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Great Minds Think Alike (And For Only About Two Minutes Before Slapping Up The First Joke They Come Up With)

The Heartbreak’s Ours: The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Dec. 1, 2004.
Earlier: Entertainment Alert: Orange, Nov. 30, 2004.

Grave Satirical

Recent Events in the World About Which You or I Care Not, Though They Nonetheless are of Great Import to Someone Somewhere

“Let’s just clamp down on this shit, ok?”
Toll in China Mine Explosion Reaches 166
Plane veers off Indonesian runway; 31 die
Typhoon Bears Down on Flood-Hit Philippine Towns
UN Says May Have Spotted Rwandan Troops in Congo
Ukrainian Parliament Votes Out Prime Minister’s Government
Holy fuck, that shit’s so boring, right? And I don’t even know what any of that means, really. Where the fuck in Africa or wherever is this so-called “Indonesia”, and why are they flying planes there? While I try to wrap my head around this global primitivism, let me instead focus on this bit of American news (finally!) that came to my attention.
And, yeah, it did most certainly come to my attention because it’s American news:
Rumsfeld sued for war crimes over Abu Ghraib
Oh, I totally, totally get this, given I read all the big papers each and every morning…It looks like a consortium of human rights lawyers are trying to bring attention to the various illegalities (mis)used in the Americans’ detention of suspects in Iraq. Boy, this shit gets me so angry! I cannot tell you how RILED UP this sort of stuff makes me! And to think we elected this Bush guy for another four years? What is wrong with this country?????
Also: if any alert readers get any more information on what happened with that voting fiasco in Ohio earlier this month, please, please, drop us a line.


God, I Miss Clinton

Snooze: Bush in Canada on Nov. 30, 2004, blah, blah, blah.
It would’ve been so much easier to make a ‘Royal Mounted Police’ joke if we still had Bill. Sad.