The delicate art of the “If…Then” statement “exclusive”

Today’s New York Daily News cover story touts the boldest of exclusives: “New York’s top lawmakers have been warned: Mess around with the West Side Stadium and the Olympics are lost.” Meaning, of course, that unless the proposed real-estate grabbing, massively bond-and-taxpayer-funded West Side stadium is erected near Penn Station, there can be no 2012 New York Olympics. (How very sad! New Yorkers have surely been pining for a long-term re-enactment of the hassle that was last fall’s 2004 Republican National Convention, right?)
Or, as the Daily News declares in their more appropriately condensed tabloid headline parlance, “NO STADIUM, NO GAMES.”
Logic and deductive reasoning? It’s, for the time being at least, another Daily News exclusive!
Of course, the rival Post won’t take this challenge sitting down. Look for their very own upcoming series of cover-story exclusives, including, but not limited to:
NO CEASEFIRE, NO PEACE
NO NEWSWEEK, NO WAR
NO TRUMP, NO BOMBAST
And, of course,
NO POST, NO PUNS
Sigh. It’s clearly time to move to Paris, huh?