Category: Grave

…Aaaaand we’re back. Boy, folks, we’ve got another Heinz attack. Senator Kerry…assuming you’re capable of it, and I understand if you’re not, since she controls the purse strings in your family…get that woman of yours to stop shooting her reckless mouth off! It’s this sort of disrespect that she’s been purveying lately that really cheapens this race for the White House and, I’m telling you, will cause you to lose the election this fall. Regular listeners of this show will recall that it was just last week that the billionaire ketchup heiress told a prominent and respected reporter to “shove it,” totally unwarranted, I might add, and, it turns out, the woman-who-might-be-first-lady has done it again, folks.
Yesterday, at a campaign stop for her husband, Teresa lashed out at several people who had gathered to support our president. You know, a counter-measure of sorts, to combat all the attacks on Bush. These supporters were at this Kerry event, out demonstrating their right to free speech — it’s called the first amendment, folks — and gently shouted some cheers of “Four more years! Four more years!” And Mrs. Heinz turned to the crowd, a bunch of Democrats, and said, “They want four more years of hell.” And these Democrats in the crowd totally ate it up.
They’re all Bush haters, but we knew that. Sen. Kerry added to the fray when he laughingly expressed support for his wife’s anti-Christian insults, and called these protesters a bunch of “goons.” Unbelievable, folks. Unbelievable. Do they not have God down there in Africa, where this woman’s from?
Also, need I remind you, folks, I hate homosexuals.

Each of the following four photographs was taken on Monday, August 2nd, 2004, after the Department of Homeland Security issued an urgent alert late this weekend that certain financial institutions may have been targeted by al Qaeda.




On an unrelated note (and when we say that, it of course always means we’re being predictably sarcastic), it turns out the documents which served as the source of these cautionary alerts date back four years or so.
From “Intel that sparked alert dates to 2000”, Seattle Post-Intelligencer, August 3rd, 2004:

At a news conference Monday, [Fran Townsend, the White House homeland security adviser] denied that political considerations affected the timing of the intelligence disclosures, which came the week after Democrats nominated John Kerry as their presidential candidate. “It had nothing to do with the Democratic National Convention,” she said.

Presidential candidate John Kerry firing up the crowd at last night’s Democratic convention

Presidential candidate (and occasional President) George W. Bush at Andrews Air Force base this morning. Military custom apparently requires that the commander-in-chief salutes with his right hand, while holding his dog Barney with his left hand.

It may be the week of John Kerry’s ascendacy to the Democratic nomination for the President—a period of time during the presidential campaign where the opposition candidate traditionally lays low—but that doesn’t mean the incumbent executive branch’s Number 2 isn’t hitting the road and campaigning for local candidates. For the past few days, Vice President Dick Cheney (whom we’ve poked fun at before for his inability to stray from the rote lines of his standard stump speech) has brought his unique form of existential musings out west. Here, the veep ponders the idea of an alternate universe, five discrete times in twenty-four hours:
Remarks Followed by Q&A by the Vice President at a Reception for Congressional Candidates Goli Ameri and Jim Zupancic, Portland, Oregon, July 26, 2004:

But I explained to a group the other day that if it hadn’t been for that victory by Dwight Eisenhower in 1952, Lynne would have married somebody else. (Laughter.) And she said, right, and how he’d be Vice President of the United States. (Laughter and applause.)

The Vice President Delivers Remarks at Luncheon for Congressional Candidate Roy Ashburn, Bakersfield, California, July 26, 2004:

And I explained to a group the other day that if it hadn’t been for Dwight Eisenhower’s victory in 1952, Lynne would have married somebody else. She said, right, and now he’d be Vice President of the United States. (Laughter and applause.)

Remarks Followed by Q&A by the Vice President at a Luncheon for Gubernatorial Candidate Dino Rossi, Kennewick, Washington, July 26, 2004:

But I explained to a group the other night, if it hadn’t been for that tremendous election victory by Dwight Eisenhower in 1952, Lynne would have married somebody else. And she said, right, and how he’d be Vice President of the United States. (Laughter and applause.)

The Vice President Delivers Remarks at a Reception for Senatorial Candidate Bill Jones, Riverside, California, July 27, 2004:

I explained to a group the other night if hadn’t been for Eisenhower’s great victory in 1952, Lynne would have married somebody else. (Laughter.) And she said, right, and now he’d be Vice President of the United States. (Laughter.)

Remarks by the Vice President at a Luncheon for Congressional Candidate John Swallow, Salt Lake City, Utah, July 27, 2004:

I explained to a group the other day that if hadn’t been for Dwight Eisenhower’s election victory, Lynne would have married somebody else. She said, right, and now he’d be Vice President of the United States. (Laughter and applause.)

EARLIER: Dick Cheney (repeating a different aspect of his stump speech), George W. Bush, and John Kerry

Offered up at yesterday’s Rock the Vote event in Boston: Jerry Springer, Biz Markie, Natalie Portman, Lauryn Hill, Al Sharpton, Howard Dean, and creative usages of an upside-down letter M.

From the Remarks by the President at the 2004 President’s Dinner at the Washington Convention Center, July 21, 2004:

It’s now been three and a half years since the Vice President and I took office. We’ve faced significant challenges. We have met them head-on. I believe it’s the President’s job to confront problems, not to pass them on to future Presidents and future generations. (Applause.)

From the President’s State of the Union Address, January 20, 2004:

In two weeks, I will send you a budget that funds the war, protects the homeland, and meets important domestic needs, while limiting the growth in discretionary spending to less than 4 percent. (Applause.) This will require that Congress focus on priorities, cut wasteful spending, and be wise with the people’s money. By doing so, we can cut the deficit in half over the next five years. (Applause.)

According to the Congressional Budget Office, by way of Calpundit, this still means a deficit of anywhere from $240 to $500 billion in 2009.
2009? That means that this deficit is a “problem” that President Bush (regardless of the outcome of this year’s election) will certainly not be around to confront.
Applause, please.