Satirical Shallow

Your low culture Advocate, Isabelle Asterisk, Introduces Herself

eotm_thmb_11.02.jpgWhen low culture invites you to be the first person charged with publicly evaluating, criticizing and otherwise commenting on the website’s integrity, it’s hard to say no: this is a pretty invigorating challenge.
After meeting with Matt, Jean-Paul and Guy, I appreciated that this would be an especially difficult task. Their atrophied sense of integrity and largely incoherent rambling suggested that this would prove a far more difficult task than I first imagined. I’d never heard of low culture before I received their email, and I’m still not quite sure what they do. But I’m here to help.
So who am I?
I am both liberal and conservative. I enjoy reality television and scripted half-hours. Palestinians and Israelis? They’re both right. And I never met a fundamentalist I didn’t like.
I am married, live on the Upper West Side, recycle and compost, and I send my children to public school. I am one with myself. I am two with nature. I desperately want you to like me.
Can I buy you some coffee? If you’re worried about worker’s rights, I’ll brew some of my own Concerned Coffee. But if you think that whole thing is overblown, we’ll go to Starbucks. It’s no big deal. And if you need help moving or anything, I’m the girl for you.
Since my appointment was announced, my friends have all offered their heartfelt congratulations. They seem to think it will do me well to get out of the house. Here’s wishing good luck, and good will, to us all. But more good luck, and good will, to you.

3 replies on “Your low culture Advocate, Isabelle Asterisk, Introduces Herself”

Per regular low-culture standards, this was a disappointing — and might I add, disgusting — web-log post.
I feel that your appropriation of my painful ambiguity — and my apparent readiness to morph, zelig-like, into any viewpoint today’s mobs wield — was really insulting. For your information, I do have things I absolutely hate, and things I absolutely do not. And as long as they don’t piss off the religious right, or sean hannity (that guy is HUGGGGE!) I will reserve my write to speak them at will.
Further, while I implied by my cheesy-ironic comment on my laziness that I would not follow up on matters of importance, I’ll be happy to inform you that hipublicans will not be disappointed by my so-called ombudsing. I will ask journalists questions, firmly and truely, and will never fail to shirk away when they so require.
All in all, my vagueness and inanity, and Gak-like identity will serve me well. So fuck you, and especially fuck Isabelle Asterisk, for making fun.

Mr Okra: Please, please come back. The last thing I want to do is offend. As you yourself mentioned in your lovely piece (already on my fridge), it would require electron microscopy to measure the thickness of your skin. Perhaps you’ve taken offense too easily. But I would never dare suggest you are wrong in taking offense. Clearly it was something I said. For that, I cannot apologize enough.
You, dear sir, are ombuds di tutti ombuds. And you’ve only just begun! And such a good looking man, with such strong hands. In you, I have glimpsed genius, reader advocacy as could only be practiced by an artist. Please come back.

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