Category: Grave

The three stages of Kerry-Edwards support amongst the Democrat-leaning American populace, as indicated by little Amy Campbell-Oates, age 3, in the red shirt:

1. Curious…

2. Wait, wait…totally freaked out.

3. Resigned to a Bush-Cheney victory in November.

Time to whip out your summertime advent calendar and take a look at the delicious candy we have in store for us this month (I hope it’s butterscotch!). The New Republic‘s latest issue features a piece about the Bush Administration’s interaction with Pakistan’s Inter-Services Intelligence agency in their collaborative search for so-called High-Value Targets, i.e. villains in the War on Terror™, excerpted below.
From “July Surprise”, in The New Republic‘s July 19th, 2004 issue:

This spring, the administration significantly increased its pressure on Pakistan to kill or capture Osama bin Laden, his deputy, Ayman Al Zawahiri, or the Taliban’s Mullah Mohammed Omar, all of whom are believed to be hiding in the lawless tribal areas of Pakistan. A succession of high-level American officials–from outgoing CIA Director George Tenet to Secretary of State Colin Powell to Assistant Secretary of State Christina Rocca to State Department counterterrorism chief Cofer Black to a top CIA South Asia official–have visited Pakistan in recent months to urge General Pervez Musharraf’s government to do more in the war on terrorism.
[…]
A third source, an official who works under ISI’s director, Lieutenant General Ehsan ul-Haq, informed tnr that the Pakistanis “have been told at every level that apprehension or killing of HVTs before [the] election is [an] absolute must.” What’s more, this source claims that Bush administration officials have told their Pakistani counterparts they have a date in mind for announcing this achievement: “The last ten days of July deadline has been given repeatedly by visitors to Islamabad and during [ul-Haq’s] meetings in Washington.” Says McCormack: “I’m aware of no such comment.” But according to this ISI official, a White House aide told ul-Haq last spring that “it would be best if the arrest or killing of [any] HVT were announced on twenty-six, twenty-seven, or twenty-eight July”–the first three days of the Democratic National Convention in Boston.

Despicable. Conspiratorial. Unbelievable. The byline says John Judis, Spencer Ackerman and Massoud Ansari, but, seriously…will the influence of Stephen Glass ever wane amongst the purveyors of mistruth at The New Republic?
Late July? They clearly meant late October.

Click here for the full-sized enlargement, and here to actually read the article, the latter of which seems mind-numbingly boring after such juvenile screenshot antics, but hey.

From Remarks by the President on the Economy, the White House, July 2, 2004:

“We’ve got an economy which is changing. The nature of the job base is changing. And all that means it’s been a difficult period of time. Yet we’re strong, we’re getting stronger. We’re witnessing steady growth, steady growth. And that’s important.

From Return of consulting lifts Accenture: First growth in consulting operations in 2-1/2 years boosts firm’s profit above Wall Street’s views, CNN/Money, July 7, 2004:

Accenture Ltd., one of the world’s largest consulting firms, said Wednesday its quarterly profit rose sharply thanks to strong demand for outsourcing and the first real increase in consulting revenue in 2-1/2 years.
[…]
For the fiscal third quarter ended May 31, the Bermuda-incorporated company posted earnings of $210.4 million, or 37 cents a share, up from $132.1 million, or 28 cents a share, a year earlier. The figures were in line with preliminary results the company provided last month.

First, unveil your fist…and get ready. This will be your “pointing hand.”

OK, shoot. Whip the index finger out, and aim it pointedly at your accuser. You might even consider gesticulating with your other hand. It certainly adds flair.

We’ve already used our patented Scientific Joke Assessment Technology® on United States President George W. Bush, but now’s our opportunity to wield this same tool of analysis in the direction of Saddam Hussein. Today marked his first semi-public appearance since, well, being deposed last year, as he faced an Iraqi judge and was read the list of charges against him for his arraignment and impending trial. The verdict? He’s a regular funnyman!
Really, these examples of his sardonic wit blow away even the notoriously jocular Slobodan Milosevic and those on trial for war crimes in Sierra Leone.

Asked if he could afford a lawyer, he became jocose.
“The US says that I have millions stashed in Geneva . Why couldn’t I afford a lawyer?”
[…]
And he feigned ignorance of the 1988 gassing of the Kurdish town of Halabja, telling the court: “Yes, I read about that in the press – they said it happened in the time of Saddam Hussein.”

The Iraqi Todd Barry, as we like to call the deposed leader, will hopefully be making his next appearance in the coming days. And in unrelated comedy news, which has nothing whatsoever to do with brilliant timing and/or joke execution, the current government of Iraq has reinstated the death penalty.

From President Bush’s speech in Turkey on June 29th, in which he defended democratic ideals:

“In some parts of the world, especially in the Middle East, there is wariness toward democracy, often based on misunderstanding. Some people in Muslim cultures identify democracy with the worst of Western popular culture, and want no part of it. And I assure them, when I speak about the blessings of liberty, coarse videos and crass commercialism are not what I have in mind. There is nothing incompatible between democratic values and high standards of decency.”