Category: Grave

“I know, it’s crazy, right? I’m basically a murderer thousands and thousands of times over and spent billions of dollars on a project that’s not nearly over and which will deepen America’s defecit for generations. Honestly, I can barely balance my own checkbook! Man, someone up there must like me.”
Related: “You sendin’ The Wolf?… Shit Negro, that’s all you had to say.”
(via Reuters)

BEFORE:

AFTER:

You know ’em when you see ’em: The idealists, the dreamers, the home schooled children, and self-proclaimed Messiahs holding handmade signs that say “I need a miracle.” They love to hug, yet their hungry, vacant eyes look a thousand yards past you.
They are, of course, the Not-Deadheads. And they’re coming to a town near you.
The Not-Deadheads may seem freaky, but they’re mostly harmless. They’re just chasing bliss on the tail of Captain Trips, man. Don’t kill their buzz, and they won’t harsh your mellow.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Schindler,
As Terri Schiavo’s parents, please accept this humble donation of $500 in support of your battle to keep your beautiful daughter alive. Our thoughts, prayers, and pocketbooks are with you in your time of need, and may God bless you in your support of the sanctity of Life.
Check here if you would like to opt-out of any mass-mailings and direct marketing plans.
RELATED: List of Schiavo Donors Will Be Sold by Direct-Marketing Firm, the New York Times, March 29, 2005
(Thanks to Jeff.)

The Hunters: Speak Crudely and Carry a Sharp Spear. (via college now live)
Today’s New York Times features a story by Richard W. Stevenson that reads like a sequel to Lord of the Flies, if Piggy had been the shadow chief of the hunter tribe. As Stevenson writes in With Bush Safely Re-elected, Rove Turns Intensity to Policy:

Jack Kemp was causing problems for President Bush’s drive to overhaul Social Security, and it naturally fell to Karl Rove, Mr. Bush’s strategist, enforcer and closet policy expert, to take him on.

Mr. Kemp, the 1996 Republican vice presidential nominee and a founder of a conservative advocacy group, was publicly attacking an idea floated by the White House to cut benefits in the retirement system and was rallying support for an alternative approach that, on paper, would be pain free. Mr. Kemp’s statements exposed a split among Republicans and complicated the administration’s efforts to prepare the public for possible benefit cuts.

After a ceremony several months ago in the White House East Room that Mr. Kemp attended, Mr. Rove sought him out, associates of the two men said. But their exchange was less a scolding by Mr. Rove, they said, than an assertive, detailed argument against Mr. Kemp’s favored approach. Mr. Rove, they said, went through a point-by-point critique of the plan and left Mr. Kemp with the message that he considered it unworkable.

This has to be the first time in human history a football star has been tackled by a model U.N. nerd.

From Pentagon Will Not Try 17 G.I.’s Implicated in Prisoners’ Deaths, by Douglas Jehl, The New York Times, March 26, 2005:

Despite recommendations by Army investigators, commanders have decided not to prosecute 17 American soldiers implicated in the deaths of three prisoners in Iraq and Afghanistan in 2003 and 2004, according to a new accounting released Friday by the Army.

Investigators had recommended that all 17 soldiers be charged in the cases, according to the accounting by the Army Criminal Investigation Command. The charges included murder, conspiracy and negligent homicide. While none of the 17 will face any prosecution, one received a letter of reprimand and another was discharged after the investigations.

You in the corner, with your long hair and nose rings, lobbying against privatization! There’s no time to waste. Put your pickets and placards down. Hasten, you. Right this very moment, let us all clasp our hands together: the end is nigh.
One whopping year “nigher”, if you will: take note of the Bush Administration’s latest round of hysterical claptrap regarding the crisis-laden government program that is Social Security, by way of Trustees Foresee an Earlier Insolvency for Social Security, from the New York Times, March 23, 2005:

Beginning in 2017, not 2018 as previously projected, the revenue from Social Security payroll taxes will be less than the benefits the government will be paying out, Treasury Secretary John W. Snow said, forcing the government to dip into reserves.
Moreover, those reserves, which have been built up by surpluses and will keep benefits at their normal levels even after payroll taxes are insufficient, will be depleted in 2041, not 2042, as previously anticipated, Mr. Snow said. After 2041, under the new projections, the government could pay only three-quarters of the promised level of benefits.
“The numbers published today leave no question that Social Security reform is needed, and it is needed soon,” Mr. Snow said in a message accompanying release of the trustees’ report. “Reform of this system, for the sake of our children, grandchildren and the financial future of our country, is a very real and pressing matter.“

RELATED: Judge Rejects Schiavo Appeal, FOXNews.com, March 22, 2005