Awww, John…We hear that you’ve been hospitalized with a bout of the ol’ gallstone pancreatitis, and for that, we’re truly sorry. We are, however, thankful that you have healthcare, unlike millions of uninsured Americans. And, if worse comes to worse, we’re sure you can find someone to help foot the bill, as you did when you were merely a senator from Missouri in the 1990s:
“Between 1994 and 1998 the pharmaceutical industry, insurance industry and various anti-consumer healthcare lobbies paid out nearly $1 million in contributions to Ashcroft’s reelection campaign. Ashcroft returned the favor on multiple occasions: Four times in the last year he voted against prescription-drug benefits for Medicaid recipients; twice he helped kill the bipartisan Patients’ Bill of Rights, which would have allowed consumers to sue managed-care companies for delayed or denied care. He also backed a phony business-sponsored Patients’ Bill of Rights that would prohibit consumers from suing their managed-care providers.”
Come on, John, get well soon! Everyday you’re out of commission as our Attorney General is a day that America is that much more unsafe; the USA PATRIOT Act and its sequel both feel somehow less substantive; Gitmo feels less secure, and we fear that hundreds of prisoners may in fact receive an actual trial; Jose Padilla and Yaser Hamdi might as well be on parole, and–this is embarrassing–we’re blushing as we gaze upon Justice’s exposed bosom, heaving ever-so-nakedly in your absence.
Let the eagle soar, John! Let it soar!
6 replies on “Get well soon (our meanest-spirited post ever)”
In Loving Memory
John Ashcroft, 1942-2004.
Only a visit from the remaining singing senators can raise his spirits now!
Except for Jeffords, that traitorous fuck.
so it is written, so it is done.
Deut. 28:22 The LORD shall smite thee with a consumption, and with a fever, and with an inflammation, and with an extreme burning, and with the sword, and with blasting, and with mildew; and they shall pursue thee until thou perish.
I’m surprised he trusted those demon seeds — doctors — to diagnose him. One would have expected our ultra-right wing evangelical attorney General to be prayed upon by the hands of a righteous Christian, like Tim LaHaye or Robert Schuller in his cathedral of ass … I mean glass.