Categories
Grave Satirical

Civil Rights Now…It’s Playtime!

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The new and improved Woolworth’s sit-in lunch counter
In today’s New York Times, writer Shaila K. Dewan examines a newfound impetus among white southerners to begrudgingly reflect on their communities’ roles in the civil rights movement which occurred many decades earlier. Is this due to a changing of the guard? An effort by younger generations to atone for the sins of their parents? Nah, come on, you’re entertaining some pretty feeble guesses there…the correct incentive is, of course, greed.

It has not been easy for communities to embrace a past laced with shame and violence. “Tourism has been forced on these places,” said Jim Carrier, a writer from Montgomery, Ala., whose “Traveler’s Guide to the Civil Rights Movement” was published by Harcourt in January. “It’s not like they put out a sign one day and said, ‘Come on down and see our civil rights history.’ It’s in response to people coming down here, lugging big history books, looking for these places.”
The lure of tourism money has helped overcome the shame.

As a result, a handful of various groups in these areas have been putting forth initiatives for museums, monuments, and such that pay tribute to the era’s struggles and, oftentimes, to specific landmarks that played a prominent role in the movement, such as the bus stop where Rosa Parks famously held her ground.
Museum gift shops bring in a good business, of course, so we’re not knocking their ambitions in that regard, but think of the piles upon piles of cash that could be brought in by a goddamned Six Flags Civil Rights Memorial Park!
Included in this hypothetical RFP for a Six Flags-themed entertainment and water park spectacular:
Special “sit-in”-themed lunch counters, where you can dine on the finest in period-correct malts, shakes, and fries, so long as you drink from the properly-labeled “Colored Only” fountains
I Have a Dreamland, modeled after Disney’s giant EPCOT globe, wherein visitors are taken on a guided tour of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King’s notable exploits, culminating in a thrilling assassination outside a mock hotel
Ride the ‘Back of the Bus’-coaster, the wild up and down ride to freedom! And remember, they say with roller coasters, the biggest thrills are always in the back!
Experience the exploits of actual walking and talking Animatronic White Racists…for the first time ever, you, too, can feel what it’s like to be called a n*gger, or to have this term impolitely muttered under robotic breaths as you enter or leave the room
Oh, and don’t forget the water park:
Enjoy our climate controlled wave pool for the Brown vs. the Surf Board Experience!
And don’t forget to leave before getting your very own Fire Hose Blast! What a thrill!

Categories
Shallow

A Berg type film

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Friday Night Lights
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Collateral
Witness an emerging trend in Hollywood marketing: if your film in some way involves Peter Berg (perhaps best known as the actor-turned-Very Bad Director of Very Bad Things), we can be sure that the trailer’s typographic design will feature a simple sans-serif font (in the vein of Helvetica Neue) partially obscured by blurry type in the background.
We’ll wait to see Berg’s imaginatively-titled Hip-Hop Cops in 2005 to see if the trailer adheres to the Good ‘n Berg (Style) Bible.

Categories
Grave

President Bush’s most flattering, least-confrontational pose ever

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Categories
Shallow

As ‘Wicker Park’ approaches, we present this definitive and comprehensive list of good, quality films starring Josh Hartnett

 
 

Categories
Grave Versus

I’m Academy Award-winning actor George C. Scott, and I’m reporting for duty

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Presidential candidate John Kerry, who renounced his Vietnam war medals in the early 1970s.
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General George S. Patton Jr., as played by actor George C. Scott, who renounced his metal Oscar in the early 1970s.

Categories
Grave

Dick Cheney, I See You!

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Boo!
Related (?): Is Cheney standing in a grassy knoll?

Categories
Grave Satirical

Karl Rove for the Day, Vol. 7

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Bush and Carl Anderson: We do chicken right (wing).
With restrictions on campaign ‘soft-money’ contributions, Bush and Cheney turn to crispy money—extra crispy if you prefer.
Can a cabinet post for this guy be far behind? No? What about this guy?

Categories
Grave

If anything, this headline clarifies why Bill Keller left me chained to a bedpost in Chelsea last week

Appearing in the August 4, 2004 edition of the New York Times, as part of their sly, witty, and oh-so-blunt coverage of the trial of the soldiers responsible for the abuse of Iraqis held at Abu Ghraib prison last year:
“Woman With Leash Appears in Court on Abu Ghraib Abuse Charges”
Couldn’t they have phrased this in some other fashion? Really, you know, just bump around a few clauses….it’s that simple.

Categories
Grave

Teresa Heinz Kerry Watch (Unscripted AM Talk Radio Session)

am-talk-radio.jpg…Aaaaand we’re back. Boy, folks, we’ve got another Heinz attack. Senator Kerry…assuming you’re capable of it, and I understand if you’re not, since she controls the purse strings in your family…get that woman of yours to stop shooting her reckless mouth off! It’s this sort of disrespect that she’s been purveying lately that really cheapens this race for the White House and, I’m telling you, will cause you to lose the election this fall. Regular listeners of this show will recall that it was just last week that the billionaire ketchup heiress told a prominent and respected reporter to “shove it,” totally unwarranted, I might add, and, it turns out, the woman-who-might-be-first-lady has done it again, folks.
Yesterday, at a campaign stop for her husband, Teresa lashed out at several people who had gathered to support our president. You know, a counter-measure of sorts, to combat all the attacks on Bush. These supporters were at this Kerry event, out demonstrating their right to free speech — it’s called the first amendment, folks — and gently shouted some cheers of “Four more years! Four more years!” And Mrs. Heinz turned to the crowd, a bunch of Democrats, and said, “They want four more years of hell.” And these Democrats in the crowd totally ate it up.
They’re all Bush haters, but we knew that. Sen. Kerry added to the fray when he laughingly expressed support for his wife’s anti-Christian insults, and called these protesters a bunch of “goons.” Unbelievable, folks. Unbelievable. Do they not have God down there in Africa, where this woman’s from?
Also, need I remind you, folks, I hate homosexuals.

Categories
Grave Unintentionally Hilarious

Unintentionally Hilarious Photo of the Moment, vol. 31

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