After a long day of nervous waiting — complete with capricious salivating and nail-biting — by political pundits, the media and bloggers far and wide, “Plamegate” Special Counsel Patrick J. Fitzgerald, we have just learned, has returned from the federal courthouse with four, count ’em, four indictments in tow. And, suffice it to say, this goes straight to the very top of the U.S. government…
|White House National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley
A real wild card, the inclusion of Hadley in the mix…While he worked alongside Condoleezza Rice during the build-up to the invasion of Iraq in 2003, as well as during the White House’s planning stages in 2001 and 2002, few longtime observers of the Fitzgerald investigation had ever really pegged Hadley as having much to do with the leaking of Valerie Plame’s name to media sources. Though, according to documents, Hadley apparently played a heretofore unknown role in the subsequent cover-up, and has now been indicted for perjury.
|Vice President Dick Cheney’s chief of staff, I. Lewis ‘Scooter’ Libby
Libby, of course, had long been speculated to be one of the primary targets of the Fitzgerald investigation, so his indictment for perjury and obstruction of justice pertaining to the cover-up of the Wilson matter will come as no surprise to those who knew all along the degree to which he sought to protect his boss, Vice President Dick Cheney, from being tainted by the grand jury’s inquest. And, it seems, in sacrificing himself, he succeeded in saving his boss’ hide, as Cheney seems to have safely skirted through the investigation unharmed.
|Deputy chief of staff and top presidential political adviser Karl Rove
“Bush’s Brain”, as he’s been called time and again, was, alongside Libby, long determined to be one of the major architects of the White House smear campaign against Ambassador Joseph Wilson. So his indictment for perjury and obstruction of justice also comes as no surprise. Whether or not he will resign later today, and the damage such an action will do to Bush’s presidency, remains to be seen.
|White House executive chef Cristeta Comerford
Finally, the big gun…an indictment for criminal conspiracy in the effort to reveal the identity of an undercover CIA operative. Though Comerford was only recently hired by First Lady Laura Bush this past August — a mere two months ago — anonymous sources within the President’s staff have reported that the first female to ever serve as the White House’s executive chef had been a longtime problem for the administration. Starting with her efforts to discredit Joseph Wilson for making disparaging comments about the administration’s making a deceptively inaccurate link between Iraqi heads of state and the acquisition of Nigerian uranium, sources say that Comerford’s name has been revealed on transcripts from journalists Matthew Cooper and Walter Pincus as the primary source of the now infamous leak of Wilson’s wife’s identity. These sources also add that scribbled within Pincus’ notebook were numerous references to “yellow cake” and “flame”, which had erroneously been thought to reference Comerford’s pastry recipes and sautee methodology.
When asked for comment by reporters covering the case moments ago, Comerford was weeping and defiant as she made her way through the White House’s front gate, stammering, “I don’t know what’s going on…I don’t know what I did wrong! I did nothing wrong!”
Sources had no comment on her strongly-worded denials.
2 replies on “EXCLUSIVE! The indictments are in, and the wait is over!”
I knew it was the chef… it’s ALWAYS the fu*king chef! Flambe!
Great scoop LC, how come the other media isn’t picking up on this?
You would have thought it was the Frenchie chef who used to work there. Can’t trust them Frenchies! They hate America! Especially the ones whose asses we saved at Normandy!
Hey, maybe this new chef makes them falafel things. I wanna take the falafel thing and … oh, you know the rest.