“Yeahhhhh! Look at me! Look Rummy, no hands!”
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Author: jp
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We rewrite, you decide, Vol. 6
From “Bush Stresses Commander-in-Chief Role“, the Washington Post, September 13, 2004:
Administration officials disclosed plans yesterday that show the many ways Bush will try to emphasize his role as commander in chief. He will interrupt his swing-state travel in just over a week to go before cameras at the United Nations with the interim president of Afghanistan, Hamid Karzai. Two days later, Bush will welcome Iraq’s interim prime minister, Ayad Allawi, to the Rose Garden.
[…]
The Bush-Cheney campaign’s focus on safety and security pervaded the Republican National Convention, where prime-time speakers repeatedly portrayed Bush as a steady and steely commander in the war on terrorism, with little attention to domestic issues.
From “Key General Criticizes April Attack In Fallujah; Abrupt Withdrawal Called Vacillation“, also in today’s edition of the Washington Post, September 13, 2004:
The outgoing U.S. Marine Corps general in charge of western Iraq said Sunday he opposed a Marine assault on militants in the volatile city of Fallujah in April and the subsequent decision to withdraw from the city and turn over control to a security force of former Iraqi soldiers.
[…]
The comments by Lt. Gen. James T. Conway, made shortly after he relinquished command of the 1st Marine Expeditionary Force on Sunday, amounted to a stinging broadside against top U.S. military and civilian leaders who ordered the Fallujah invasion and withdrawal. His statements also provided the most detailed explanation — and justification — of Marine actions in Fallujah this spring, which have been widely criticized for increasing insurgent activity in the city and turning it into a “no-go” zone for U.S. troops.
Posting today’s gonna be lax. “LAX”, in fact! In honor of tonight’s premiere episode of NBC‘s hour-long drama starring the forever-relevant Heather Locklear and the forever-handsome Blair Underwood, we’re throwing aside creativity and getting a bit—you guess it!—lax!
According to the press clippings for the show, it “explores the behind-the-scenes dramas and conflicts of both travelers and staff transpiring daily at the bustling Los Angeles International Airport.” The show’s characters are jockeying “to be named the new director of the airport while working together to solve everything from bomb scares, to VIP arrivals, drunken pilots and roaming pets—all beneath the din of a frantic “hub” with spokes that touch all corners of the world.”
We have such high hopes for this show we’re already holding our breath for the inevitable Law & Order/C.S.I.-esque spin-offs. To wit:
“SJC”: Slated for a mid-season replacement slot. Covers the trials and tribulations of customs agents working at San Jose International Airport, in Northern California’s little-known but most-populous city, as shady foreign businessmen try to steal trade secrets from Silicon Valley’s bustling computer and technology industry. This series, incidentally, is set in 1996.
“EWR”: Another mid-season filler. For those of you not well-versed in our nation’s many lesser-known airports, EWR refers to New Jersey’s Newark International Airport. This gripping boardroom drama concerns the NY/NJ Port Authority’s efforts to bring the consumer-class convenience of budget carriers such as JetBlue to little ol’ Newark. “You know how much traffic we’re losing to goddamned LaGuardia? We’ve got fucking Song and that’s it,” series lead Eric Roberts repeatedly barks to his underlings in the well-received pilot, which is, somewhat notably, the first drama about airports to feature heavily-excised language.
“EYW”: Air travel doesn’t come easy when you’re located amidst miles and miles of waterfront property with docks and piers extending as far as the eye can see…and the staff at Key West International Airport knows this firsthand. For years, a battle has been raging between local boat-rental companies and the cozy airport’s ringmasters, but that battle just got a little more even with the arrival of drug baron Raoul Mendoza and his posse of depth-charge-dropping small-bodied Sandpiper aircraft.
“IND”: If there’s one thing flight mechanics don’t like, its a nasty labor dispute. And when the fictitious USAirlineways, which is in no way related to the real-life USAirways, files for bankruptcy and threatens to reduce its nonstop service between the titular Indianapolis International Airport and Boston, Pittsburgh, Charlotte, N.C., and Philadelphia, these laborers get mad. But what they don’t know is that USAirlineways’ chief labor negotiator is from Baltimore, and has carried a nasty Eric Dickerson-related grudge since that fateful day in 1984 when the Colts left his city to head to Indiana. (This pilot currently only exists in script format and has yet to be filmed.)
In today’s New York Times, writers Kevin Flynn and Jim Dwyer have assembled one of those contemplative think pieces about the events of September 11, 2001 that will presumably continue to be annual media occurrences for at least the next few years. Nothing wrong with that, of course, but in their “Falling Bodies, a 9/11 Image Etched in Pain”, the authors engage in a multi-page examination of the cultural impact (or lack thereof) of those people who specifically perished by leaping to their deaths from the intimidating heights of the two towers of the World Trade Center. And it is a suitably sad and moving tale, though presented rather analytically.
From a syntax standpoint, however, we have to ask: how did the word “defenestrate” not make one single appearance in this article?
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September 10th: On this day in history
1846: Elias Howe received a patent for his sewing machine.
1926: Germany joined the League of Nations.
1940: Buckingham Palace was struck by a German bomb.
1941: Celebrated evolutionary theorist and former Harvard University professor Stephen Jay Gould was born.
1955: Gunsmoke premiered on CBS.
1961: Mickey Mantle tied a major league baseball record for home runs when he hit the 400th of his career.
1990: Iran agreed to resume full diplomatic ties with its former enemy Iraq.
1993: NBC aired its final episode of Late Night with David Letterman.
2001: President George W. Bush twiddled his thumbs while leafing through a stack of unread memos and intelligence reports.
(Via Joshuah Bearman)
you: curly haired, right wing zealot. me: cute, defenseless liberal…
i saw you when i whipped out my anti-Bush banners on the floor of the RNC last week and tried an impromptu bit of protesting. you restrained me, and then you started kicking me on the floor…i mean, yeah, it hurt a bit, and my ribcage is sort of fucked up now, and that’s why it’s taken me so long to post this missed connection, after my being in jail and then the hospital and then recuperating at my parents for a few days, but i think we shared a special moment, all circumstances aside. i keep thinking how clever it was of you to wear that green “monster” shirt while you hovered over me. i like that cleverness, and i liked your loafers. very casual, very firm.
if you’re interested…wanna get some coffee some time?
this is in or around Midtown
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
From “U.S. Planes Hit Rebel Stronghold in Falluja; 6 Reported Killed”, the New York Times, September 8, 2004 (emphasis mine):
“There are no negotiations,” said Col. Robert B. Abrams, the commander of the First Brigade of the First Cavalry Division. “Sadr needs to disband and disarm, and then we can talk.”
“If they don’t disarm,” Colonel Abrams said of the Mahdi Army, “we will be back at this every month, forever.”
UNRELATED: Colonel Abrams, the MCA recording artist who released a small handful of top-ten singles in the mid-1980s, including “Trapped”, whose chorus is reproduced below:
Can’t you see I’m so confused? / I can’t get out / You see I’m trapped
Like a fool I’m in a cage. / I can’t get out / You see I’m trapped
Congratulations are in order to the United States military for finally crossing that all-important milestone the press has apparently been all-too-eagerly awaiting: 1,000 military personnel killed in Iraq! Judging by the likeminded headlines devoted to this phenomenon, it’s unclear which milestone was more excitedly anticipated, the one measuring the American military death toll or San Francisco Giants’ slugger Barry Bonds’ attempt to reach 700 career home runs. (Good luck, Barry, natch! We hear that one PFC Larry Gutierrez from Alameda is pulling for you from his base in Najaf.)
While cynics may charge that the idea of hyping or heavily reporting our nation’s having reached a four-figure death toll pertaining to the invasion of Iraq cheapens the equally tragic deaths of, say, numbers 997, 998, and 999, Americans can rest assured that the president is equally supportive of each and every death, or more significantly, what those deaths “represent” or “stand for.” In this vein, President Bush, noted disciple of Clement Greenberg that he is, warmly embraces symbolism by way of his henchmen. To wit, from the New York Times:
Mr. Bush never mentioned the figure on a bus tour across Missouri. But at the very moment he was criticizing Mr. Kerry as having flip-flopped on Iraq, his press secretary, Scott McClellan, told reporters that the 1,000 men and women had died “so that we defeat the ideologies of hatred and tyranny.”
For what its worth, we’re guessing that the more than 11,000 Iraqi civilians who have died in this same time period as a result of the invasion also gave their lives for such grandiose, abstract notions as “statehood” and “better prisons” and “a capital-punishment-free nation”.
From “Study: Traffic costs billions of hours a year”, CNN.com, September 7, 2004, which examines the general trend of increasing traffic congestion in the nation’s largest urban areas, but which contains the following caveat:
Traffic in some cities has actually gotten better — but that’s because their economies have done poorly.
“In a lot of the places in the past we’ve seen success in cities suffering job declines — Pittsburgh, Buffalo, Cleveland,” Pisarski said. “Unemployment is a great solution.”
(With thanks to Jeff.)
Um, yeah, I don’t think this needs a caption, right?
See, the joke is that this RNC worker looks just like Santa Claus, so Robert Smigel, as Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, can crack wise about outsourcing elves to India or somesuch routine.
See, the joke is…nevermind.
Who said conservatives don’t have a flair for the creative when it comes to their wardrobe? These delegates from Montana are sporting a beret and a green frilly shawl type thing. That means they’re the craftsiest conservatives out there.
Christ almighty, lord Jesus. You can’t see from here, but those badges and buttons sport a plethora of pro-life phrases.
Continued below…after the so-called jump.