Mmmmm… Crab legs

It’s official: Americans eat too fucking much. How fucking much? So fucking much that the C.O.O. of Red Lobster was let go because customers were ransacking the restaurant chain by getting seconds, thirds, and even fourths on the $22.95 “Endless Crab” dinner.
According to The New York Post, Darden Restaurants, Red Lobster’s parent company, lost $3.3 million in first-quarter profits due to customers’ bottomless stomachs. Luckily, Darden also owns The Olive Garden, home of bottomless pasta. (Incidentally, Darden also owns something called Smokey Bones; insert your own joke here.)
Pencils down Letterman, Leno, and Conan writers!