
Grave Unintentionally Hilarious

Unintentionally Hilarious Photo of the Moment, Vol. 54

uh_academy_bush_grad.jpg
Victoria Leigh Tacconelli, left, reacts to receiving her diploma from President Bush, right, as she walks off stage during the United States Naval Academy Graduation and Commissioning Ceremony at the Navy Marine Corps Memorial Stadium Friday, May 27, 2005 in Annapolis, Maryland. (AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

Categories
Shallow

Fantastic Fall

This summer, as we eagerly await the release of yet another crop of comic book movies from the Marvel/DC Comics pipeline, Twentieth Century Fox’s upcoming Fantastic Four is looking to be quite a rough-and-tumble tale. Well, at least the trailers make this out to be the case, featuring little more than a series of elaborate, action-packed falls from buildings on the part of the film’s heroes and villains.
After all—and most studio executives will agree with us, here—nothing is more thrilling to today’s moviegoing audience than a character’s being hurled from atop a great height, right? I ask you, can an intriguing sub-plot be thrown from a skyscraper? No. A complex, well-shaded character arc? Can that cling desperately to a window ledge suspended fifty stories above street level? No, of course not.
So, here we are, with the Fantastic Four‘s fantastic falls:
fant_four_firefighter.jpg
An unidentified firefighter, on the verge of falling (from a bridge)
fant_four_mrfant.jpg
Mr. Fantastic, also on the verge of falling, but from a building
fant_four_thething.jpg
The Thing and Doctor Doom, actually falling, also from a building
fant_four_torch.jpg
Johnny Storm/The Human Torch, also falling, also from a building
fant_four_titles.jpg
The film’s director, Tim Story: soon to throw himself from the highest building in Hollywood?

Categories
Grave

The Middle Eastern Tsunami, or, Buying new Caterpillar bulldozers to repair the damage done by your older Caterpillar bulldozers

bush_abbas_palestine.jpg
From the Associated Press: White House Hopes to Boost Palestinian With Visit and Aid, May 26, 2005:

Bush also announced that United States will direct $50 million for housing and other construction aid to the Palestinian Authority to help Palestinians in Gaza once Israelis leave this August.
[…]
The $50 million in new direct aid is part of a $150 million package that Bush is seeking for the Palestinians from Congress. He said the money would help Palestinians settle into Gaza once the Israel withdrawal set for this summer is complete.
“America wants to help,” Bush said.
Reacting to the announcement, Palestinian legislator and human rights activist Hanan Ashrawi said the $50 million was just a “modest beginning.”
“I’m sure the U.S. is capable of giving greater support not only to Gaza, but to the West Bank,” she told The Associated Press.

RELATED: US Senate approves 2005 Israel aid package – Israel will receive $2.2 billion in military aid and $480 million in civilian aid: “Each year, Israel receives the largest share of US foreign aid, which totals $17 billion in the current fiscal year. Egypt is the second largest recipient of aid, with $1.9 billion. Jordan receives $464 million, after the 0.59% deduction. In addition to the annual aid, the US has provided Israel with $9 billion in loan guarantees over three years, or $3 billion a year.”
U.S. Financial Aid To Israel: Figures, Facts, and Impact: “Total U.S. aid to Israel is approximately one-third of the American foreign-aid budget, even though Israel comprises just .001 percent of the world’s population and already has one of the world’s higher per capita incomes.”

Categories
Grave

Hydrogen, huh? This must be that energy initiative I’m half-assedly endorsing that will inevitably fail to knock my old oil cronies from their positions of power

bush_hydrogen_00.jpg
(AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

bush_hydrogen_01.jpg

(AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

Categories
OC-centric Shallow

The O.C.‘s not on tonight? I think I’ll go for a swim, then

oc_caleb.jpgThursday evening, 8 o’clock sharp. I used to spend this special time perched atop my loveseat, giddily staring at the television set and mentally preparing to absorb the wonders of West Coast suburban culture as filtered to me via the broadcast networks.
And then summer arrived, and they all abandoned me. Not the networks, I mean…they’re still there, doling out quality product week after week. No, I’ve got a very specific axe to grind. I’m talking about Peter Gallagher. Mischa Barton. Josh Schwartz. Despots of the airwaves, each and every one of them. And Schwartz? He’s their tyrannical leader.
My kids think I have a problem. My eldest son, fully-grown and fresh out of culinary school, has scolded me for what he deems an “unhealthy” interest in the goings-on of fictitious characters and/or executive producers and/or series creators. But my son, you see, never understood my focus, my diligence…
How I hate my son for his lack of compassion. How I miss presiding over real family bonding, such as the antics of Ryan Atwood and his nettlesome older brother, or Kirsten Cohen and her Jewish husband.
Sitting here at work, gazing out the window upon the parking lot below…I’m a sour, lonely, bitter old man. To hell with my initial idea of taking laps in the pool; I think I’ll sleep in my office tonight.
Actually, I’ve never seen The O.C.; I’m sure it’s pretty good.
The O.C. used to air on Thursdays at 8PM EST on FOX, but then summer started. It’s not yet noon, and my night is already ruined.
Earlier: O.C.-centric entries, wherein we celebrated our joyous embrace of “all things Newport Beach”.