White Chicks, feat. Lil Kim



We hear…

From the New York Post‘s Page Six, June 22, 2004: “. . . THAT Vince Vaughn, Wyclef Jean and Lauren Bush were among the well-heeled celebs who accepted a goodie bag worth $35,000 at Entertainment Weekly‘s “Must List” bash the other night . . .”
That’s great, because we hear. . . THAT a starting salary for Entertainment Weekly‘s editorial assistants is in the neighborhood of $27,000.


Oh, and the theme song to Titanic, too…

celine_dion_power_of_love.jpgFrom President Bush’s faith-based initiative-oriented “Remarks by the President in a Conversation on Compassion”, Cincinnati, Ohio, June 21, 2004:

I know that many a good soul makes a mistake in their life and ends up in prison. And it seems to make sense to me to spend taxpayers’ money to help these prisoners realize a better tomorrow when they get out of prison, give them a second chance. And I want that second chance to be done not only in kind of the traditional way, but also through faith–based and community–based programs. I mean, I can’t–frankly, can’t think of a better reentry program for somebody to be there with open arms saying, I love you, no matter what you may have done in the past. I want you to succeed, and here–and we’re here to help.

If the White House’s Office of the Press Secretary has the gall to call this speech a series of “Remarks by the President in a Conversation on Compassion”, what, then, does the local Ohio media have to say on the matter? Let’s check in with the Cincinnati Enquirer:
“Bush praises power of love”
Well, now that the Enquirer mentions it, the President’s speech on rehabilitating prisoners does bear a very, very loose metaphorical resemblance to Celine Dion’s lyrics:

‘Cause I am your lady/And you are my man/Whenever you reach for me/I’ll do all that I can
We’re heading for something/Somewhere I’ve never been/Sometimes I am frightened/But I’m ready to learn/Of the power of love

Ah, prison jokes! Truly the lowest common denominator of humor. Well, that and films about Dodgeball.

Grave Satirical

Karl Rove for the Day, Vol. 5



All the way from Velvet Goldmine to Napoleon Dynamite

Dynamite, get it?
Existing screenwriters/directors to whom Napoleon Dynamite writer/director Jared Hess owes a debt:
Alexander Payne, for his usage of the “everyday”, contemporary America as a cinematic template.
Wes Anderson, for imbuing the quirkiness of characters with a celebratory yet sentimental quality—though not going nearly as overboard as Anderson ultimately does in this regard.
Todd Solondz, for nastily ridiculing the above notions of “the everyday” and “those who are quirky”, as well as “those who are lunkheads”, “jocks”, or otherwise boring as all fuck; knocking them all down a peg or two, and somehow giving an anti-hero hailing from the geeky dregs of mundane life a reason for the filmgoer to actually empathize with them.
Chris Smith (of American Movie and Home Movie fame), for successfully (and effectively) conflating such ridicule and empathy.
Todd Haynes, for utterly nailing the ability to appropriate for appropriation’s sake.
Adam Shankman (of Bringing Down the House infamy), for relying on some really regrettable racial stereotypes. Wow…whites, blacks and latinos are different, get it? Haha!


Well, he’s certainly not being sworn in as the Minister of Interior Decorating

From Yahoo! News: “Vice-President Dick Cheney swears in Alan Greenspan for a fifth term as chairman of the Federal Reserve, the central bank said in a statement. (AFP/White House/David Bohrer)”


This Saudi crackdown on terror sure has been effective

From “Snow: Saudis Intent on Terror Money Cuts”, the Associated Press, June 20, 2004:

“I think the two biggest exports of Saudi Arabia have been oil and terrorism, and that one of the ways in which they supported terrorism was by their support for the schools in which hatred was taught of the West, the so-called madrassas,” [Sen. Carl Levin, D-Mich.] told CNN.
“Now, I think they finally have been hit at home, so they realize that what they have helped to unleash in the world is coming back to bite them as well. And so I’m hopeful that they’ll take stronger action now,” Levin said.
“But until now, I don’t see that they have taken strong actions in many areas. And that’s part of the problem that we’ve had.”
The chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, Sen. Richard Lugar, R-Ind., said that unless Saudi Arabia better protects Americans and other foreigners working in the kingdom, “they’re in deep trouble with regard to the oil business.”

Yes, Senator Lugar, Saudi Arabia is and will be in “deep trouble with regard to the oil business.” Which in no way effects American consumers and the prices they pay for gasoline…
RELATED: John Kerry’s campaign website (and this is their typo, not mine) on the matter of Skyrocking Gas Prices and the Impact on America’s Families, Industry and Economy”
Happy skyrocking! Me, I’m off to go spacedancing with my renewable-energy beatbox.


Airing all this weekend on the USA Network…

Another weekend, another new crop of films to consider seeing…but how to sift through the varied options and spend your hard-earned $10.25 wisely?

Thanks to media consolidation, however, there’s a new option, one where you don’t have to spend any money at all. In fact, the studios don’t even have to spend anything either if they just make these movies with C-list stars for a D-List cable network. Big spending producers, read on and prepare to save your millions.

usaremake_terminal.jpg The Terminal

Starring Yes, Dear‘s Anthony Clark and Kyra Sedgwick

usaremake_stepford.jpg The Stepford Wives

Starring Brooke Shields

usaremake_potter.jpg Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Starring Quintuplet‘s Ryan Pinkston, as Harry

usaremake_dayafter.jpg The Day After Tomorrow

Starring 7th Heaven‘s Jeremy London, and featuring Tony Danza as his concerned father

chroniclesofriddickposter.jpg The Chronicles of Riddick

Starring Charlie Sheen and pop/R&B star Brandy

usaremake_beforesunset.jpg Before Sunset

Starring Sean Astin and Neve Campbell as lovers reunited

usaremake_troy.jpg Troy

Starring Ryan Seacrest as Achilles, and Eric Bana


Pseudo Imaginary Trend, Continued: Fictional Characters Named after Writers

Tom Hanks as Viktor Navorski…. Victor Navasky as, well, Victor Navasky
As reported here earlier, using the names of writers for movie characters is a growing pseudo imaginary trend in Hollywood. The creeping influence of literature is probably unavoidable, since screenwriters, as a group, are such a well-read lot. (A West Coast friend of ours actually called us once from Book Soup to tell us Brett Ratner was buying the collected works of Isaac Bashevis Singer—and this was way before that writer’s centennial! And, presuming the books were in Hebrew, the director even attempted to read them from back-to-front!)
Anyway, the trend continues with the release of Steven Spielberg’s The Terminal, in which pink-cheeked national treasure Tom Hanks plays a character named after pinko Nation editorial director and publisher, Victor Navasky. (This is not the first time Navasky has seen his name named on film: he’s also the nomenclatural inspiration for Greg Kinnear’s character in You’ve Got Mail.)


Am I Veep Or Not?

Odds of a Kerry/McCain 2004 Candidacy: 0/1,000,000
Odds of a Kerry/Kucinich 2004 Candidacy: 1/1,000,000
(cf. McCain, Bush Begin to Mend Ties; Senator Wooed by Kerry but Will Appear With Former Rival, Washington Post, June 17, 2004)