“Yay! Souvenirs!”
…bring back a newly-adopted daughter from your trip to China!
Or per VH1’s “Best Week Ever“: Upgrade? Downgrade?
Author: jp
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Bush’s Iraqi Playbook/Playbill
From President Bush’s televised press conference, April 13, 2004:
We’re at war. Iraq is a part of the war on terror. It is not the war on terror; it is a theater in the war on terror. And it’s essential we win this battle in the war on terror. By winning this battle, it will make other victories more certain in the war against the terrorists.
And for a rational, in-depth, and nuanced take on these theatrics, read Fareed Zakaria’s piece in Newsweek, April 19, 2004:
The date, June 30, is less important than the entity to which power is transferred. If that new government is seen as an American puppet, then challenges to it will persist, and America will find itself propping up an unpopular local regime that is doomed to fail. And that dilemma reminds one not of the British in Iraq, but of the United States in Vietnam.
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Murdoch Mashup Madness!
As with any good remix, this record comes with multiple tracks…
Trimming Bush
Cut and Paste Press Conference
Right Wing Slash Fiction
The cover of New York magazine’s April 19, 2004 issue, alongside this snippet from Yahoo! News:
Danish Crown Prince Frederik and his fiancee Mary Donaldson look at the Ron Mueck sculpture ‘Boy’ at The Aros Art Museum in Aarhus, Denmark Wednesday April 7, 2004.
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AP Writer is Unimaginative
Completely, totally, the worst headline ever run over a wire service, from an article by Christy Lemire, AP Entertainment Writer:
Review: ‘Kill Bill – Vol. 2’ Is Stylized
Note: Yes, writers rarely come up with their own headlines. You’re so damn insider.
Slated to appear on the New York Times’ Corrections page, April 13, 2004:
Because of an editing error, a portion of former Vermont governor and Democratic presidential candidate Howard Dean’s op-ed (For Ralph Nader, but Not for President, April 12, 2004) was printed incorrectly. The article stated: “Everyone expects this year’s presidential election to be decided by razor-thin margins in a few battleground states. Everyone also expects the candidacy of Ralph Nader to make the race between John Kerry and George Bush even closer. As I know from experience, however, voters have a way of proving everyone wrong.”
The last sentence, in its completed form, should have read in full, “As I know from experience, chickenshit voters have a way of trouncing on your dreams, spitting on your convictions, stabbing you in the back, pussying up with your peers who have stolen your message, and kicking you in the balls because they’re cowards, and dullards, and good for nothing. They can all go to fucking hell for all I care.” The Times regrets the error.
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Gibson Resurrects Passion B.O.; Hair Next
See, if Mel Gibson were Jewish, he could fix that whole situation “up there” with a nice Yarmulka.
Mel’s got it covered—the box office, that is.
This past Sunday, The Passion of the Christ‘s box office benefited not only from some great timing, but nimrods like this:
“I waited until today because today is the day that Jesus rose from the dead,” said Linda Brown, 40, of The Bronx as she headed into the AMC Theatres Empire 25 in Times Square. “I thought it was appropriate to see this film instead of going to church.”
And all we can say is, Thank god! Our screening of The Whole Ten Yards was wonderfully—blessedly—empty. And with the lack of laughs, it was quiet as a church.
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Gravitas (or lack thereof)
This is why they put Cheney on the ticket, right? Anyway…
Lines spoken by George W. Bush during which he smiled, grinned, or laughed (I’ve exempted instances of “chuckling” and “guffawing” out of ideological fairness):
April 12, 2004, defending the contents of his August 2001 PDB:
“Had I known there was going to be an attack on America, I would have moved mountains to stop the attack. And had there been actionable intelligence, we would have moved on it.”
October 11, 2000, discussing his lack of support for a Texas hate crimes bill, during the second Presidential debate:
GOV. BUSH: No — well what the vice president must not understand is we’ve got hate Crimes bill in Texas. And secondly, the people that murdered Mr. Byrd got the ultimate punishment:
MR. LEHRER: But they were —
GOV. BUSH: — the death penalty.
MR. LEHRER: They were prosecuted under the murder laws, were they not?
GOV. BUSH: Well —
MR. LEHRER: In Texas
GOV. BUSH: — all — in this case, when you murder somebody, it’s hate, Jim. The crime is hate. And they got the ultimate punishment. I’m not exactly sure you enhance the penalty any more than the death penalty.
Wow, George, that’s some funny shit. Try and save some material for the Radio and Television Correspondents’ Association Dinner next year!
There is going to be a “next year,” right?
From the recently-declassified PDB (president’s daily briefing) of August 6, 2001, which was received (and, presumably, read) by President Bush while vacationing on his ranch in Crawford, Texas:
Ellipses (or “dot dot dots” for all you non-grammar geeks) indicate either a) material omitted due to extant classified status, or b) material omitted to make this memo look way more deceptively damning than it already is in its original form (which, admittedly, is pretty portentous in and of itself, but still…).
“[G]overnment…reports indicate bin Laden…was planning…a terrorist strike in the U.S. …and…maintains a support structure…in California…and…New York…for attacks.
…We have…been able to corroborate…reporting…that bin Laden wanted to hijack a U.S. aircraft…for…attacks…of…buildings in New York….[A] group of bin Laden supporters was in the U.S. planning attacks…
[E]xplosive.”
