Category: Shallow

From the New York Post, Page Six, April 22, 2004:

The union has set a May 2 deadline for reaching a new contract. “I came out of the meeting thinking there could be a strike,” said one writer.
The A-list participants at the closed-door powwow were David Kepp, who just got $3.5 million for penning “Zathura,” the sequel to “Jumanji”; Richard LaGravenese, whose credits include “The Fisher King” and “Bridges of Madison County”; Tom Gilroy, “The Bourne Identity”; Stephen Schiff, “Lolita”; Brian Kopelman and David Levien, the partners behind “Rounders” and “Runaway Jury”; Robert Benton, “Kramer vs. Kramer”; Nora (“Sleepless in Seattle”) Ephron and her husband Nick (“Goodfellas”) Pileggi; and James Shamus, the head of the Writers Guild East who wrote “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” and “The Hulk.”

Four typos in one sentence! Nice work, guys. In a non-union shop, the Post would have substituted “David Koepp” for their “David Kepp,” “Tony Gilroy” for their “Tom Gilroy,” “Brian Koppelman” for their “Brian Kopelman,” and “James Schamus” for their “James Shamus.”

It is clear — the time has come for the MetroSexual Anti-Defamation League. As this casting call should reveal, those simpering, moisturizing girly-boys are about to be subjected to the sadistic imaginations of reality show producers. Have we learned nothing from Playing It Straight?

Interested applicants or angry wimps can find more information here. We’re assuming the show will air on FX.

“Would you please pass the apocalypse?”
Artwork taken from the April 19, 2004 issue of the TIME 100 (“our list of the 100 most influential people in the world today”).
And sitting next to Hillary Clinton in the foreground…what the hell did Jeff Jarvis do to get invited?

If you were dating Dorff, you’d kill yourself too.
[Click on Dorff for the full video.]

In a major press conference yesterday, McDonald’s, alongside Health and Human Services Secretary Tommy Thompson, unveiled a new line of “Go Active” meals – the fast-food giant’s response to having created a nation of fatties. Not only will these adult “Happy Meals” contain bottled water, McDonald’s will also include a brochure encouraging adults to walk more. With this bold move McDonald’s has made it clear – the obesity epidemic ends here. Or as Secretary Tom Tom put it, “It’s important to recognize companies doing the right thing.”
If McDonald’s adult campaign is anywhere near as exhaustive or successful as their children’s crusade, we may be certain that “Go Active” will have absolutely no impact at all. The What’s On Your Plate program encourages kids to stay fit through a variety of techniques intended to teach them “how to maintain a balanced diet and enjoy a healthy lifestyle. By talking to kids in their language, [it] tackles important questions such as, ‘Is it ok to eat cake everyday?’ and ‘Why does mom want me to eat all different foods?'” That’s right, the important questions.
“What’s On Your Plate’s” mascot is Willie Munchright, who looks more like he should feature in an animated version of Super Size Me than any anti-obesity campaign. Pasty and pale Master Munchright has dark bags under his eyes; he also appears to be losing his hair. He’s a kind of Edward Gorey vision of the average McDonald’s consumer. But with answers like these appearing on the McDonald’s website, who could be surprised that little Willie’s HDL might be a little high?

On May 6, “Go Active” meals will be available in McDonald’s nationwide. And if these exciting steps forward really do change America’s eating habits, we can all look forward to a summer filled with even more toned hardbodies than usual.

From an interview with Alexandra Robbins, author of Pledged: The Secret Life of Sororities:

The cover of New York magazine’s April 19, 2004 issue, alongside this snippet from Yahoo! News:

Danish Crown Prince Frederik and his fiancee Mary Donaldson look at the Ron Mueck sculpture ‘Boy’ at The Aros Art Museum in Aarhus, Denmark Wednesday April 7, 2004.

Completely, totally, the worst headline ever run over a wire service, from an article by Christy Lemire, AP Entertainment Writer:
Review: ‘Kill Bill – Vol. 2’ Is Stylized
Note: Yes, writers rarely come up with their own headlines. You’re so damn insider.

See, if Mel Gibson were Jewish, he could fix that whole situation “up there” with a nice Yarmulka.
Mel’s got it covered—the box office, that is.
This past Sunday, The Passion of the Christ‘s box office benefited not only from some great timing, but nimrods like this:

“I waited until today because today is the day that Jesus rose from the dead,” said Linda Brown, 40, of The Bronx as she headed into the AMC Theatres Empire 25 in Times Square. “I thought it was appropriate to see this film instead of going to church.”

And all we can say is, Thank god! Our screening of The Whole Ten Yards was wonderfully—blessedly—empty. And with the lack of laughs, it was quiet as a church.