September 7, 2005
We hold these truths to be self-evident, namely, that you're imbeciles

Alaska: the largest state, and the biggest elected-official achievement gap

You Voted Me into Office, but I'm a Fucking Idiot, Round 1
Senator Ted Stevens, Republican of Alaska, via the Associated Press, September 6, 2005:

Sen. Ted Stevens, R-Alaska, said the administration is "getting a bad rap" for the emergency response.

"This is the largest disaster in the history of the United States, over an area twice the size of Europe," Stevens said. "People have to understand this is a big, big problem."

Factual Refutation (fig. 1a):

Europe is about one-fifteenth of the world's total land area...Area: 4,000,000 square miles including adjacent islands

By Sen. Stevens' logic, that would make America's Gulf Coast region equal to roughly two-fifteenths of the world's land mass. That's some awesome Bush-Brand Science!

You Voted Me into Office, but I'm a Fucking Idiot, Round 2
Senator Lisa Murkowski, Republican of Alaska, via the New York Times, September 7, 2005:

"We are just in the beginning of the hurricane season," said Senator Lisa Murkowski, Republican of Alaska. "What happens if there is another hurricane?"

Factual Refutation (fig. 3f):

Hurricane season officially descends on the Atlantic June 1st.

By Sen. Murkowski's logic, we get to re-experience our entire summer all over again! This means you can ask out that girl at the beach who was being all flirtatious and shit, but you were too cautious, too tentative. Thanks, Sen. Murkowski!

So, are they this stupid and misinformed because they're Alaskan, or is it because they're Republicans?

Posted in a Grave fashion.

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