New & Improved, Tastes Better, 33% More Tabloidy

us_12bonuspages.gifYou see this exciting, bold, vibrant graphic peeled from the cover of the most recent issue of Us Weekly (October 4, 2004), the issue that insouciantly proclaims that Britney Spears’ much-hyped marriage last weekend to Kevin What-the-Fuckshisname was “staged” and “faux”?
The circle, which appears alongside the magazine’s logo in the topmost corner of the cover, boasts about there being “12 bonus pages” to the issue, which, I guess, is a worthwile, valuable component, except the “bonus” factor is somewhat diluted by the fact that each and every issue of Us has borne this same tagline since, ummmm…bear with me, here…the May 24, 2004 issue. May. Spring. We’re talking flowers, not fall foliage.
Or, for a better sense of perspective, the cover feature for the very first appearance of this “New! 12 Bonus Pages” promotional graphic was a large portrait of a beaming Jennifer Lopez and the headline, “New Ring, Big Trouble: Jen’s flashing an 8-carat rock from married Marc Anthony. As his wife fumes, is Lopez headed for more heartache?”
Well, we all know how that worked out. She got married. And what’s new is old again.