Satirical Shallow

Coming Soon to DSM: Paris Syndrome

The American Psychiatric Association (APA) has designated a new psychiatric disorder called Paris Syndrome, named for socialite and Reality TV star Paris Hilton.
Paris Syndrome is characterized by an acute sense of empathy towards Paris Hilton, particularly during times of public scandal and embarrassment.
According to Dr. Owen Spielvogel, chair of APA’s gossip- and media-focused Loud Family Institute, “It’s natural to feel a sense of guilt and shame at the pleasure one derives from the travails of Ms. Hilton. She’s a larger-than-life figure, the subject of mockery and contempt. Paris Syndrome is different than mere guilt, something closer to Stockholm Syndrome. It occurs when the individual’s superego overrides the giddy pleasure at Ms. Hilton’s failures and the individual begins to identify with her. ‘What if my personal life got splashed across the internet? What if people openly wished for my death?’ goes the thinking. At that point, Paris Syndrome has set in and psychiatric consultation may be the answer.”
The APA estimates that thousands of Americans, most of whom work in the media or as bloggers (web-loggers), may be afflicted with Paris Syndrome. There is no suggested course of treatment for Paris Syndrome at this time, but according to Dr. Spielvogel, “It passes eventually and the so-called ‘normal’ feelings of Paris Hilton hatred return.” He also notes that a related disorder—Paris Hilton Fatigue, first designated by the APA two years ago—often cancels out Paris Syndrome. “Once the individual grows indifferent to Ms. Hilton and her assorted sex tapes, utterances of racial slurs, bruises, and hacked personal communication devices. It’s likely that Paris Syndrome has passed.”
The APA is the nation’s oldest national medical specialty society with more than 35,000 members, all of whom hate Paris Hilton.

6 replies on “Coming Soon to DSM: Paris Syndrome”

I have no empathy for Paris. I know people with painfully horrible childhoods that are nice decent people. This is the age old saying of what goes around comes around, She is a mean person and will do anything for fame.
This poor me victim BS is just that.

I suffer from it on occasion. Anyone who “will do anything for fame” definitely has some problems. Especially since it’s all voluntary. She never needed money or fame… except maybe she could use a tad more self-respect.
I was stoked to see she’s bi though. That makes her seem a little more multi-dimensional. (Only a little).
Some days I’d like to think it’s all an act, but if Paris was playing a big joke on everyone it would be far too brilliant and not anything like the reality I’ve come to know and be annoyed by.

I want nothing to do with this creature, neither to empathize or hate. Yet I have no choice in the matter. I remember about four or five years ago a friend of mine made a really funny Paris Hilton joke but it was entirely premised on the idea that nobody knew who she was. He just wanted to see who knew who she was and I did and I was glad because it made something funny. Now the joke is gone. And not just gone but the reptilian cadaver is rubbed in my face every day. Which may not sound so bad but I really like a good laugh so it’s sad.

Ever since she slept with my imaginary boyfriend Brian Urlacher, I’ve had dangerous, violent emotions about her.

you fools. you silly screwheads. you are witnessing the rise of THE NEXT GREAT AMERICAN. paris will flitter about along this path for another year or two and then disappear. after her carefully calculated hiatus ends, she will emerge clean and neat; ready to share with the world her horror story of ugly drugs and shameful sexual couplings with goats. she will mount an amazing comeback and win an oscar. we will all love her. and we should. paris is greater than you, and that’s why you hate her. sometimes at night, when i have every single piece of Guess clothing on that she’s ever modeled, i shudder and cry a little at how clear it all is.

I think I suffer from this! I knew something was wrong. I thought I just hated Paris! I thought the nausea that she brought out in me was possibly just the flu. And then loads of moronic people who idolize her just say I am jealous. YES! That must be it! I am jealous of her fake hair, fake tan and blue contacts! I hate that she is so stupid and I’m not; that she can have sex with every scumbag around; that she is a porn star and I’m not; that she can flash her private parts all over, and wear hardly any clothing and not be embarrassed; that, try as I may, I just can not be as shallow as she is! Yes! It must be jealousy!

Comments are closed.