RNC 2004: Ahh, the memories…(An Infiltrator’s Scrapbook)

Um, yeah, I don’t think this needs a caption, right?

See, the joke is that this RNC worker looks just like Santa Claus, so Robert Smigel, as Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, can crack wise about outsourcing elves to India or somesuch routine.

See, the joke is…nevermind.

Who said conservatives don’t have a flair for the creative when it comes to their wardrobe? These delegates from Montana are sporting a beret and a green frilly shawl type thing. That means they’re the craftsiest conservatives out there.

Christ almighty, lord Jesus. You can’t see from here, but those badges and buttons sport a plethora of pro-life phrases.
Continued below…after the so-called jump.

Ah, yes…Fox News. Here, in the radio section of the media pavilion, we’ve got the world’s ugliest, least intelligent liberal ever, Alan Colmes, and one of the network’s roster of blond female newsreaders. I believe this version’s name is Monica Crowley, and she’s about to swallow the microphone, which is a technological synonym for “Roger Ailes’ cock.”

Before being treated to this Dan Bartlett-approved photo montage of Dick Cheney’s greatest media moments (including an appearance with the imbecilic Jay Leno), the best part of the VP’s acceptance speech was the eight-second interval between Zell Miller’s speech and Lynne Cheney’s arrival onstage to introduce her husband. In that short eight second period, some stage lackey raced out to slap a decal on the podium with the Seal of the Vice President of the United States. How very authoritative! A decal!


Yes, believe it or not, there were actual buffoons in the crowd. The woman above turned to glare at me when, at one point during Lynne Cheney’s introduction, as she spoke about meeting Dick in high school, and how he was the captain of some sports team, and how he was a hot, desirable upperclassman, I exclaimed, “And then he took my virginity in his daddy’s Cadillac.” Glare, glare, glare. Seriously, honey, I’m not the one sporting the A&F knockoff pro-Bush paraphernalia.



“Union…and proud of it!” The one-and-only instance of union support extant at MSG this week. I mean, a “union”? What the fuck is that? I loved the idea of people buying the various items on sale and being subjected to this employee’s button.

Goodbye, delegates! The bus’s tinted windows and the carefully chosen route back to your hotels, I hope, effectively shielded you from the city’s various low-wage earners and other assorted undesirables, thereby allowing you to watch softcore porn in your hotel rooms in peace and quiet.
And that’s really all we want for a better America, right?