Benny and Billy McGuire
Record: Heaviest Twins, weighing 1,500 lbs combined
Whereabouts: Dead. Obviously.
Record: Wearing a 21,000 bee beard
Whereabouts: Retired after severe allergy attack caused anaphylactic shock. (Though not from a bee sting—from a peanut.)
Karna Ram Bheal
Record: Longest Moustache, 8’ 6”
Whereabouts: Got out of the longest moustache business because it was getting way too commercial. “Back in the day, we just had 7’ moustaches for the sheer pleasure of it, man. And for her sheer pleasure.”
Record: Juggling 7 clubs at once
Whereabouts: Had a long hard look at himself and decided juggling was really uncool.
Record: Longest Nails, length totally 108.5” long
Whereabouts: Met a nice girl at a fair in 1985 and decided it was time to cut his nails.
Record: Largest Known Spider
Whereabouts: Crushed by Largest Known Copy of Newsweek
Record: Largest Peanut (3.5”)
Whereabouts: Acquitted of attempted manslaughter for feeding Don “Bee Guy” Cook a really big peanut.
Record: Largest Paper Cup, 6’ tall, holds 569 gallons
Whereabouts: Widely available at all 7-11 outlets and Loews-AMC movie theaters
Record: Eating 23 2-oz. Hotdogs in 3 minutes 10 seconds
Whereabouts: Unknown. If you know Linda—or if you are Linda—please contact the authors, care of this website. Pleeease.