Categories
Grave

Now Playing: The Ultimate Film About the Downfall of Big Institutions (Fun with Tom DeLay’s Mugshot, Vol. 2)

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(With the flashiest of thanks to James Reitano.)

Categories
Grave

A message much clearer than the aspens, which turn in clusters out West

As anticipated, The Smoking Gun has posted Tom DeLay’s mugshot, taken earlier this afternoon. The wire services, however, lack our EXCLUSIVE* Ultrrrra-Zoom technology, and seem to have missed out on the hidden story, the coded message that Rep. DeLay is sending to a particular subset of his would-be base:
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SEE ALSO: The blogosphere’s semi-ridiculous Libby Writes IN CODE to Miller?, Daily Kos, October 1, 2005
*With all due reverence to Golden Fiddle. You go, boyfriend!

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Grave

At this rate, they’ll become fully literate just in time to escape the calamitous effects of the polar ice caps’ melting due to your equally-disastrous environmental policies

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President George W. Bush: colorblind, or blind to reality?
From Education Law Gets First Test in U.S. Schools, the New York Times, October 20, 2005:

Fourth-grade math students showed some of the most rapid progress in closing the achievement gap between black and white students, Mr. Kingsbury said. Extrapolating from those results, he said, black and white students would probably be performing at equal proficiency levels by 2034. Other results, like eighth-grade reading, suggest it will take 200 years or more for the gap to close, he said.

From President and Secretary Spellings Discuss Nation’s Report Card, hurling forth from the straight-shooting mouth of President Bush (via the White House’s Office of the Press Secretary), October 19, 2005:

This is an encouraging report. Thank you for coming, Madam Secretary, because it shows there’s an achievement gap in America that is closing; that minority students, particularly in fourth grade math and fourth grade reading are beginning to catch up with their Anglo counterparts.

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Grave

Mr. DeLay!!! Mr. DeLay??!! What are you wearing?

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Embattled former House majority leader Tom DeLay (R-Tex.), looking sharp in a shirt-and-sportcoat combo by BCBG Max Azria ($2749)
Texas Court Issues Arrest Warrant for DeLay, the Washington Post, October 19, 2005:

A Texas court today issued an arrest warrant for Rep. Tom DeLay (R-Tex.), the powerful former House majority leader, ordering him to appear for booking at a county jail in his home district.
[…]
However, the defense reportedly had hoped to avoid submitting DeLay, formerly the second-ranking Republican leader in the House, to the fingerprinting and mug shot photography that accompanies a formal arrest.

Categories
Shallow

Hey, Jack: My Reality Distortion Field is Bigger Than Yours

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October 17, 2005 (avail. on newsstands): “How Apple Does It,” Time Magazine’s cover story from the October 24, 2005 issue
October 13, 2005: “The Apple Polishers: Explaining the press corps’ crush on Steve Jobs and company,” by Jack Shafer, the “Press Box,” Slate

Categories
Grave Satirical

At least he’s not requesting a bathroom break

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In this low culture EXCLUSIVE, we asked this young student at Delisle Elementary School in Pass Christian, Miss., to share with us the note that was passed to President Bush this past Tuesday. In greater detail below:
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RELATED: ‘You are the best governor ever’, Guardian NewsBlog, October 11, 2005

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Grave

Yes, troops, it looks like that’s a target on you guys. And, yes, the president’s got you dead in his sights. And, yes, he’s ready to wave goodbye. He’s been waving this entire time, you see.

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President Bush waves goodbye as he finishes speaking via video teleconference to American troops from the 42nd Infantry Division on duty in Tikrit, Iraq, at the White House in Washington, Thursday, Oct. 13, 2005. (AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite)
RELATED: White House Iraq Group targeted by Fitzgerald probe for engineering attacks against the invasion of Iraq, Talking Points Memo, October 12, 2005
Report Says White House Ignored C.I.A. on Iraq Chaos, the New York Times, October 13, 2005
Because it’s all about supporting the troops, gang.

Categories
Grave

Give me grammar, or give me death

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The Guardian (UK) reports on the suicide, or rather, ‘suicide’ of a senior member of Syria’s government earlier today.
Other notable Guardian headlines throughout history:

Nirvana frontman ‘commits suicide’
Federal building ‘bombed’ in Oklahoma City
14 students ‘killed’ at a Colorado high school
Medicare bill ‘passes’ through Congress
Texas governor ‘elected’ U.S. president

And of course, this has been yet another ‘brilliant’ low culture post.

Categories
Shallow

Steve Jobs’ Reading List

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Outside the Apple Store in Soho, downtown New York, Sunday, October 9, 2005
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A close-up of the books featured in the window display, above.
Not one, nor two, but three copies of a book about “The White Power Movement”…?
Perhaps this reading selection explains why the black model of Apple’s new iPod Nano is particularly weak, and prone to scratching and complaints?

Categories
Grave

Forget her lack of qualifications. Do we really want a Supreme Court Justice that dresses this badly?

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And if you’re wondering what’s going on in the photo directly above, here’s the actual, honest-to-god caption, courtesy the Washington Post:

Court nominee Harriet Miers and Sen. Patrick J. Leahy (D-Vt.) discussed Vermont’s foliage.
Photo Credit: By Melina Mara — The Washington Post