Categories
Shallow

First Impressions Of Beck’s Guernica

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As some have noted, Beck’s latest work, Guernica, is his most mature offering to date. At a time of war, the artist has brought us a wrenching, disturbing work that confronts his fans while pushing his oeuvre into newer, more challenging directions. It’s a breakthrough—and a triumph.
Guernica emerges after Beck’s much-remarked upon ‘Blue Period,’ in which his work wallowed in despair. While sadness was the dominant feeling in his recent work, Guernica‘s prevailing emotion is anger: anger at war, anger at the flaws of his fellow man, anger at the simplistic head-on view of reality. Guernica shows us different sides of man, the various, conflicting dimensions in each of us. All at once. Every character in Guernica is twisting, groping, angling for recognition. As we’re reflected in Guernica, people are complex, frightening, and beautiful beasts.
These are just preliminary thoughts. Fans and historians will be marveling over Guernica for generations. And then it will be covered by callow idiots.

Categories
Grave

Lord of the Flies II: Piggy Sacks Jack

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The Hunters: Speak Crudely and Carry a Sharp Spear. (via college now live)
Today’s New York Times features a story by Richard W. Stevenson that reads like a sequel to Lord of the Flies, if Piggy had been the shadow chief of the hunter tribe. As Stevenson writes in With Bush Safely Re-elected, Rove Turns Intensity to Policy:

Jack Kemp was causing problems for President Bush’s drive to overhaul Social Security, and it naturally fell to Karl Rove, Mr. Bush’s strategist, enforcer and closet policy expert, to take him on.

Mr. Kemp, the 1996 Republican vice presidential nominee and a founder of a conservative advocacy group, was publicly attacking an idea floated by the White House to cut benefits in the retirement system and was rallying support for an alternative approach that, on paper, would be pain free. Mr. Kemp’s statements exposed a split among Republicans and complicated the administration’s efforts to prepare the public for possible benefit cuts.

After a ceremony several months ago in the White House East Room that Mr. Kemp attended, Mr. Rove sought him out, associates of the two men said. But their exchange was less a scolding by Mr. Rove, they said, than an assertive, detailed argument against Mr. Kemp’s favored approach. Mr. Rove, they said, went through a point-by-point critique of the plan and left Mr. Kemp with the message that he considered it unworkable.

This has to be the first time in human history a football star has been tackled by a model U.N. nerd.

Categories
Shallow

Separated At Mirth

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Once Were Worriers: Ben Stiller and Janeane Garofalo in 1999 (via CNN)
Art and Commerce.
The truth about art and commerce is not unlike a certain movie title about cats and dogs: the two don’t always get along. In fact, they rarely ever do. And like animal lovers, sometimes you have to choose which you want in your life more: art or commerce. You can’t have both, unless you want your house torn apart and your life to become a dizzying mess of complications and compromises.
I was reminded of this fact this weekend while reading The New York Times‘ ‘Arts & Leisure’ section, particularly two stories that, while not linked editorially, were nonetheless inverted images of each other. One reflected art (more or less), the other commerce (pretty much intrinsically).

Categories
Grave

In The Army’s Defense, It Was a Very Strongly Worded Letter

letter.jpgFrom Pentagon Will Not Try 17 G.I.’s Implicated in Prisoners’ Deaths, by Douglas Jehl, The New York Times, March 26, 2005:

Despite recommendations by Army investigators, commanders have decided not to prosecute 17 American soldiers implicated in the deaths of three prisoners in Iraq and Afghanistan in 2003 and 2004, according to a new accounting released Friday by the Army.

Investigators had recommended that all 17 soldiers be charged in the cases, according to the accounting by the Army Criminal Investigation Command. The charges included murder, conspiracy and negligent homicide. While none of the 17 will face any prosecution, one received a letter of reprimand and another was discharged after the investigations.

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Shallow

Four Moore Films

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[Michael] Moore’s newest project, Sicko, about the health-care industry, for which he’ll be paid about $25 million, will have a more resilient target: “It’ll never be the same for the H.M.O.’s again,” says Moore.
– “Moore’s War”, by Judy Bachrach, Vanity Fair, March 2005.
Since Moore’s last film was so successfully at solving the problem it addressed, here are some other topics we hope he tackles with his magical movie camera:
Hot Hot Heat: Global Warming, Local Warning – A hard-hitting look at how changes in the environment affect the weather. “This one’s gonna fix the whole planet—and the hole in Ozone above it,” says Moore.
Genocide X – Moore takes on another ‘Big One’: Genocide in Darfur. “We’re gonna speak truth to powerful warlords. We’re gonna save lives.”
Persons of Interest – More Americans are in debt; Moore, American, is incensed. “We’re gonna turn Greenspan green with this one.”
Don’t Drink the Water – Those clear bottles of spring water may look pure, but what’s inside them is anything but: the bottled water industry is all wet. “This film will refresh you—with insight!”

Categories
Shallow

Sometimes the World Writes Its Own Satire

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Main, Michael Jackson, Santa Maria, CA, March 23, 2005 (via Reuters); inset, Tommy Smith and John Carlos, Mexico City Olympics, 1968 (via Sixties City)
Earlier: Dancin’ Fool and Radical Shnook

Categories
Satirical Shallow

Real Life Workplace: Deep Inside the CIA

bristow.jpgToday’s ‘Real Life Workplace’ interview is with Agent Jack Bristow, a thirty-five year veteran of the CIA. What sorts of challenges come from working in a high pressure environment where national security is a daily concern?
What’s the CIA like on the inside? Read on and find out.
low culture: Thanks for taking the time to talk to me, Agent Bristow.
Jack Bristow: It’s my pleasure, I’m sure. I am, however, a very busy man, so let’s get down to it.
low culture: Sure, sure. So, in case you don’t know, low culture is a careers website. We offer information for job hunters, employers, and the like. I’m interested in talking to you about your work.
Jack Bristow: Fine. But know that some things are classified.
low culture: Right. So, you work for the CIA, right?
Jack Bristow: Classified.
low culture: But you previously worked for an organization called SD-6, right?
Jack Bristow: Again, classified. I cannot answer these questions and if you persist in asking them, I’ll have to terminate this interview.
low culture: Got it. Okay, so, you, um, you work with your daughter, Sydney, right?
Jack Bristow: Yes, that’s true.
low culture: Your daughter is so hot.
Jack Bristow: Pardon me?
low culture: Nothing. So, is it difficult working so closely with a family member?
Jack Bristow: There are challenges inherent in any workplace. Ours is no different. People occasionally don’t get along, alliances and relationships shift or breakdown. These things happen.
low culture: Right, but, you had problems with your daughter for a long time, is that correct? Didn’t you kill her mom?
Jack Bristow: What? What sort of interview is this? I’m going to have to hang up now unless you refrain from such inappropriate personal questions.
low culture: Sorry, sorry. So, is it hard working with your daughter when she has to get dressed up in so many different outfits all the time? Does that weird you out?
Jack Bristow: Weird me out?
low culture: You know, do you ever see your daughter done up like a blond Swedish hooker or a Russian astrophysicist and you, like, get wood?
Jack Bristow: Now you listen to me…
low culture: Wait, wait. You misunderstand. I apologize: English is my second language. I’m French Canadian.
Jack Bristow: Really? I was born in Ontario.
low culture: No way! Did that make it hard to get high level CIA clearance?
Jack Bristow: That’s classified.
low culture: Oh, right, right. So, your daughter was dating a colleague. Is that strange?
Jack Bristow: Why so many questions about my daughter?
low culture: Have I been asking so many questions about your daughter?
Jack Bristow: Yes, in fact you have.
low culture: Oh, she’s just so super hot. What’s her email address?
Jack Bristow: Now you listen to me, this is the least professional interview I’ve ever been subjected to!
low culture: Alright, alright. Is it like yours? I assume it’s something like s.bristow@classified.mailer-daemon.cia.gov. Would that work?
Jack Bristow: This interview is over. I don’t even know how you got this number.
low culture: Can you just tell me one last thing? One last thing for all the job hunters, employers, and the like? Please?
Jack Bristow: Fine. One question.
low culture: What does she smell like?
Jack Bristow: Whom?
low culture: Your daughter, Sydney. I kind of imagine she smells like soap, but also a little bit of sweaty b.o.
Jack Bristow: What?
low culture: Clean, sporty girl b.o. like a field hockey player. Not gross b.o. like some sweaty freak.
Jack Bristow: Rest assured, you will be disappeared within 24 hours.
[click]
low culture: Hello? Sounds like you’re still on the line. Helllllo? Agent Bristow? Jack…? Sydney?
Related: If you have any information on Jack Bristow’s daughter (particularly photos), please email low culture. (Within 24 hours at the latest.)

Categories
Shallow

Sixty-Nine Love Songs (Or, “Pat O’Brien’s Awesome Rehab Playlist”)

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Featuring “Honey, Just Allow Me One More Chance (To Eat Your Ass).”
By now you’ve probably heard Insider host Pat O’Brien‘s latest release: nearly five and a half minutes of repetitive, profanity-laced nasal sex talk with occasional music. Naughty, nasty stuff. Frankly, I can’t believe he kisses George Clooney’s ass with that mouth.
You probably also know that this Internet-only single has landed him where countless artists have gone before: rehab.
But what you haven’t heard is Pat O’Brien’s rehab iTunes playlist, which he put together shortly before his twelve step journey. Here’s but a small sample:
– “I Wanna Hold Your Hand (And Eat You, If Betsy Says It’s Okay),” The Beatles
– “You Can’t Always Get What You Want (Even Though You’re So Fucking Hot. I’m So Into You),” The Rolling Stones
– “This Love (Plus Some Coke, and Betsy. Let’s Get Crazy Together),” Maroon 5
– “Oh, Pretty Woman (I Want to do Everything With You, Eat Your Ass, Everything),” Roy Orbison
– “Baby I’m-a Want You (To Be Into Betsy. You’re So Fucking Hot),” Bread
– “Why Can’t We Be Friends (With Betsy, Too. I’m So Into You)?,” War
– “Don’t Speak (Just Give Me a Smile Next Time I See You, You’re So Fucking Hot),” No Doubt
– “Pour Some Sugar On Me (And By ‘Sugar,’ I Mean Coke. I’m So Fucking Into You),” Def Leppard
– “Eat It (And By ‘It,’ I Mean Your Ass. You’re So Hot),” ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic

Categories
Shallow

Sure, Guess Who Will Be The Dumbest, Lowest Common Denominator Piece of Shit Ever Leaked From the Abscessed Bowels Of The Least Talented Hollywood Hack To Crawl Out of Primordial Ooze And Learn to Type In Final Draft With His Webbed Fingers

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Guess What I Won’t Be Seeing: Above, Guess Who, 2005; below, Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner, 1967.
But, man, its go-cart racing scene kicks the original’s ass!

Categories
Shallow

Paging Andy Borowitz

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I’m sure you have something hilariously topical to say about this, sir:
An Al Jazeera IPO?, by Aaron Smith, CNN/Money, March 18, 2005.
Don’t let Jay Leno make the awesome jokes about “exploding markets” and/or Control Boiler Room first!