Be Excellent to Each Other: A One Act Play

Secretary: Alex Winter for you, Mr. Reeves.
Keanu Reeves: All right, put ‘im through.
Hey, Alex.
Alex Winter: Ted Theodore Logan!
KR: Ha ha. What’s up, man?
AW: Excellent!
KR: Funny. So, what’s up, Alex?
AW: Heinous!
KR: Right, right. So, what’s goin’ on?
AW: Nothin’ bro. Just calling to congratulate you on the boffo Constantine box office, man. Congratulations.
KR: Oh, thanks. Yeah, it’s a good movie. We’re all really proud of it.
AW: Cool, cool. Did I ever tell you how much I loved that Matrix series? God, it was so good!
KR: Aw, I’m flattered, dude.
So, what’s up with you?
AW: Oh, you know me. Writing, auditioning, do my thing. I’m still in the game, you know. I mean, not in the Constantine type game, but you know it’s like a trade-off: you make those hundred million dollar flicks, but you gotta, like, get on that treadmill and sell it, promote it.
KR: Right…
AW: Yeah, I’m totally happy where I am, you know? Remember when we were kids, man, and we’d dream about our careers between set-ups? God, we were so fucking naive, dude! I wanted to be the next David Lynch, you were gonna be the next Marlon Brando!
KR: Funny. Hey, Alex—
AW: And you said you’d be my Kyle MacLachlan and star in all my movies.
KR: Right—
AW: Anyway.
KR: Anyway.
AW: So, any sidekick parts in your new flicks?
KR: No. Sorry, man.
AW: What about, like, secondary sort of—
KR: Alex, you know, the thing is, I’m taking some time off since I worked, like, nonstop since ’99.
AW: What about The Night Watchman?
KR: Alex, I gotta—
AW: What about Il Mare?
KR: Shoot, Alex. I’ve got a meeting and—
AW: Cool, cool. Let’s talk again later.
KR: Totally. Good to hear from you, man.
AW: Hey, do you know anything about the Lost Boys remake? Wouldn’t it be hilarious if I played the grandpa? Like, in age make-up, you know?
KR: Yeah, if I hear anything—
AW: I mean, I did age makeup in Bogus.
KR: Alex. I got people outside the door. Talk to you later?
AW: Yeah, yeah. Well, congrats again on Constantine. I mean, wow!
KR: Thanks.
AW: Well, um, be excellent, Ted.
KR: Be excellent… Bill.
Earlier: Two Friends Talking: A One Act Play

12 replies on “Be Excellent to Each Other: A One Act Play”

successfull: things are going quite well, thanks for calling. what have you been doing lately?
matt: Oh, lots of bitterness. I have this blog and i pretty much focus on negativity and cheap shots. I find it funny and so do a bunch of people who post on it. The important thing is that i’m lashing out at the world.

succesful: you´re wasting your time, matt. there´s a bunch of ignorant idiots out there with a complete absence of humor or irony. i bet you get a lot of envious imbeciles posting moralizing and droll comments.
matt: yeah, man, you´re totally on the mark.

Alex Winter directed videos for the Butthole Surfers.
i consider that as more than Keanau ever achieved

Seems to me Constantine is just Neo all over again. Am I wrong here? For my money, the last great thing kenunu did was Parenthood.

I think the story here is promising beginnings branching out into two different forms of failure.

It was like ironic and tragic at the same time; it was trajironic. Irongic? Without them we would have never had “Dude, Where’s My Car?” Anyway, they filmed their buddy flick at my high school and I find that the unkindest cut of all.

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