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A Berg type film

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Friday Night Lights
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Collateral
Witness an emerging trend in Hollywood marketing: if your film in some way involves Peter Berg (perhaps best known as the actor-turned-Very Bad Director of Very Bad Things), we can be sure that the trailer’s typographic design will feature a simple sans-serif font (in the vein of Helvetica Neue) partially obscured by blurry type in the background.
We’ll wait to see Berg’s imaginatively-titled Hip-Hop Cops in 2005 to see if the trailer adheres to the Good ‘n Berg (Style) Bible.

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It’s Raining Men!

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TIME, Aug. 9, 2004… The New York Times Magazine, Aug. 8, 2004
Update, Aug. 8, 2004:
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Parade, Aug. 8, 2004

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As ‘Wicker Park’ approaches, we present this definitive and comprehensive list of good, quality films starring Josh Hartnett

 
 

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HOT Literary Accessory: Axes

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“Hot Trouble,” Abigail Vona from Rolling StoneHatchet-Man Dale Peck

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No Way, Boss. Everyone likes you. ‘Cause you’re great!

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The chairman
Guys, you know when your girlfriend asks you if you she ‘looks fat in this’ and you have to be like, “No way! You look fantastic!” But sometimes she does kinda look fat in that and maybe a guy on the street will say something like “thick” as she passes and you have to be like, “That guy is insane! You do not look fat at all!” But you’re sort of relieved that someone else got to say it and not you? (Gals, this is probably like when your boyfriend asks about his endowment and you have to spin like Ari Fleischer at Equinox.)
Anyway, that’s what it must be like to review a film critical of your boss for the newspaper your boss owns and operates.
Poor Meghan Lehman drew the short straw and had to review Outfoxed: Rupert Murdoch’s War on Journalism for The New York Post, while her colleague Lou Lumenick got to see Code 46. (Mysteriously, Outfoxed‘s website is down! Coincidence?… Probably.)
With a headline like FAIR AND BALANCED, THIS DOC’S NOT, you can kind of guess what the critic is going to say without even reading the review. Lehman’s conclusion? “Unbalanced.” But my favorite part is this little rah-rah nut graph towards the end:

Fox News Channel consistently beats CNN and MSNBC, yet Greenwald approaches not a single viewer to probe the reasons for its popularity, nor a single current employee.

Yay! (I’ll leave it to this guy to confirm or refute that claim.)
Related, in today’s Post: BIZ LEADERS HAILED AS HARLEM HEROES “Post Publisher Lachlan Murdoch received an Excellence in Journalism Award…” As his father would say, “Excellent.”

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Prattling, ranting, and shopping: these are things women do.

Thursday. Some say it’s the new Friday, and Friday is the new Saturday, and so on and so forth, but I say Thursday is still yesterday.
Yesterday, my friends, was quite a day. From the FEMALE PERSPECTIVE, of course. You want the grit and gristle of womanhood? Here it comes:
What would give you insight? Um, how about a trip to that affordable mecca of disposable fashion, H&M? Yes! That’s right: females like to shop. And when you’re this particular female, you shop on a budget. The Swedish superstore is the solution! Retail therapy is a cheaper version of Klonopin, after all.
Unfortunately, H&M was doused in pink. Yep — pink shirts, pink pants, pink fucking socks from floor to ceiling. Suffice to say, Peptowhatever is in.
Not that I have a problem with pink.
I just don’t like looking like a precious, vomitous mess. At least not on Thursday. Instead, I bought a brown shirt. And I bought it to look “hot” for you “men” so I don’t have to “buy” my “own drinks.”
Until the pay scale is completely equal, this is how it will be. At least it’s all out on the table.

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This is not my beautiful wife

So, in some strange twist of fate, my internet “presence” has landed over here at the lovely low culture where, I suppose, I am expected to lend a female voice. Meanwhile, JP will be launching diatribes of undetermined nature over at my old and neglected site, The Blueprint.
Female voice. Interesting. Inevitably, such a directive will lead to talk of menstruation — and I’m not sure I’m ready to confess to you all that I’m two weeks late.
That being said, I’ll be here and there today but more present tomorrow, at which point I’ll have a better understanding of what it means to be a woman, thanks to some handy lessons from Matt and JP.

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Yet Another iPod Parody

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Actually, no. It’s a highly stylized riot in South Korea.
Earlier iPod parodies: Here, here, and here.

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Young Men of Respect

First off, let me start by saying that I mean no disrespect by this post. I hope that the young Gotti boys—”The Hotti Gottis,” as their website calls them—understand that this is a joke and don’t get too upset. I watched your mom’s show last night and thought it was great: like The Osbournes, but with fewer dogs and no satanic home decor. But you fellas reminded me of some brothers from another mother, and I just wanted to point it out.
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John (school V.P., honor roll)… and Joseph (Gimme A Break, Blossom
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Frank (honor roll, seventh in his class)… and Andrew (Jack Frost, Oliver Beene)
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Carmine (honor roll)… and Matthew (Mrs. Doubtfire, The Hot Chick)
Whoa! I don’t know whose wallpaper I should download, the Gottis’ or the Lawrences’.

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An Open Epistle to One Night Shyamalan: ‘Tis true, thine Village is but a mess, and rightly so

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Ah, neighbor! Fear not that I shall spoil the contents of this tale, this Village, by Mr. M. Night Shyamalan, who is of the East Indian Colony descent. To spoil this particular collection of moving images would be to sully and tarnish what may, in other circumstances, be considered the very first adult-oriented dramatic work by Mr. Night (but, wait, shall I refer to him as Mr. Night? Or Mr. Shyamalan? Do tell….where has my Manual of Victorian Protocols and Civilised Behaviors gone?).
Alas, it’s already been predestined that this work has been sullied and tarnished by prior hands…the hands, in fact, of The Village‘s very creator. For what was, during the course of its first two acts—and, dare I say, well into its third—a fairly well-tailored, though not strikingly philosophical, manifestation of an adult morality tale conveying the struggles of a responsible people moving towards the 20th century, rapidly descended into ill-suited pablum of the worst bearing. It’s the twist, you see, that did this so. The twist. A common gimmick, a device of unscrupulous origins, better served by carnival barkers and those who peddle ill-advised medicinal herbs and the like (and others of such questionable ilk and lower standing).
A truly gifted story-teller should, nay, would know when not to wield such gimmickry. I put forth these opinions not because I believe that this or any other thing was so because I thought so, but only because I did think so and I want to be quite candid about all I thought and did. These were my thoughts about The Village. I thought I often observed besides how right our story’s guide was in what he had said (and what he had drawn for us onscreen), and that the uncertainties and fears on my part, that he would behave as he had in the past, and undermine my newly-restored faith in his skills as a narrator, would cheapen this current work so…
And then, his twist. His cursed twist, brought forth unto his audience like a wanton harlot, ravaged by storytellers of lesser merits, and thrown to the pack of judicious scoundrels who perhaps feared having to sit through two hours (by my pocket watch) of well-considered ideological narrative.
I’ve imparted to his nature this bit of ill-gotten reliance on commonplace conventionality, and I thus entreat him to explain his motives. And I may render a new line of consideration, as well: Where were the Negroes amongst the townspeople of this Covington Village? Pray tell, why would this assembled gathering of families and individuals take flight from the ravages of urban life, with its concomitant looting and violence and savage rapes and murders aplenty, and not one of those hailing from this Philadelphia region of the Pennsylvanian state would not be of the peach-hued variety?
(In my many travels, I have heard the rhymes of that city’s great Roots band, and they are not of the peach-hued variety.)
Who, then, goes into the woods and hides from “hordes of destruction” but those with fear and prejudice coarsing through their hearts? Why, White Supremacists, they might be called, and rightly so! And should the dusky-hued venture into such a town, would they not find themselves dangling from trees, cheeks bulging forth like overripened fruit? Strange fruit, indeed.
I ask of you, in the absence of modern lighting, do not flaming crosses illuminate a town such as this?
Mr. Shyamalan, you have some explaining to do. I should hope to receive your rejoinder, post marked with the utmost haste, delivered upon my doorstep and stamped with your signet within the fortnight.
If not, I can only conclude one thing: not only do twists you bring about, but you be twisted yourself.