Grave Versus

Doin’ the Lynndie Hop

An officer at the Department of Defense “delivers final reports of the Independent Panel to Review Department of Defense Detention Operations…A four-member panel headed by [former Defense Secretary James] Schlesinger issued a report accusing the chain of command from Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld on down of leadership failures that created conditions for the abuse of prisioners late last year that sparked anti-American outrage across the world.”
The image that initially started the abovementioned investigation.


Swift Boat Veterans Against Borgnine

What exactly happened on that PT Boat? Only Lt. Cmdr. McHale knows for sure.


Is there even a market for televising women’s sports? I mean, why would beer-swilling, loutish men ever want to watch these events?

“USA’s Kerri Walsh, bottom, and teammate Misty May celebrate after beating Brazil in the gold medal beach volleyball finals during the 2004 Summer Olympic Games at Faliro Beach Volleyball Stadium in Athens, Tuesday, Aug. 24, 2004. (AP Photo/Adam Butler)”
(Thanks to Jessica B.)


And just like that – SNAP! – this election is so totally over

From Remarks by the Vice President and Mrs. Cheney Followed by Question and Answer at a Town Hall Meeting, Davenport, Iowa, August 24, 2004:

QUESTION: We have a battle here on this land, as well. And I would like to know, sir, from your heart — I don’t want to know what your advisors say, or even what your top advisor thinks — but I need to know what do you think about homosexual marriages.
THE VICE PRESIDENT: Well, the question has come up obviously in the past with respect to the question of gay marriage. Lynne and I have a gay daughter, so it’s an issue that our family is very familiar with. We have two daughters, and we have enormous pride in both of them. They’re both fine young women. They do a superb job, frankly, of supporting us. And we are blessed with both our daughters.
With respect to the question of relationships, my general view is that freedom means freedom for everyone. People ought to be able to free — ought to be free to enter into any kind of relationship they want to. The question that comes up with respect to the issue of marriage is what kind of official sanction, or approval is going to be granted by government, if you will, to particular relationships. Historically, that’s been a relationship that has been handled by the states. The states have made that basic fundamental decision in terms of defining what constitutes a marriage. I made clear four years ago when I ran and this question came up in the debate I had with Joe Lieberman that my view was that that’s appropriately a matter for the states to decide, that that’s how it ought to best be handled.


Yes, that’s the title they give to the runner-up in the race for “Mr. White House”



Stealth Bombing the Stage: 2004’s Hottest New RNC Design Motif

With captions taken from original sources:
Stagehands work on the main stage for the Republican National Convention in New York City’s Madison Square Gardens, Tuesday, August 24, 2004. The Republicans will meet August 30 through September 2. (AP Photo/Adam Hunger)
The B-2 can respond from domestic US bases to conflicts anywhere in the world within hours.


A brief summary of the 2004 Olympics thus far, from the perspective of someone who has not been following the Summer Games

1. The U.S. basketball team lost in the first round to Puerto Rico, which is apparently some sort of American colony. This was very humiliating.
2. The American softball team took the gold. Softball is played by women. I have no idea what is happening in the baseball realm.
3. I think I saw something about some tremors or an earthquake of sorts striking Athens. That, or I might have been having flashbacks to The Day After Tomorrow.
4. The newly-sovereign state of Iraq sent a team of soccer players to the games this year, alongside one swimmer. I like to imagine that this waterbound fellow is the ultimate Pixies fan and is known to pump himself up before meets by singing “Ride a tire, down the River Euphrates…” He has not stated for the record, however, his opinion on Trompe Le Monde, though I’m fairly sure he would agree that “Alec Eiffel” is a great track.
5. I miss Greg Louganis. That was a human interest story that I could really wrap my head around.


Election 2004: Your Handy Guide to the Issues that Matter Most at this Precise Moment in Time

An aerial view of Najaf, which for some reason appears to be shaped like the Millenium Falcon.
FUN FACT #1: According to Reuters, mere hours ago, the American-led team of Iraqi security forces “moved to within 400 meters (yards) of a holy shrine in Najaf on Tuesday, just hours after the government warned Shi’ite rebels inside they would be killed if they did not surrender…An aide to radical cleric Moqtada al-Sadr said his Mehdi Army militia was ready to negotiate to end the fighting, which has killed hundreds, driven oil prices to record highs and touched off clashes in seven other cities.”
FUN FACT #2: “Najaf” means “dry river.” Of course, there’s no way to maneuver “swift boats” in a so-called “dry river”. What, then, do swift boats have to do with the important developments taking place in Najaf right this very moment? Oh, wait, wait, wait…”swift boats” have nothing whatsoever to do with Iraq, the U.S. economy, healthcare, the American class system, or other issues pertaining to a race for the presidency of the United States. Hell, swift boats don’t even have anything to do with gay marriage or constitutional amendments.
It all finally makes sense! God bless you, American media! God bless us, everyone! This is Tiny Tim, signing off from Darfur.

Grave Unintentionally Hilarious

Unintentionally Hilarious Photo of the Moment, Vol. 33

(Thanks to Michael.)

Shallow Versus

Oh Yeahhhh! I’ve fallen prey to outsourcing

From L to R, the iconographically cute representation of China’s anti-AIDS/clean blood initiative, and America’s favorite sugar warrior, the Kool-Aid Man