Nothing’s Sacred

hipster_vice_hater.jpgHey, world: Stop Playa-Hatin’, okay?
First, you piss in our PBR by telling us that the batteries in our iPods have about as much lifespan as a potato clock.
Now, you rain on our dodgeball game by telling us that our bikes would be safer secured with a diary lock! Goddamnit! Why must you hate on our hipster lifestyles*? Are you jealous or something?
What’s next? Onion T-shirts cause cancer? Are you gonna tell us that The Killers abuse child labor laws? Oh, is blogging going to be characterized by the DSM V as a mental illness? Then I bet you’ll tell us that PBR is already 70 percent piss! Thanks for sharing, you goddamn haters.
* Yes, your middle-aged boss has an iPod and your mom has a bike. Maybe your boss and your mom are hipsters, ever think of that, jackass? (I guarantee your boss has a Member’s Only jacket in his closet and your mom wears those flat nurse’s shoes.) Next you’re gonna tell me that making fun of old people and squares makes you look like an immature, bitter, Urban Outfitters-shopping monkey-boy! Goddamn haters!

5 replies on “Nothing’s Sacred”

this doesn’t make any sense. only “hipsters” have bikes? my mom? you didn’t already know about that ipod battery thing? “hipsters” wear Onion t-shirts? (i’d always thought it was sort of awkward, 1st 1/2 of undergrad dudes) do you have a quota for this kind of thing or something? what? the? shit? well, the random picture from the vice site fixes everything, because everybody knows only “hipsters” read vice, right?
you broke my brain.

what the heck are you talking about? Who are you ranting to?
This is another post to demonstrate how hip you are by demeaning the ‘unknown’ protagonist.
by-the-way, you should work on your literary sarcasm. It quite doesn’t have it yet… read some more VICE magazine and you’ll have it down pat.

The Hipster Army shares one thing: an inability to be pithy. But. They. Use. Clever. Punctation.

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